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Anxiety ruining a relationship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is as much to myself as to you. I want to type this up, just to get it out.

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First of all, I love my girlfriend. I love her very, very much. We were together for 9 months or so, and then we broke up (for reasons I'll explain later). Then we got back together again at the start of this year.

Why did we break up in the first place? I started to get depressed. I don't like the word depression, but I got very distant and tired and sad. Eventually she ended the relationship because I wasn't communicating with her.

Then, 4 or 5 months later, the depression seemed to have lifted and we got back together. I told her that, should it happen again, I would go to the doctor. Sure enough, it happened again. Every now and then she would say or do something that seemed to flick a switch in my head and I'd feel ill and sad and awful.

I went to the doctor and was referred to a psychologist/counsellour type for suspected anxiety issues. I saw the doctor back in January, but I hadn't gotten the appointment with the psychologist until just a few days ago (I'm seeing him on the 11th of April).

My girlfriend has been so good to me. It's really hard on her, I know it is. Sometimes the anxiety leads me to totally misinterpret her behaviour (it's like I only let the bad parts in) and she gets very upset. Every time that happens I feel like she's very close to breaking up with me again, but I'm too afraid to ask her.

The reason I'm writing this is because I'm meeting her in 25 minutes to continue/finish a discussion we had earlier. She told me "it feels like I can't share my own problems with you, for fear of it negatively affecting you". She told me "we need to find a compromise".

I've got this feeling of perpetual anxiety now. I don't want to meet her and be anxious, because I don't want her to feel like our situation is helpless. I can get better. I've been doing Cognitive Therapy exercises, and they've been working to an extent. I don't want to lose her. I'm fixing myself for her. Without her it'd be pointless.

I love her. I don't know what I want any of you to say, chances are I won't get a reply before I go and meet her. I just feel so guilty that I'm making her life harder. I got into this relationship saying it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I went and found a way to do it anyway. She doesn't deserve this. I wish I could make her forget me.

Sorry. I've ranted. I just don't know if there's any way out now. I feel like I'm just delaying the inevitable. I'm scared that, by the time I get to the psychologist, it'll be too late. I'll already have lost what I was trying to save.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    best of luck honey. it's between you and her, but you need to let her know that it's her who has inspired you to change your life, and let her know that she can talk to you, no matter what. it's hard in that situation to let your partner be down sometimes, but really important.

    really hope it goes ok :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I disagree with letting her know that she's 'inspired' your life and that without her you'd be nothing. A person who doesn't like themselves and is increasingly needy is not attractive. She probably wants you to help yourself for YOU. Not anyone else. If you ascribe everything to her then you're putting an incredible amount of pressure on her.

    It sounds like you have a really good relationship with her and it's so good to see that you are getting help for your anxiety. She must be really proud. It's easy to say but as an outsider I really don't see that you have anything to be worried about. One of the things that you can do to reassure her is to let her know that she can always come to talk to you about her own problems. I'm guessing you don't want her to feel that she can't talk to you right?

    As for wanting to talk about a compromise. She obviously wants to make things work with you and really, it's a positive sign. Just be there for her and listen and try not to get yourself so wound up. It really does sound like a good thing you have with your girlfriend.
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