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20 y/old virgin

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    What the hell? I made a comment on this thread entirely relevant to the discussion at hand, and at the end legitimately said the context from my own experience as a matter of interest. And a few people responded. What a ridiculous thing to say, I have been using various forums for years and you don't get shouted down for "hi-jack"ing a thread, since when should it strictly adhere just to the original poster's comments, it is natural for them to flow offtopic. People like BarmyArmy responded to "my" thread with their own experience of having never been kissed etc, that's perfectly legitimate.

    Yes but this topic has turned into you getting the advice and it basically being your thread, which wasn't the case with BarmyArmy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    Yes but this topic has turned into you getting the advice and it basically being your thread, which wasn't the case with BarmyArmy.
    And how the hell is that my fault???? I did not even ask for advice on this thread at the time of apparant "hi-jacking", I simply made a statement.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery, you really need to stick to your own threads - I meant it when I said it was rude to hi-jack others.

    I don't think I can say this without it causing some offence, so I'm not going to bother with the bullshit "no offence" line. But, is this how you are in real life... always wanting the focus to be on you? Because if it is then that might be part of the problem. Just a thought - and I'll happily admit that I can be wrong at times
    That is so un-fair. He was only contributing to mine, I even posted a bit in his. Stop witch hunting us ffs. It did go a bit off-piste a bit at one point where everyone was going on about his photos or something, but that was not his fault or his intent was it? I want him to post in this topic anyway because he has similar issues to mine.

    How come no one is lynching that idiot above who made a post consisting of " . " ?
    always wanting the focus to be on you?
    he's only trying to help himself and me too.
    And how the hell is that my fault???? I did not even ask for advice on this thread at the time of apparant "hi-jacking", I simply made a statement.
    Don't worry it ain't your fault, you haven't hi-jacked anything.
    Yes but this topic has turned into you getting the advice and it basically being your thread, which wasn't the case with BarmyArmy.
    Again not his fault everyone started obsessing over getting to see photos of him.
    If I go into the pub with a group of others, does that make them my mates?
    Well I'll rephrase, I don't have anyone to go with, mates or otherwise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hornet, I think the posts about being a volunteer is aimed at dealing with your non existent social skills, now rather than later. So by the time you do get a job you will be more at ease and confident in yourself. Take this advice from people who have done so. Your gonna have to be a bit more pro active. Seeing this through (advice given) well bring results, whether good or bad u can learn frm them.

    What have you got to lose (?)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    What the hell? I made a comment on this thread entirely relevant to the discussion at hand, and at the end legitimately said the context from my own experience as a matter of interest.

    Well that's not true at all is it? You made over 15 replies, with over 4 pages of comments with absolutely not one comment about Hornet's situation, you posted a picture of yourself, you discussed whether Oxbridge graduates are treated differently, you discussed whether you and your group of friends are differently treated because of your education. That isn't one reply, it isn't one off-hand comment it's an entirely different debate. It also lead to other posters becoming confused about the different situations Hornet and you were experiencing.

    And I'm sorry Hornet, you may not mind someone else taking a thread about yourself off-track to discuss themselves but we do. We believe a thread you start about the problems you are facing deserves to be about you, not some one else. I kinda wish you'd see it the same way, but regardless that's our view of how threads should proceed. Threads should stay on topic, not discuss widely varied issues that are of no help to your situation. I don't believe it's appropriate that a thread you started should be a discussion about whether someone else looks good in a blue top, even if you think it's fine for Jomerey's looks to be more important than your own situation.

    Oh, and as a final point, if a user is shouted at they will know it.

    **Helen** made a valid point about the direction of this thread and its usefulness to Hornet and doesn't deserve to be misrepresented that way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    In fact I will have to when this course is over, to pay back the career development loan (a whopping £3000, I'm gonna be years paying back all that in monthly installments)
    Off topic, but...
    As soon as you finish your course and have got yourself an income look at shifting your CDL to another loan provider, because the CDL interest rate is evil (with the Barclays one is was, anyway) - I borrowed the full £8k, repaying over 60 months at £181, but when I got my first annual statement (i.e. 12 months into repaying) I still had just under £7k to go...

    Having had just opened an Alliance and Leicester current account I was able to take out a loan with them at 5.9 APR (they guarantee current account holders their advertised rate if they offer them a loan), SO for borrowing £7,500 (the lowest amount you could borrow for the 5.9 rate), I'm now paying only £175 per month - and gained an extra £500 in the process :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes but this topic has turned into you getting the advice and it basically being your thread, which wasn't the case with BarmyArmy.

