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20 y/old virgin

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your main problem is that you can't see beyond your sexual status
    Neither can other people, that's all they fucking care about. If they didn't, I wouldn't have started worrying about that sort of thing to begin with.
    Fingertips of your right hand underneath the left central part of your collarbone. Rub in circles till it slightly hurts and tell yourself(vocally) "Even though I have not lost my virginity, I DEEPLY and COMPLETELY accept myself" After a few times, try changing to "even though I STILL.....

    Try saying it louder, do it until you believe it. Go into more detail "Even though I have never touched a woman before or kissed, I deep and completely accept myself"
    No one else out there in the big wide W is going to accept me. And incidentially I've never met anyone who I want to accept so far. I'm sick of people, of stupid group dynamics, and their stupid dynamics where a scapegoat is needed to make others feel like less of a target.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Neither can other people, that's all they fucking care about. If they didn't, I wouldn't have started worrying about that sort of thing to begin with.

    No one else out there in the big wide W is going to accept me. And incidentially I've never met anyone who I want to accept so far. I'm sick of people, of stupid group dynamics, and their stupid dynamics where a scapegoat is needed to make others feel like less of a target.

    Ohh dear :no:

    You know, if anything were to deter people from you, maybe it's your attitude and not the fact you're a virgin.

    if you're so negative, then you will push people away, they won't ant to be your friend. If I were considering dating you and read this, it would put me right off and make me think you're a bitter and desperate person.

    I'm sorry, I know you're probably feeling pretty shitty but you need to pull things together. I'm 23, I've never asked anybody if they're a virgin and those who have told me, one who's now 21 incidentily, I've respected. Most people I know respect that too...

    At the end of the day, people here are trying to help you, not judge you and you need to make an effort to listen and try to take some of the advice given... If anything, out of respect for those who have taken the time and who have the compassion to try and help you.

    If you're not going to do that then I don't see why you bother coming to a website like this which is a community of support and making posts of why society is so shit.

    Maybe you should start by learning to accept yourself and accept the fact that there are some people out there who will be childish about the fact that some people are still virgins. That's their problem, not yours. Let them think what they want to because if their life is so unfulfilling and crappy that they want to gossip and spread rumours it is something they lack, not something which you lack.

    I know as good as anybody how hard self-acceptance can be. Like many posters on these boards, I've experienced mental illness and low self-esteem and know it can be hard. That's not to say that you have depression, but that if something as trivial as losing your virginity is going to give you a sense of self-worth and if you think that everybody is talking to you then maybe you do have a few hurdles to jump self-esteem wise. However, that's not a diagnosis and I'm no doc... It's just from what I've read.

    Anyway, hope something which I've written here gets through to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    if you're so negative, then you will push people away, they won't ant to be your friend. If I were considering dating you and read this, it would put me right off and make me think you're a bitter and desperate person.

    Agreed
    Maybe you should start by learning to accept yourself and accept the fact that there are some people out there who will be childish about the fact that some people are still virgins. That's their problem, not yours. Let them think what they want to because if their life is so unfulfilling and crappy that they want to gossip and spread rumours it is something they lack, not something which you lack.

    :yes: Why does what other people think mean that much to you? There's someone I work with a few days a week who will wind me up about being a virgin (and made some rather odd joke about something else a while back) and I've just sat there and laughed about it; not because it's funny but because I don't care and know that she's only doing it to wind me up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know, if anything were to deter people from you, maybe it's your attitude and not the fact you're a virgin.
    Well I think it's chicken and the egg. Why aren't we addressing what deters me from them? What about their attitude? Does that not give you food for thought? Aha. I've suffered from people before, so if I meet a new bunch, I'll just keep away from them because I'm sure they'll be just as bad as all those I have met before, and indeed they do turn out to be nasty. Once I've seen their true colours, I don't forget that. I don't want to be around people who are cowardly and jump on the bandwagon with the rest of the lynch mob because they are sheep. If they were to find out I was a virgin, they would play on it, and be even less likely to take me seriously or respect me.
    if you're so negative, then you will push people away, they won't ant to be your friend. If I were considering dating you and read this, it would put me right off and make me think you're a bitter and desperate person.
    It takes two to tango. Would I be negative if people I see in real life weren't so bigoted, so hypocitical, so afraid of going against what other people say? Well, perhaps I am a bitter, desparate person. What frustrates me is the people at college are all afraid of one or two ringleader type people who do all the talking and control the whole group. So I say yes, I have a bad attitude, yes I am desparate and bitter and angry! Don't sound too surpised guy and gals.
    At the end of the day, people here are trying to help you, not judge you and you need to make an effort to listen and try to take some of the advice given... If anything, out of respect for those who have taken the time and who have the compassion to try and help you.
    As I said before, I am taking on board every shred of advice that's been given. I'm sorry if it sounds like I am not. It's just that I am mad, angry and desperate as you said, and I need to talk about this shit to someone. Because there are some people I see every day who are so outspoken and get to express everything that comes into their head because they're in a group of friends who will not laugh at them or take the piss.

