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Going home and bumping into the ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi di ho. Well pretty obvious what this is about, if you havent read the title :p

Going home for easter on Saturday and im starting to think what im gonna do over it. Has nearly been a year now since things went tits up with her, thinking about it hasnt time bloody flown by. I think up until the end of April last year things were still good between us, after that well wasn't particulary the greatest time in my life. Tried on various occasions to at least try and be friends but it never really worked out. I don't think friends even to this day would work.

Don't feel like i've got over her at all yet and its been a year. I cut contact a few times but failed in doing so, each time when i went home from home uni. Last time i was home i told her it would be ok for us to text and talk and all that, few hours after that it just all hit me again and i didnt think it would help me, in some ways i still want her, even though i know i can't. I came back to uni and ignored her texts and she never text back since. Has been about a month and a bit now of nothing. Suppose that helps. Don't really help myself though by doing the good old snoopathon on Facebook and seeing what shes upto etc, doesnt help at all when you stumble across comments and pictures that i would rather not know about but i guess thats my fault.

Well anyway i guess the whole point of this thread is what to do when i get home. Shes going travelling for 3 months soon and i know for a fact, through my snooping, that she's having a farewell party. I havent been invited, i wasnt expecting to be invited, not that i would of gone anyway. But anyway yeah, i know on that night all her crew etc will end up in the same club that me and my lot will be in that night.

I don't really know what i'd do/say if i bumped into her after months of ignoring her texts after saying it was ok to talk to me. Isn't even that one night, i have like 3 weeks of the possibility of bumping into her .. maybe just not on her own but with her other bloke, the main reason everything fucked up between us. I dont wanna see that, especially if im hammered which i am more then likely gonna be.

I do tend to just text her everytime i go home, dunno why .. well i do know why cause i wanna see how she is and all that. Still think about her everyday but i know it aint fair to just text her when i want out the blue and then go and just ignore her. But then ive been thinking recently whether or not to text her to wish her luck on her travels etc but i dunno. Maybe it's best to just leave it, seems it always causes a never ending circle of the same old crap that wont go away.

So ermm yeah, rant over. Well wasnt so much a rant :p, just like to see what people think i should do as so far i've been pretty useless in what ive done.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you know what club she is going to for her leaving doo, then I would avoid that club to be honest... its only going to end up pissing you off and plus you don't want to have an argument with her when its her last night with her friends before she goes away.

    I wouldnt txt her while your home either... as you said it just turns into a vicious cycle!
    Just try and enjoy yourself with your mates while you can!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really think you're better off not texting her, probably even deleting her number from your phone. It's been a year and you're no closer to getting over her, you're twisting yourself in knots and you're going to drive yourself crackers if you don't cut things off.

    I think when you split up with somebody the first priority should be to get over them, then see if there's a friendship there or not. It's not working, so your better off cutting your losses before it drives you bananas. Short term pain for long term gain and all that :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »
    I really think you're better off not texting her, probably even deleting her number from your phone.
    :yes: ... I seem to remember someone else saying this to you over msn goodfella ;)

    If you do bump into her, or even if you just catch a glance of her in a club somewhere..or someone who looks like her etc, it will be exactly like just after the break up all over again, trust me mate. Its painful as fuck! :(
    I'm trying (and pretty much failing) to get over someone myself and its definately not easy.
    Obviously this girl had a big impact on your life and its pretty plain that youre not over her yet, just try to not think about her and try to avoid places that will bring back memories..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd try and avoid her tbh. Not that you shouldn't go that club or anything but if its really going to affect you then, yanno.

    If I was you, I'd personally delete that number off your phone. I split up with my ex of three years around the same time you split up with yours but we cut contact within months. I was over him within a few months after that though and I very rarely think about him now. Its only when I actually see someone who I know through him actually that I think of him. Its kinda bad that you still think of your ex everyday.

    I've been lucky enough not to bump into this particular ex at times I've been at home (we are both at different unis) but even if I did bump into him, I really don't think it would be a big deal. I feel absolutely nothing for him so it wouldn't bother me seeing him with a new girl or anything. I don't even know if I'd say hi tbh. If its going to bother you seeing your ex with someone else, then well, I think you should just avoid the place.

    You MUST stop looking on her facebook/or whatever else she has though. Sure, I've been guilty of looking at exe's facebook/myspace/bebo profiles every now and again but who hasn't? I don't believe that none of my exes haven't looked at mine :p If you find yourself looking at them often though, then well, yeah, not a good sign. STOP LOOKING AT THEM.