    Not entirely sure how I've been dragged into this lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And I'm sorry Hornet, you may not mind someone else taking a thread about yourself off-track to discuss themselves but we do. We believe a thread you start about the problems you are facing deserves to be about you, not some one else. I kinda wish you'd see it the same way, but regardless that's our view of how threads should proceed. Threads should stay on topic, not discuss widely varied issues that are of no help to your situation. I don't believe it's appropriate that a thread you started should be a discussion about whether someone else looks good in a blue top, even if you think it's fine for Jomerey's looks to be more important than your own situation.
    As if Jomery is the only one who took part in that. "But We do"? Who is "we"? Does that include the other people who took part in the photos and blue tops discussion? Ohhh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think all you need to do is just get a more positive outlook on things. Despite anything that has happened to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote: »
    not one comment about Hornet's situation
    Err, yes I have. Including in the last post:

    Hornet - I can understand if you have no friends going to a pub or club on your own would be hard, I'd not be able to do that. What you really really should go for is so-called "NETWORKING EVENTS". A new phenomenon which happens in cities. Not speed-dating but parties where the explicit point is to meet new people. I went to a networking event at a bar on Saturday, went on my own without knowing anyone, and was fine approaching guys and girls as you wouldn't be told to sod off as everyone's there to meet new people. Ended up spending the night having fun with a group of 5 friends, who if I wanted to may be able to join their social group.
    Jim V wrote: »
    you posted a picture of yourself
    Only because I was asked to by about 5 people. I didn't want to put a pic of myself up, my anonymity is important given the context.
    Jim V wrote: »
    you discussed whether Oxbridge graduates are treated differently
    Because someone else brought up that topic and I responded to it.
    Jim V wrote: »
    you discussed whether you and your group of friends are differently treated because of your education.
    Because someone else brought up that topic and I responded to it.
    Jim V wrote: »
    That isn't one reply, it isn't one off-hand comment it's an entirely different debate.
    So basically I'm guilty of replying to people when they asked me questions. Sorry, I should just ignore everyone shouldn't I.
    Jim V wrote: »
    It also lead to other posters becoming confused about the different situations Hornet and you were experiencing.
    And it's my problem people are too stupid to notice the difference between "Jomery" and "hornet" in a sizeable font as well?
    Jim V wrote: »
    We believe a thread you start about the problems you are facing deserves to be about you, not some one else.
    Love how you've now locked "my" thread.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fuksake jomery why do you even bother posting!?
    All you've done throughout your own and hornets thread is to pick holes into what everyone else is saying.
    Have you even stopped for a second and thought that maybe, just maybe(!) the problem lies with you?
    Now you obviously have a lot of issues and seem to be under the impression that you're better than everyone else, but if this really is the case, then how come the majority of the rest of us have no trouble pulling people yet you do? Attitude mate. yours is shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All you've done throughout your own and hornets thread is to pick holes into what everyone else is saying.
    Yes, it's called discussion. He didn't start it anyway. He has a right to make his own arguments heard.

    Put it this way: I'm willing to "share" a thread with someone who has similar issues to myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're willing to lump yourself in the same situation then fair enough, it's your choice - but when people start giving advice to you about how to make a move on the people you hang around with in clubs then don't complain. When people start asking you why you don't make more of the people you buy drinks for in nightclubs don't complain. When people ask you why it is that your huge group of female friends don't male on a move on you don't complain. When people say what's the problem given you're the center of your own social scene, then remember you decide to define yourself that way.

    Your situation is very different in my eyes, if it isn't in yours then fair enough - but in our eyes you have a right to your own presence here - even if you're so quick to give that away to someone else...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote: »
    If you're willing to lump yourself in the same situation then fair enough, it's your choice - but when people start giving advice to you about how to make a move on the people you hang around with in clubs then don't complain. When people start asking you why you don't make more of the people you buy drinks for in nightclubs don't complain. When people ask you why it is that your huge group of female friends don't male on a move on you don't complain. When people say what's the problem given you're the center of your own social scene, then remember you decide to define yourself that way.

    Your situation is very different in my eyes, if it isn't in yours then fair enough - but in our eyes you have a right to your own presence here - even if you're so quick to give that away to someone else...

    :yes:
    Only because I was asked to by about 5 people. I didn't want to put a pic of myself up, my anonymity is important given the context.