    To be honest not 100% of what's been said has been helpful. "You're not Richard Branson, are you?" "Im sorry but I don't believe that's true and it's all your fault" etc etc.
    That's not to say that you have depression, but that if something as trivial as losing your virginity is going to give you a sense of self-worth and if you think that everybody is talking to you then maybe you do have a few hurdles to jump self-esteem wise.
    What the hell man. More than once now I outlined a load of things which I I feel are holding me back from people, it's somewhere else in this thread, and I even posted it again in Jomery's thread. It's not just the virgin thing ffs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Well I think it's chicken and the egg. Why aren't we addressing what deters me from them? What about their attitude? Does that not give you food for thought? Aha. I've suffered from people before, so if I meet a new bunch, I'll just keep away from them because I'm sure they'll be just as bad as all those I have met before, and indeed they do turn out to be nasty. Once I've seen their true colours, I don't forget that. I don't want to be around people who are cowardly and jump on the bandwagon with the rest of the lynch mob because they are sheep. If they were to find out I was a virgin, they would play on it, and be even less likely to take me seriously or respect me.
    Of course, everybody else is shit and you're faultless, right? I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in the past, but you shouldn't be bitter and let these experiences hurt you in the present... Then the bastards have won eh?

    It takes two to tango. Would I be negative if people I see in real life weren't so bigoted, so hypocitical, so afraid of going against what other people say? Well, perhaps I am a bitter, desparate person. What frustrates me is the people at college are all afraid of one or two ringleader type people who do all the talking and control the whole group. So I say yes, I have a bad attitude, yes I am desparate and bitter and angry! Don't sound too surpised guy and gals.
    Hate to break it to ya, but that's life. Maybe you should stop being so judgemental and get to know people and at least attempt to see their good side.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hornet it's up to you whether you let what other people think affect you their attitude might not change but yours can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    Hornet it's up to you whether you let what other people think affect you their attitude might not change but yours can.

    :yes:

    Personally, I don't care about what other people think about me and whether I'm a virgin or not.

    Hornet - you do need to stop being so bitter about this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course, the non-PC answer which people have avoided here is that you are possibly butt-ugly and are 'punching' way above your weight ... ? It's might seem harsh but is worthy of consideration ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    punching above my weight? could you elaborate on that, I'm not sure what you mean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woo there is a lot of posting going on here. :)

    Hornet - let me bring in one observation from my point of view.

    When replying to other people's comments you've broken down every little thing they've said and quoted them on like loads of little points.

    And then posted a reply under each paragraph or section.

    Now I'm thinking if that's how you communicate with people in real life, i.e. they talk to you and you break down every little thing they say or reply back that way then you're probably leaving a lot of people dazed and confused.

    I'm guessing a lot of people may be afraid to talk to you cos they'll think you're over analysing everything they say too much. Try and study someone you know who is popular and see what it is they do differently.

    Quite often people are attracted to other people that make them feel good about themselves .. I get the feeling you may spent a lot of conversations picking at everything someone says to you.

    I'd also recommend this book

    http://www.amazon.com/Making-Friends-Andrew-Matthews/dp/0843129697
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    punching above my weight? could you elaborate on that, I'm not sure what you mean.

