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20 y/old virgin

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    Oxbridge/private school students aren't "naturally" snobby. One of my better friends goes to Cambridge, and came from Colchester Royal Grammar School to do the IB at my college before going there, and he's FAR from snobby...
    Obviously depends on the individual. But when you've been brought up by your parents and public school drumming into you that you're the best from a young age, you do well at one of the world's best unis, and you're on 6 figures age 23 in the City of London when a lot of grads struggle to just get a job, it's natural to have a bit of an inflated opinion about one's calibre. Even people who wouldn't normally be deemed in the slightest have been putting down people for going into e.g. accountancy rather than investment banking, secondary school teaching rather than uni academia, getting a 2.2 degree etc. Personally yes I'm guilty of judging someone's "calibre" by their looks, dress sense, socioeconomics, uni, job etc, but would happily be friends with people of any background who I click with. But before you start, no I don't give off the impression I think I'm better than others when I meet people - at a party yesterday met a lot of people from all sorts of backgrounds, was interested on what they do, now got another 5 Facebook friend requests and msgs saying how lovely it was to meet me etc etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Obviously depends on the individual. But when you've been brought up by your parents and public school drumming into you that you're the best from a young age, you do well at one of the world's best unis, and you're on 6 figures age 23 in the City of London when a lot of grads struggle to just get a job, it's natural to have a bit of an inflated opinion about one's calibre. Even people who wouldn't normally be deemed in the slightest have been putting down people for going into e.g. accountancy rather than investment banking, secondary school teaching rather than uni academia, getting a 2.2 degree etc. Personally yes I'm guilty of judging someone's "calibre" by their looks, dress sense, socioeconomics, uni, job etc, but would happily be friends with people of any background who I click with.

    Maybe you need to lower your standards?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lacy wrote: »
    Maybe you need to lower your standards?
    I'd happily go out with about half the UK female population age 20-24! Anyone who's a 5/6 or above.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now got another 5 Facebook friend requests and msgs saying how lovely it was to meet me etc etc.
    no offence - but you sound like a 12 year old. I think the impression people are getting is that you're a rich kid that's lived a sheltered life, never been in need of anything, always had the best, started off ahead and like some (not all) come out into the real world not knowing what has hit them. Not saying that's your fault, no one can help what kind of family they're born into. But anyway - as i've said, this thread isn't about you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With regards to hornet, I had similar problems so I can relate. You need to find the circle where you are comfortable. You could also probably do with some social skills training because it sounds like you desperately need it. Do you suffer from Aspergers by any chance?
    You're not serious, are you? I already pointed out many times now the reasons why I avoid people and ignore them so much, and mental disorders have nothing to do with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    I'd happily go out with about half the UK female population age 20-24! Anyone who's a 5/6 or above.


    You talking about looks or height?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    . You could also probably do with some social skills training because it sounds like you desperately need it.

    :yes:
    I'd happily go out with about half the UK female population age 20-24! Anyone who's a 5/6 or above.

    You what?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ooooo facebook requests :hyper:

    I get requests almost on a daily basis. Whats your point?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've already assessed that it's not your face that's the problem, it's something in your personality / social skills / attitude.

    As for those who are desperate to lose your virginity, why not just go and visit a prostitute?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You talking about looks or height?

    As long as it's not age. :p
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster

    As for those who are desperate to lose your virginity, why not just go and visit a prostitute?

    :no: I can think of so many reasons why that's not a good idea.

    Jomery, you really need to stick to your own threads - I meant it when I said it was rude to hi-jack others.

    I don't think I can say this without it causing some offence, so I'm not going to bother with the bullshit "no offence" line. But, is this how you are in real life... always wanting the focus to be on you? Because if it is then that might be part of the problem. Just a thought - and I'll happily admit that I can be wrong at times ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    :no: I can think of so many reasons why that's not a good idea.

    Apart from the risk of sexually-transmitted diseases, I'm not sure what you think the other risks are. And STDs can be just as much of a danger in any "casual sex" and presumably they'd take precautions.

    There are different classes of prostitutes. For Jomery, who can probably afford it, an "escort" may well be an option. Remember also that prostitutes are people too - it's easy enough to tarnish them, but it might help the way you interact with women in general.

    I will leave it to Helen for the case against.