    My advice to you would be to completely cut contact, get out there and have fun :) Stop looking at her facebook because where does that get you? It just upsets you.

    If you do bump into her, just smile and say hi but leave it at that.

    I hope you get over her soon mate :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys, i'll reply 2moz when im abit more sober :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    Hi di ho. Well pretty obvious what this is about, if you havent read the title :p

    Going home for easter on Saturday and im starting to think what im gonna do over it. Has nearly been a year now since things went tits up with her, thinking about it hasnt time bloody flown by. I think up until the end of April last year things were still good between us, after that well wasn't particulary the greatest time in my life. Tried on various occasions to at least try and be friends but it never really worked out. I don't think friends even to this day would work.

    Don't feel like i've got over her at all yet and its been a year. I cut contact a few times but failed in doing so, each time when i went home from home uni. Last time i was home i told her it would be ok for us to text and talk and all that, few hours after that it just all hit me again and i didnt think it would help me, in some ways i still want her, even though i know i can't. I came back to uni and ignored her texts and she never text back since. Has been about a month and a bit now of nothing. Suppose that helps. Don't really help myself though by doing the good old snoopathon on Facebook and seeing what shes upto etc, doesnt help at all when you stumble across comments and pictures that i would rather not know about but i guess thats my fault.

    Well anyway i guess the whole point of this thread is what to do when i get home. Shes going travelling for 3 months soon and i know for a fact, through my snooping, that she's having a farewell party. I havent been invited, i wasnt expecting to be invited, not that i would of gone anyway. But anyway yeah, i know on that night all her crew etc will end up in the same club that me and my lot will be in that night.

    I don't really know what i'd do/say if i bumped into her after months of ignoring her texts after saying it was ok to talk to me. Isn't even that one night, i have like 3 weeks of the possibility of bumping into her .. maybe just not on her own but with her other bloke, the main reason everything fucked up between us. I dont wanna see that, especially if im hammered which i am more then likely gonna be.

    I do tend to just text her everytime i go home, dunno why .. well i do know why cause i wanna see how she is and all that. Still think about her everyday but i know it aint fair to just text her when i want out the blue and then go and just ignore her. But then ive been thinking recently whether or not to text her to wish her luck on her travels etc but i dunno. Maybe it's best to just leave it, seems it always causes a never ending circle of the same old crap that wont go away.

    So ermm yeah, rant over. Well wasnt so much a rant :p, just like to see what people think i should do as so far i've been pretty useless in what ive done.


    Hello mate, I remember reading your story before and can relate to what your feeling from my own experiences. I split up with my Ex about 15 months ago now, haven't spoken to her for a year and am still avoiding places in which I may bump into her (i.e. Nightclubs, City Centre etc).

    I started off doing a bit of "snooping", but I just felt worse for it. To the point that I saw she was on Facebook and I decided to cancel my account to avoid the awkwardness if she tried to add me and also because I don't want to know what she's doing and who she is seeing.

    I haven't asked my mates if she has tried to add them on facebook and have told them that I don't want them to ever mention her around me. I find it's easier to pretend she doesn't exist, although I do think bout her everyday.... just my way of dealing with it.

    Best of luck when you go home mate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right well im back home now, food heaven and all that :p Thanks for the replies from you all :)

    Nice to be home and see the family and just chill out on my own for abit, saw some of my mates earlier and that was nice .. just to catch up with them and see how there doing at there unis etc, has been a while.

    Ive been trying to avoid facebook as much as i can recently, only been on it to accept friend requests and all that malarky .. if im being honest i still have snooped about .. but im trying to cut it down .. TRYING! .. not easy though. Only been back a day and am trying to keep busy .. even with coursework! Doesnt stop the old mind thinking though does it .. dont think there is a cure to stopping your mind wonder and start thinking. I don't think i'll stop thinking about her for a long time tbh, maybe never i dunno.

    I dunno if i could delete her number from my phone .. i dont think i could do that. Maybe it wouldnt make a difference, she hasnt contacted me for a while ... maybe shes had enough of it all and decided to try and forget as well i dunno, i doubt shes like me at the moment .. less crazy lol :p

    I've gone through crazy thinking moments the last few days, whether i should contact her .. in any way, shes offf soon for three months and i dunno, felt like i should at least explain myself in some way or at least say bye and good luck ... but i guess i gotta let go, gotta stop thinking so "nice" and just try and forget her.