    Doesn't mean you had to post it though, does it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Obviously depends on the individual. But when you've been brought up by your parents and public school drumming into you that you're the best from a young age, you do well at one of the world's best unis, and you're on 6 figures age 23 in the City of London when a lot of grads struggle to just get a job, it's natural to have a bit of an inflated opinion about one's calibre.

    You need to stop making excuses for the attitudes of yourself and the people you associate with. Public school + intelligence + good university + good job does not have to = people with the attitude problems that a lot of your 'friends' seem to have. My boyfriend and his social group all went to Haberdashers Aske's, then studied at Bristol/Warwick/Cambridge. He's a trainee government lawyer, the others are in accountancy, banking, insurance, but not one of them have the snobby attitude that you describe. You seriously need to get yourself away from these wankers that seem to be unnaturally fascinated by your love life and find a bunch of people that have their feet a bit more firmly attached to the ground.

    And Hornet, PLEASE start paying heed to the advice people are giving you rather than dismissing so much of it out of hand. A lot of the suggestions have been good stuff :) And are you going to post a profile thingy doofah whatsit on here? Apart from anything else, focusing on your interests and good points and seeing them all written down should give you a much needed confidence boost.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hornet, have you thought about attending a thesite meet? That way you get to meet new people and maybe give your social life a bit of a kick start. It might take some of the meeting new people anxiety away a bit since it will be an organised situation designed to meet up with people in a social context and you have the chance to do introducing yourself groundwork on here first so they shouldn't all be complete strangers. Nobody there will care if you're a virgin and certainly wouldn't be asking you and then running away laughing.

    This shows how different your situation is to Jomery's... I wouldn't have given this advice to him, as he already seems to have a good social network around him, so doesn't really need to concentrate on the meeting new friends aspect before he turns his attentions to girls.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Actually I haven't been to nightclubs, haven't been to the pub in ages either, because I have no one to go with, see.


    Agreed, but doing a job that pays sounds like something that could do that and more. In fact I will have to when this course is over, to pay back the career development loan (a whopping £3000, I'm gonna be years paying back all that in monthly installments)

    It just seems like you're rebuking all advice. What do you actually want this topic to achieve?

    The amount of time this topic has been languishing on this board, you could have joined all sorts of clubs and societies or have gotten volunteer work. I guarantee you people there won't care one bit about your virginity status (if indeed after 19 pages that is what this topic is still about)

    Don't break this post down into quotes - dismissing everything i say, just think about it. This topic has been here for 6 weeks, and you're still in the same position; so you've gained absolutely nothing from it. So maybe it's time to stop reading it, stop telling everyone that their ideas are no use for you and just get out there and do some of them.

    Hell, if you live in Sheffield, then come out rock climbing with me... and if you don't just try some volunteer work, if you don't like it after a day, well you know to try something else next time. Life is an adventure if you will open yourself up to experiencing everything on offer. I'm sure you could fit some volunteer work around your college, and so what if you don't get paid, if your situation is as dire as you make it, you won't be able to even place a monetary value on the experiences you'll gain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is andy peters gay? Or does he simply talk in a really camp fashion?:chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guarantee you people there won't care one bit about your virginity status (if indeed after 19 pages that is what this topic is still about)

    :yes: TBH, I think it's only a big deal if you make it out to be one.
    So maybe it's time to stop reading it, stop telling everyone that their ideas are no use for you and just get out there and do some of them.

    :yes:

    Do you have some sort of job that invovles working with/meeting people?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    Is andy peters gay? Or does he simply talk in a really camp fashion?:chin:

    Maybe its the way you read it ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    Maybe its the way you read it ;)

    I dont have 100% fool proof gaydar but i like to think i can tell :p

    He is mega rich though! Maybe i should consider batting for the other team :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    I dont have 100% fool proof gaydar but i like to think i can tell :p

    He is mega rich though! Maybe i should consider batting for the other team :lol:

    Oh you're talking about the REAL Andy Peters :blush:
    I thought you mean the poster there was typing in a camp fashion and that you was giving him a camp voice when you read it in your head.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Andi Peters

    He does sound a bit camp... Awwww I wanna be his friend! :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, he is a legend. Back in the day when he was presenting in the broom cupboard with ed the duck!:thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    Is andy peters gay? Or does he simply talk in a really camp fashion?:chin:

    Oh no thread hi-jacking, kill kill kill, your attitude is bad. *wink wink*

    In reply to Andy Peters: I know it must sound like I am ignoring all the advice but I ain't. I wouldn't strictly agree that I've gained nothing from this, I've met Jomery, there's been a load of advice from loads of people, you included. As mad as it may sound to you, I still feel as though I'll be better off giving people a wide berth and the less I have to mix with them the better. They're horrible and I am yet to meet anyone who is not like that. A 20 year old virgin is not going to be taken seriously or accepted by anyone, anywhere. Try getting yourself a glimpse of their true colours before you sit in judgement of me and my bad attitude. I've had a negative impact on this place and I regret that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Oh no thread hi-jacking, kill kill kill, your attitude is bad. *wink wink*

    In reply to Andy Peters: I know it must sound like I am ignoring all the advice but I ain't. I wouldn't strictly agree that I've gained nothing from this, I've met Jomery, there's been a load of advice from loads of people, you included. As mad as it may sound to you, I still feel as though I'll be better off giving people a wide berth and the less I have to mix with them the better. They're horrible and I am yet to meet anyone who is not like that. A 20 year old virgin is not going to be taken seriously or accepted by anyone, anywhere. Try getting yourself a glimpse of their true colours before you sit in judgement of me and my bad attitude. I've had a negative impact on this place and I regret that.

    I haven't actually read the 11 pages of this (or however many there are if there are more), because I didn't begin reading it when the thread was posted and tbh, can't be bothered reading them all now. I want to reply to this last post though.

    It is very easy to make yourself a victim and say 'oh I have made a negative impact on this place and I am a bad person.' First of all, no you haven't. Secondly, no-one feels sorry for you and no-one will treat you as a victim because that would be patronising and we are all equals in life. I am willing to bet that you think like this (what you wrote above) in all aspects of your life whenever something goes wrong. It is not that you are a virgin or that you have no friends that is the problem, it is your attitude. If you act like you are the problem and you let people know you believe you are the problem, then they will believe you are the problem. So let go of that attitude towards yourself and just let yourself be. That is what everyone else does, and that is how you get friends and girlfriends that are real- by being real.

    Repeat- You are not a victim. You are capable of being much more than that.

    This is not meant to be offensive or any such, it is really meant to help, so I apologise if it comes across as some sort of 'go' at you.

    Mila
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unleash the fury!!!!!:mad: :eek: :lol:

    On a serious note, mila is right. Its all about attitude. Feeling sorry for yourself will get you some initial support but going on about it and not doing anything about it will make people dont wanna hear.

    Its like telling someone something and it going in one ear and out the other, its pointless to keep saying it unless they actually take it in and do something.

    Its all about being pro active and actually making an effort to get where you want!

    End of Positive Mental Attitude speech - Chris Akabusi Trademark
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Oh no thread hi-jacking, kill kill kill, your attitude is bad. *wink wink*

    In reply to Andy Peters: I know it must sound like I am ignoring all the advice but I ain't. I wouldn't strictly agree that I've gained nothing from this, I've met Jomery, there's been a load of advice from loads of people, you included. As mad as it may sound to you, I still feel as though I'll be better off giving people a wide berth and the less I have to mix with them the better. They're horrible and I am yet to meet anyone who is not like that. A 20 year old virgin is not going to be taken seriously or accepted by anyone, anywhere. Try getting yourself a glimpse of their true colours before you sit in judgement of me and my bad attitude. I've had a negative impact on this place and I regret that.

    If you do that then how do you expect to make friends?

    Why does losing your virginity matter so much to you? I'm only a few years younger than you but I couldn't care less what people think about me.
    It is not that you are a virgin or that you have no friends that is the problem, it is your attitude.

    :yes: In one way I think this is going to be a vicious circle because you say you have no friends, which means you're going to have a negative atitude, which is return will meantat it's going to be harder to mkae friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    I still feel as though I'll be better off giving people a wide berth and the less I have to mix with them the better. They're horrible and I am yet to meet anyone who is not like that. A 20 year old virgin is not going to be taken seriously or accepted by anyone, anywhere.

    All people are horrible. So everyone on this thread is horrible? Or is thesite a little oasis in the desert?
    Do you think if you met some of the people from this forum they would rebuke you? That they haven't felt like you, or been in your position and do you think they haven't done something about it simply by being proactive?

    I really think the best thing you could do is look for a job or do some volunteer work, why not try going into a primary school and helping out. Now there NO ONE will care whether you're a virgin or not, and you'll be able to gain loads of confidence by bossing kids about :)

    1 phonecall, it's all it takes, you can put an end to this vicious cycle and this thread can return to the bowells of boards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No-one with any sense would care whether you're a virgin or not.
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