    My own view is that it would be preferable not to visit one but would be preferable instead to forget about being so desperate to rid yourself of your virginity. Only if you can't do that, you might consider a prostitute or escort.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    earl purple

    jomery has already stated (quite a few times) that going to a prostitute isnt an option for him as his problem isnt ALL about sex, alot of it is to do with his inability to form conversations/relationships with females (other than the female mates he has)

    i presume the same can be said about the OP

    paying for sex wont do anything for their confidence, which is what they need to boost
    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In some of the posts they wanted to lose the stigma of virginity. I was merely suggesting that if that was all they really wanted then a prostitute may be the simplest solution.

    I don't know if visiting a prostitute would boost their confidence in any way. It might do in that it would mean they would spend a certain amount of time alone with a woman and their interaction with that woman might give them some practice in general.

    I do think Jomery is looking in the wrong places.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cant see how having to resort to paying for sex would help their confidence issues

    visiting a prostitute has been suggested and i dont think either are up for it, and i dont blame them

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm just had a thought maybe the OP and Jomery could try speed dating?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Littleali wrote: »
    earl purple

    jomery has already stated (quite a few times) that going to a prostitute isnt an option for him as his problem isnt ALL about sex, alot of it is to do with his inability to form conversations/relationships with females (other than the female mates he has)

    i presume the same can be said about the OP

    paying for sex wont do anything for their confidence, which is what they need to boost
    :)

    :yes: That's pretty much where I was coming from, maybe I should have made that clearer.

    I honestly don't think that losing his virginity is the main issue here - and it won't save the problems mentioned relating to friends attitudes.

    "so how's your love life?"
    "great, yeah - I'm seeing a prostitute."

    It's not going to help self-esteem, as paying for someone's time/sexual contact is completely different to them actually wanting to spend time with you. And yeah, they'll probably get sex, but afterward's I imagine they will be in the same situation.

    ETA: As Littleali say, the guys probably don't need for me to tell them this, but it's just to make it clear that a charity for young people was never going to condone advice to 'go to a prostitute' if you're having issues with women.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    hmmm just had a thought maybe the OP and Jomery could try speed dating?

    I don't think that would help. Jomery said he didn't have a problem meeting and speaking to women, it was just taking it further.

    speed dating is quite competitive too, you are basically going to be compared with the other 10/15 guys on offer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have tried speed dating but i did think it was that great. It was interesting meeting loads of new people but it was like an interview at times. Everyone asked the same question plus you didnt have enough time to talk to them resulting to it being like an interview!

    i can't see the virginity thing as a problem, if he wants to lose it that badly, go to a prosititute.

    If he wants to go further with girls then he just needs to improve his confidence and social skills. Everyone is different and not everyone is great at it but the only way is to improve on those things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    jomery has already stated (quite a few times) that going to a prostitute isnt an option for him as his problem isnt ALL about sex, alot of it is to do with his inability to form conversations/relationships with females (other than the female mates he has)
    From what I can tell, jomery has no problem having conversations with girls and forming relationships. It's reading the signs and making a move that's the issue. And you're not going to learn that stuff with someone who you're paying to spend time with you (and it won't exactly solve the "how's your love life?" question - "Oh, I had a cracking shag with a prostitute the other night."). Sure, you might learn the mechanics of it, though you'll have no genuine feedback as to how much she's enjoying things.

    As a bloke you have to learn when a girl is interested in you, and how to make a move, because 9 out of 10 girls will wait for you to kiss them, even if they were the one that dragged you onto the dancefloor, or touched your arm first, or pretty much did all the work up until then. Especially somewhere like a club, it's simply a case of knowing when and how to make a move, rather than seeing everything up until the kiss as some sort of technique to make her interested. I'm pretty sure I've never been kissed in a club because of my riveting conversation or immense charm. Hell, I kissed a girl the other night within 5 seconds of meeting her before I even knew her name (I don't suggest that though). You can be the most charming, interesting, funny guy in the world, but if you don't make a move then the girl (especially if she's not the confident type) will assume that you don't fancy her, and naturally will go off and talk to someone who does. If a girl goes off with someone else, it's probably because she thought you didn't fancy her, because you didn't make a move. If a girl rejects you when you go to kiss her, it's because you haven't read the signals right. It's a tricky place to be, but the only advice I can give is to be confident, and just go for it. If with 10 girls you read the signals wrong, and the 11th, you get it right, will it not be worth it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I can tell, jomery has no problem having conversations with girls and forming relationships. It's reading the signs and making a move that's the issue. And you're not going to learn that stuff with someone who you're paying to spend time with you (and it won't exactly solve the "how's your love life?" question - "Oh, I had a cracking shag with a prostitute the other night."). Sure, you might learn the mechanics of it, though you'll have no genuine feedback as to how much she's enjoying things.

