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The whole "virginity" deal
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
I'd like something to be explained to me, that I think is strange. But perhaps I've just not understood something about it.
I get why "losing" your "virginity" is kind of a big deal, but:
1)Why is it called that? You're not really "losing" anything, are you? It shouldn't be much different to driving a car for the first time, or doing bungee jumping for the first time, etc. I get the difference for girls, but then again ther was (probably) also a time when you pierced your ears.
2)Why is it a bigger deal just because it's the first time (bigger than all the following ones)? Supposing that no one changes their mind (to make things simpler), someone who wants sex with a different person every night shouldn't care enough about the first time to be special, no? Similarly, I don't see the point into picking any random person for the first time, if after it you're not going to do it again until you've found someone you really care for.
I get why "losing" your "virginity" is kind of a big deal, but:
1)Why is it called that? You're not really "losing" anything, are you? It shouldn't be much different to driving a car for the first time, or doing bungee jumping for the first time, etc. I get the difference for girls, but then again ther was (probably) also a time when you pierced your ears.
2)Why is it a bigger deal just because it's the first time (bigger than all the following ones)? Supposing that no one changes their mind (to make things simpler), someone who wants sex with a different person every night shouldn't care enough about the first time to be special, no? Similarly, I don't see the point into picking any random person for the first time, if after it you're not going to do it again until you've found someone you really care for.
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It's the hormones. Nobody gets a boner when a kicking rad car drives by (maybe the few odd exceptions), but you can't deny the boner in P.E. when the class hottie bent over and you had a glance down her top when you were 13.
It's hormones and instinct, therefore we put mainly much importance in there, hardly volunteerily I think.
Well agree with that too.....for me sex is always a big deal (in a positive way)!!!
Oh god....that makes me sound like some hideous spiritual new age type.....that's not to say I don't just enjoy a good hard shag now and again too!!!
whereas when you meet someone new its weeks/months/years of anticipating not an entire life. plus you have some idea of what its going to feel like...
And your first experience of sex has a real influence on how you percieve sex for the rest of your life, like if you crashed a car the first time you drive it, you would always be a bit nervous initially when driving thereafter, but if you were fantastic the first time you drove then you would probably buy a big fast car and drive it with the music up and he windows down...if you get me.
Losing it was only daunting because i wasnt sure what to expect, and everyone makes such a big deal out of it that i began to think there must be a reason for it.
Its only what you make of it.
Losing my virginity to a complete stranger is not for me. It just wouldn't happen, I don't want that.
:yes: :thumb:
2) It's no more or less releveant than your first teacher, your first pet, your first girlfriend. It's the first time you've done it, and without the first time then you've never done it or you've never had one.
You've a very complex mind I think, but sometimes things are just the way they are and theere's no real rhyme or reason to them :yes:
I know I'm not the brightest button in the box, but I'm lost
Are you asking why people want the first time to be special when they're just gonna be sleeping around later on anyway?
If you are then I'd say sometimes it's just a big deal to some people, sort of a coming of age. Most people know sex is a bit of a big deal in life, so there's quite often a nervousness to find out what it's like. It's the first time you're doing it too, bit like driving a car in the sense that you find out where everything is like the gearstick and the clutch and stuff. A lot of people (mainly girls) want to remember it fondly, rather than it being with some random person who meant nothing.
If that's not what you're on about then that had nothing to do with anything. Sorry.
But that sort of person isn't likely to see it as a big deal anyway...other than hoping it'll be physically satisfying.
As to your second scenario, about why some people choose a random, when what they're really after is someone they care for, you've just got to pop over to the relationship forum and read some of the threads made by Jomary and co. - even though I think what they really want is a loving g/f (along with a whole load of other stuff that's absent in their lives), they see the whole virginity thing as such a weight around their neck, they just wanna get shot of it. It's all a bit screwed, but hey ho..
Your guess is as good as mine. Actually no it's probably better. But...people I know at college actually take the piss out of each other for never eating from a certain fast food chain, calling each other virgins for that. I tremble to think how they would react to finding out people's real virginity.
Don't worry about it!! They'll be the same people that call each other 'gay' for not doing something the same...or not liking something...:chin:
They're just being stupid...I doubt they actually put much (if any) thought into who is - and isn't - a virgin.....so if I was you, I wouldn't put too much thought into it- or worry about it - too much either!! :thumb:
Yes its traditional to keep your virginity before you get marriage and a lot of people dont stick to it which is fine.
Personally, sex needs emotional content for it to be good. If you just see it as getting your end away, its kinda sad in my opinion. I think people need to be less complacent with everything around sex. I m not saying be really conservative but it doesnt make you any different than seeing stray dogs bonk each other in an alleyway. People seem to have been emotionally numb down about sex. I d rather get myself off because i probably know my body best and better than most girls!
Anyways enough of the ranting
Fair enough if that's what makes you tick, but I don't agree. Sex with a wife is emotionally fulfilling and certainly pushes boundaries, but having sex with someone new with the sole aim of having sex with them is thrilling too. A one-night stand can be fantastic- sex is more than about emotion.
Virgins see losing it as a big thing because its a rite of passage- its something that makes you adult, like the first time you get lashed, or have a cigarette. Because sex involves another person liking you enough to have sex with you its even more important- it feels like it validates you as a worthy human.
No, its all about emotion, isnt the fact that it is thrilling an emotion in itself???? Therefore, what you were referring to was the thought of the usual emotion of being love with someone to make sex good. What i am saying is, it means more when you emotionally connect with someone. If you both see it as sex, you are just judging each others performance and how well somone can get you off without knowing you too well.
i do agree with sex being like a validation to somone liking you, although being pissed is also a validation of "i dont really care what you look like as long as i get off" lol
However, i am a bit worried you think it validates you as a worthy human!!! does that mean religious people who choose not to have sex feel less worthy as a human being? i dont think so! Its almost a dangerous thought that sex validates you as a human being because you dont feel normal unless you having sex with someone or many people which is really being worthy!!!
That said, you're not loosing much, don't worry
That's not quite what you meant, though
It depends on what you mean by "emotionally connect", though. On a one-night stand if you both really get into it then there is a connection, but the connection doesn't last much beyond sunrise.
It does mean more when you have sex with someone you love, but that doesn't mean that its better sex, if you get what I mean.
It's a reasonably common feeling, tbh. It's not really something I feel now, but when you're 15 and everyone else is doing it all the time then you can end up feeling like a proper failure. Of course they're not doing it all the time (the average age of loss is still 17) but that doesn't really matter. Having sex- or, more importantly, finding someone who will have sex with you- can end up feeling like validation. Especially for people who are unsure of their attractiveness and unsure of their personality, as a lot of teenagers are.
Well, it was what i meant. You just didnt undestand it like that. The connection you get is just lust so technically you could call it an emotion but its all about the long term and not the short term in my opinion.
I agree sex may not be great with someone you love. But if its someone you love, the sex "should" get better. The only way people get good at sex is because they know what they are doing. Obviously, someone who is good knows is well experienced. Someone who may not be great at sex can always get better and be a great shag.
I suppose it is hard for teenagers but i m sure this kind of mentality doesnt stop for quite a few people into their 20s or even 30s. Everyone matures at different rates emotionally. Its when you become secure in yourself that things like getting sexual validation becomes less important and more emphasis is put on finding someone who likes you for who you are.
I'm married, I know what sex with the woman I love is like, and its fantastic; I'm just saying that you don't necessarily have to be having sex with someone you love for it to be fantastic.
And I don't think virginity is anything to be proud of either.