    Dont wanna get into corny territory but was watching Shawshank Redemption last night, the end theme about hope and seeing his friend again, nearly brought a tear to my eye really, guess one day i hope i can see her again and things be good between us and i guess stupidly deep down if im being honest i guess i hope things could one day work between us, but i know i know stupid to think that .. but cant help it.

    Time to move on and all that, i know. Havent really put any effort into really, don't really feel like seeing anyone else.

    Been told a few times my girl mates of mine that some people think im unapproachable lol .. i dont seem to think i purposely act that way, maybe i do come across that way i dunno. I think i have changed .. maybe more then i think, i thinking maybe the time at work when i had to see her and this other bloke every shift together effected me more then i think .. i dunno... does seem to have left some sort of imprint in my mind which i gotta try and get rid of.

    Ah well, thanks for reading guys and gals. Think i'll stop with all this malarky now on here, unless something happens. Upto me now anyway .. had enougn advice on this now .. time it went away.

    Thanks again :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    Right well im back home now, food heaven and all that :p Thanks for the replies from you all :)

    Nice to be home and see the family and just chill out on my own for abit, saw some of my mates earlier and that was nice .. just to catch up with them and see how there doing at there unis etc, has been a while.

    Ive been trying to avoid facebook as much as i can recently, only been on it to accept friend requests and all that malarky .. if im being honest i still have snooped about .. but im trying to cut it down .. TRYING! .. not easy though. Only been back a day and am trying to keep busy .. even with coursework! Doesnt stop the old mind thinking though does it .. dont think there is a cure to stopping your mind wonder and start thinking. I don't think i'll stop thinking about her for a long time tbh, maybe never i dunno.

    I dunno if i could delete her number from my phone .. i dont think i could do that. Maybe it wouldnt make a difference, she hasnt contacted me for a while ... maybe shes had enough of it all and decided to try and forget as well i dunno, i doubt shes like me at the moment .. less crazy lol :p

    I've gone through crazy thinking moments the last few days, whether i should contact her .. in any way, shes offf soon for three months and i dunno, felt like i should at least explain myself in some way or at least say bye and good luck ... but i guess i gotta let go, gotta stop thinking so "nice" and just try and forget her.

    Dont wanna get into corny territory but was watching Shawshank Redemption last night, the end theme about hope and seeing his friend again, nearly brought a tear to my eye really, guess one day i hope i can see her again and things be good between us and i guess stupidly deep down if im being honest i guess i hope things could one day work between us, but i know i know stupid to think that .. but cant help it.

    Time to move on and all that, i know. Havent really put any effort into really, don't really feel like seeing anyone else.

    Been told a few times my girl mates of mine that some people think im unapproachable lol .. i dont seem to think i purposely act that way, maybe i do come across that way i dunno. I think i have changed .. maybe more then i think, i thinking maybe the time at work when i had to see her and this other bloke every shift together effected me more then i think .. i dunno... does seem to have left some sort of imprint in my mind which i gotta try and get rid of.

    Ah well, thanks for reading guys and gals. Think i'll stop with all this malarky now on here, unless something happens. Upto me now anyway .. had enougn advice on this now .. time it went away.

    Thanks again :)

    Seriously mate, you have to STOP snooping on facebook.... I know it's hard, the only way I done it was by unregistering myself and promising myself not to sign back in.

    I can understand exactly what you're going through, because it sounds as if your relationship with your ex is similar to mine.

    I couldn't just be friends with my ex, so I deleted her number (it made no difference tbh as i knew it off-by-heart) and turned my phone off whenever I was out on the piss - that way I didnt text her. She kept texting and emailing me... but it was over and there was no way back and I couldn't JUST be friends. I loved her too much and still love her 15 months on from the split, despite having NOT HAD ANY CONTACT for a whole year!

    You may not be fully over her for a long time.... you just have to do whatever you can to avoid seeing her or things that'll make you jealous (i.e. her with another bloke, or messages from another bloke on facebook).

    I know it don't seem like it now, but you'll be with another great girl one day and then you won't care anymore.... it hasn't happened to me yet, I'm in no hurry - I want to sow a few wild oats and see a bit of the world before I get in another serious relationship.

    Jealousy is the a horrible feeling... I felt sick for weeks when I saw my ex with another bloke, and I don't even know the full story behind it - and the longer I don't know, the better.

    It's not gonna be easy.... best of luck pal. ;)
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