    As a bloke you have to learn when a girl is interested in you, and how to make a move, because 9 out of 10 girls will wait for you to kiss them, even if they were the one that dragged you onto the dancefloor, or touched your arm first, or pretty much did all the work up until then. Especially somewhere like a club, it's simply a case of knowing when and how to make a move, rather than seeing everything up until the kiss as some sort of technique to make her interested. I'm pretty sure I've never been kissed in a club because of my riveting conversation or immense charm. Hell, I kissed a girl the other night within 5 seconds of meeting her before I even knew her name (I don't suggest that though). You can be the most charming, interesting, funny guy in the world, but if you don't make a move then the girl (especially if she's not the confident type) will assume that you don't fancy her, and naturally will go off and talk to someone who does. If a girl goes off with someone else, it's probably because she thought you didn't fancy her, because you didn't make a move. If a girl rejects you when you go to kiss her, it's because you haven't read the signals right. It's a tricky place to be, but the only advice I can give is to be confident, and just go for it. If with 10 girls you read the signals wrong, and the 11th, you get it right, will it not be worth it?


    Exactly, its all about trial and error. Also, even though it might not be the best approach. Going up to girls and asking them if they wanna sleep with you by chance will get you results. It might not actually work in reality but if you think that the more girls you ask, there is more chance of one saying yes!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    Exactly, its all about trial and error. Also, even though it might not be the best approach. Going up to girls and asking them if they wanna sleep with you by chance will get you results. It might not actually work in reality but if you think that the more girls you ask, there is more chance of one saying yes!

    Hehe, yeah I wouldn't recommend that. But I agree that you've got to get rid of your cautious nature when trying to pull (why d'you think people drink alcohol first). Rather than thinking "Is that girl dancing near me because she likes me, or is she just being pushed by everyone else," assume she is dancing near you because she likes you and approach her. Rather than thinking, "did she tilt her head to open herself up for the kiss, or is one side of her hair just heavier than the other," when you're dancing with her, assume she did tilt her head so you could kiss her. The more you do it, the more often you'll get it right, and the more confident you'll get, and the more practice you'll get as a result.

    Oh and a quick pet peeve which goes for everyone. Fucking smile at people you like, and make it obvious. It's much easier to approach someone who's just smiled right at you. What are you afraid of? That, God forbid, they'll notice that you like them? It's not fucking primary school.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Oh and a quick pet peeve which goes for everyone. Fucking smile at people you like, and make it obvious. It's much easier to approach someone who's just smiled right at you. What are you afraid of? That, God forbid, they'll notice that you like them? It's not fucking primary school.

    Lol, thats true though. Theres no way i'd ever approach someone that didn't smile at me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I forget to smile most of the time, i mostly gawp at their clevages like on saturday night!

    I must remember to smile more :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    :yes: That's pretty much where I was coming from, maybe I should have made that clearer.

    I honestly don't think that losing his virginity is the main issue here - and it won't save the problems mentioned relating to friends attitudes.

    "so how's your love life?"
    "great, yeah - I'm seeing a prostitute."
    Stupid answer. Stupid answer...

    "so how's your love life?"

    "great, yeah, well nothing serious on, just enjoying myself, having fun".
    It's not going to help self-esteem, as paying for someone's time/sexual contact is completely different to them actually wanting to spend time with you. And yeah, they'll probably get sex, but afterward's I imagine they will be in the same situation.
    If he sees the same one regularly, they might build up a friendship during sessions. Of course it won't lead to anything outside, but might raise his confidence around women.
    ETA: As Littleali say, the guys probably don't need for me to tell them this, but it's just to make it clear that a charity for young people was never going to condone advice to 'go to a prostitute' if you're having issues with women.

    I didn't expect it to be. I would be interested in your multiple reasons why not though (apart from the risk of STDs).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he sees the same one regularly, they might build up a friendship during sessions. Of course it won't lead to anything outside, but might raise his confidence around women.

