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I totally understand what you're saying. If you feel uncomfortable posting in this thread, you could always start a new post of your own?
There are some peopel in here who are just drepessed and don't actually self harm.
You could always start a new thread if it bothers you that much.
It isn't going to get away but it becomes more a badge of honour and less a badge of shame as you get older.
"I survived" is a fucking fantastic feeling.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm proud to have got where I have done but meh, nightmates, flashbacks, etc - they really begin to get you down after a while. I just have alot of anger inside me about it all and I don't know, the older I get, the worse I feel about it. Its like the whole thing is constantly going to be there. Its stupid because I'm happy now living a normal life and its now that its getting to me the most. It just really frustrating. I know that sounds completely strange and weird.
I'm just wish I could understand myself sometimes.
Jordy - Chin up hun. I've read a few of your threads and it sounds as though you've got it pretty tough right now. Remember though, your brother really needs you and without you, where would he be right now? You are a wonderful person for doing what you are doing. Just remember that. Things will eventually get better. PM me if you want someone to talk to
Self harming and depression goes hand in hand most of the time. The thread is used to keep the posts in one place and used by some as a good place to get some support where they dont get it anywhere else in their lives. In you need specific help start another thread. This one can get a bit full on sometimes.
just take your time-sorry i cant help more
I havent been ready to get help for years. You need to find some way of getting through it. You can only bottle things up so far before you start cracking.
it does take time and it is the hardest thing in the world getting help and there are so many complications-im now thinking and feeling like i should tell my parents but cant-just take care of yourself sofie
Parents dont always understand, espicially when its come to self harming.
I'm sure if they knew they're son or daughter was so unhappy, they resorted to self harm to overcome the pain they'd soon come to your aid. (an I've been there
Its no good constantly posting on this thread about how bad it all is for you, you need to make a push, you need 'tangible' affection and understanding! No amount of virtual companionship and text talk on here, is going to do you much good. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but its easy to get into a rut of self harming and then to come on here and get upset about it all. Its a vicious circle, because you think to self harm, is the only way, and this the only place, you can get affection and understanding. Thats not true, and you need to realize that, like i did.
I say this with the best intentions, I'm not having a go, but its all there for you, and you are the only one who can sort the problem out, an its starts by making a step such as telling someone how your feeling and what it is your going through.
Whats right for you. Only you know if you need to talk to your parents/GP etc.
Can't stay here any longer- sorry. I've been waiting for this shite day to come- I felt so happy early- on top of the world, now as forecasted- I feel worse than I have done in a LONG time.
Take care everyone.
After what happened on Tuesday and what they said to me a few years ago (non-SH related but it was something to diwth OCD) it's really not a good idea.
Anyone know why I'm not allowed to repeatedly use antiseptic cream?
Print out that. I'm serious, I take a little list whenever I go, I get nervous and forget stuff.
Someone did suggest clingfilm, but would it be alright to use surgical tape or would I need something else?
Im just crap at telling someone im not ok.
I can relate to that, its hard to say that you're not ok when you're not quite sure whats wrong. I'd say just try and think positivly when you go in, maybe just blurt it out and don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen this time
You sound like me, in 2005. I went from cutting - eating disorders - drug addiction and thought i was a lost cause, destined to die in my early 20s. It didn't have to be like that and my life is so far away from how it was then that no one who knows me can believe it. I just wanted to let you know that it is possible to come back from all this and lead a good life. I hope all goes well on Tuesday, let us know how you get on.
Have you ever been in therapy Stacey?
:no: No I haven't. I had counselling when I was 17/18 in college but tbh, that didn't really help me at all, although being fair, I was depressed at the time if that makes any difference. I was stuck in a bad place bad then, being young and all.
I think it might have been a little too soon also to be talking about it all. I had just been taken away from the situation I was in so like, I don't know, I didn't want to think about it and just wanted to sort my life out. I had a new boyfriend, I had my A Levels to do, a new home, etc.
My life is sorted now though. I'm really happy with the way my life is going. I don't understand why my past is now bugging me. It just makes no sense. I mean, I try not to think about it and I'm ok most of the time throughout the day but its just been bugging me when I lie down to go to sleep at night, and like when I see similar things (that I've been through) on TV, advice leaflets/posters, etc. I'm having a few flashbacks and nightmares which sucks.
I have thought several times about going to see a counsellor or something but I don't know, to be honest, I found counselling at college really unhelpful. I'm also really not good talking face to face about the subject. I think I spent most of my counselling sessions with my head down and she literally had to force things out of me. I was embarassed you see. I didn't like talking to a stranger.
Also, I don't really know how therapy/counselling is ever going to help me get over it sorta thing. I think its just one of those things that I'm going to have to deal with in time and slowly learn to accept. I just don't know. I just wish I could forget.
I really wanna be able to say all this tomorrow. Ive took a few different benzo's tonight and ill take more in the morning so hopefully ill be too dopey to think about being scared and nervous!
I dont even have any hope of help. Ive been on an AD for 2 1/2 yrs and had 18months of therapy. The worst part is im 23-i live with my mum and she knows nothing of whats going on with me.
anyway thanks for the support, ill let you know
how it goes tomorrow
When things got difficult for me, i always wrote down what i wanted to say and just handed it to the GP. It was so much easier that way. Be careful with the benzos too, they got me into a lot of trouble.
I said pretty much what i needed to. I got upset and she looked it too, and she gave me a hug. She asked if my eating was a problem-i said no coz im still fat. She made me promise not to get anymore drugs, coz she vouched for me to get me the job and if i get caught...there will be hell(i work with drugs!).
She gave me my repeat AD prescription but i dont know why-ive been on the same ones and same stregnth for over 2 years and i dont feel that they are what helps me to have better times.
She says ive still come a long way to when i first went to her 2 1/2 yrs ago, but im not managing to live with it. She asked if i could perhaps go back to seeing the psychotherapist but its not possible with work. Shes made me promise to use the occupational health counselling service at work because its so difficult for me to get an appointment with my her, with being at work 9-5/6.
Shes told me to get things in my life to look forward to, holidays etc coz i need the break.
Ive been too intimidated atwork to make doctors appointments but from now on i will just have to so she can know whats going on with me. Its been about 6 months or more since i last saw her.
As i suspected,theres nothing as such anyone can do, but i feel good to have got it all out and she knows whats happening with me again.
Tonight though i just cant cope. im breaking down. ON me own for the week so i dont have to hide this from my mum. ive been on the kitchen floor barely able to breathe for crying.
Ive never been in such a state that appears to have no reason. !5mg of diazepam(unprescribed) isstarting to calm me down.
thanks again for caring enough to ask.