    Just to state the obvious, real life isn't Pretty Woman. Using a prostitute to build confidence is hardly likely to succeed.. You are after all making a payment to a person to perform a service on you. You're not getting a friend, you're not learning how to relate to people, you're paying someone for their time and use of their body.

    If you want to pay for something I'd suggest looking into something that can help boost your self confidence, not something that creates an illusion of success.

    In my own opinion, just because someone is a virgin hasn't got anything to do with their self-confidence - once they have sex, they will simply of had sex once, they won't suddenly be treating people in a different way or have fundamentally changed something that was causing the problem beforehand.

    To be honest, feeling embarresed about a lack of sexual experience or failure in pulling is, as other people have mentioned, often linked to issues of self-esteem. It's important to bear in mind that self-esteem isn't quite the same thing as self-confidence. Increasing self-esteem is about the fundamental factors that define our personality, even our outlook on the word.

    Paying to see a prostitute might increase confidence - but confidence to pay for sex. It isn't going to make it easier to talk to a woman (after all taxi drivers talk to me when I pay them, doesn't mean I think it's because I'm a great conversationalist), isn't going to make them any more relaxed about meeting someone. And soliciting is still a crime, and still carries automatic addition to the sex offenders list. Believe it or not people do still get convicted for it, and if pulling was a problem before, imagine explaining to a girlfriend why you have to report to the police station with your address every month...

    The best advice I've seen here is about the intention behind meeting other people. If you're looking for a good laugh with a stranger that might become a friend, then something that might develop, or perhaps even turn into something that could one day become more serious then you'll find that much easier to achieve than hoping for a fuck to fall out of the sky. That's something that might come, but not if you're this worried about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually to put the record straight, soliciting and kerb-crawling are crimes, answering an advertisement is not, nor is paying for sex with a consenting adult a crime.

    Anyway, assuming what they are looking for is a relationship, not just to lose their virginity, I would be interested to see if either of them could put in a little "profile" of themselves that might be used in a potential ad (without any contact details, of course). We should also hit them with questions that they normally find uncomfortable to answer, and see if they can answer them no longer feeling uncomfortable. I think that would be a huge step.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anyway, assuming what they are looking for is a relationship, not just to lose their virginity, I would be interested to see if either of them could put in a little "profile" of themselves that might be used in a potential ad (without any contact details, of course). We should also hit them with questions that they normally find uncomfortable to answer, and see if they can answer them no longer feeling uncomfortable. I think that would be a huge step.

    Oh, we should do that anyway. It sounds fun. "Athletic, Notting Hill-based movie star, millionaire. Seeks gullible stunner."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As a bloke you have to learn when a girl is interested in you, and how to make a move, because 9 out of 10 girls will wait for you to kiss them, even if they were the one that dragged you onto the dancefloor, or touched your arm first, or pretty much did all the work up until then. Especially somewhere like a club, it's simply a case of knowing when and how to make a move, rather than seeing everything up until the kiss as some sort of technique to make her interested. I'm pretty sure I've never been kissed in a club because of my riveting conversation or immense charm. Hell, I kissed a girl the other night within 5 seconds of meeting her before I even knew her name (I don't suggest that though). You can be the most charming, interesting, funny guy in the world, but if you don't make a move then the girl (especially if she's not the confident type) will assume that you don't fancy her, and naturally will go off and talk to someone who does. If a girl goes off with someone else, it's probably because she thought you didn't fancy her, because you didn't make a move. If a girl rejects you when you go to kiss her, it's because you haven't read the signals right. It's a tricky place to be, but the only advice I can give is to be confident, and just go for it. If with 10 girls you read the signals wrong, and the 11th, you get it right, will it not be worth it?
    I hope you ain't talking to me because that was the most insulting, patronising load of codswallop I've ever not read. I mean, duh?
    Anyway, assuming what they are looking for is a relationship, not just to lose their virginity
    Yes, sir correct. Like I'd want the first time, or any time, to be with someone I've only know for half an hour...damn I just don't get that.
    i cant see how having to resort to paying for sex would help their confidence issues

    visiting a prostitute has been suggested and i dont think either are up for it, and i dont blame them
    That's right.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, hornet, so let's see your profile. Place it here.
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