    Well, you seem to have negated all reasonable suggestions put to you (usually by indicating that the fault lies squarely with others) that one is only left to assume that perhaps the type of girl you are going after is the problem. Are you setting your sights too high (e.g. vivacious, popular, pretty girls ... who often look for the same sort of attributes in their men)?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds almost like you're mistaking me for Jomery there, Teag. This isn't a problem with just girls and pulling, it's all people in general. I mean for instance I was on a course where there was only blokes in the group and I didn't get along with them.
    Are you setting your sights too high (e.g. vivacious, popular, pretty girls ... who often look for the same sort of attributes in their men)?
    There have been instances where I could have gotten to know some seriously fine girls had I had more confidence in myself, (the whole looking at each other thing) so I really doubt that. It's more often them who set the sights on me.
    Well, you seem to have negated all reasonable suggestions put to you (usually by indicating that the fault lies squarely with others)
    No, no, no. You could not have read this topic properly or are confusing me with Jomery. I've already said more than once that I have not ignored any of the good advice given to me here, even though it looks that way because I have more to say.
    Now I'm thinking if that's how you communicate with people in real life, i.e. they talk to you and you break down every little thing they say or reply back that way then you're probably leaving a lot of people dazed and confused.
    Don't get it. How can I be like that in real life? I'd have to remember every little thing they said to break it down if it was a verbal conversation where stuff said isn't permantly fixed on a screen for perusal. Anyway we're sort of going off the track of the topic here...

    Actually DiamondGeezer, I'm starting to feel as though you're only putting your two pennies in this topic for the shits and giggles.
    Of course, the non-PC answer which people have avoided here is that you are possibly butt-ugly and are 'punching' way above your weight ... ? It's might seem harsh but is worthy of consideration ...

    To be honest I don't think there is a problem with the way I look, I say it's a sort of chicken and the egg thing where my attitude discourages them, but I'm like that because I know the only way I could ever have anything to do with them is not as a respected equal, only a fool to be used treated mean and kept clean and ignored when not needed. I'm referring to the people at college here. But then: why SHOULD I change my attitude? If I do, they will just take advantage of that. Because of the various shortcomings (go look them up) I listed more than once, they too are the reasons for people to have no respect toward me (if they found out) This is a problem because they are horrible and will never be able to get my respect.

    I partly feel as though I am not missing out on anything at all, by not having friends or relationships. I don't see what I'm missing out on.
    I'm guessing a lot of people may be afraid to talk to you cos they'll think you're over analysing everything they say too much. Try and study someone you know who is popular and see what it is they do differently.
    Popularity should NEVER be used as a measuring gauge of how right and wrong someone is! I do not over analyse stuff like that, in real life or on the web, anyway who cares about the layout of some of my posts, as long as people can read it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you seem to have a problem of some sort with communicating with people or just starting the conversation?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want to get to know people because that means they will find out all those things I listed and thus, how useless I am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    I don't want to get to know people because that means they will find out all those things I listed and thus, how useless I am.

    You think people will turn on you or hurt you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fool still won't accept he is the problem.

    There are nicer ways of putting that you know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fool still won't accept he is the problem.

    Is that because there is more of the antagonists than there is of me thus making the majority right?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whatever you want mate, you're living in your own little dream world.

    Try facing the real world for a change, or can't you handle it?

    o rly?
    You think people will turn on you or hurt you?

    Maybe replace "think" with "know".

    No one's gonna take to me if they find out all that crap about me. Can't say I blame them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's what you think. You really do need to stop being negative about life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Matt - that was really harsh, but yeah, you are right.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, Matt does come across as harsh sometimes. I dont think he is deliberately trying to be harsh though.

    I have always found Matt's advice to be spot on, even if a little hard to take sometime. Then again the truth hurts :yes:

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate, no one takes you seriously even on here, no one WANTS to know you, now who's fault is that?
    Interesting how you speak on everyone else's behalf there. If others find me negative, repellent, repulsive, etc, I want to hear it from them, not one pompous prick who appointed themself to speak for everyone else. I've had PM's from people with a bit more manners than you, and I can say that judging by their messages, they don't find me repulsive, etc etc or they wouldn't have PM'd me with messages offering help and not insults.

    I came to lay all my cards on the table, tell people what is wrong with myself and the interpersonal problems I am having, but if it's going to make you like this, then maybe it isn't such a good idea. It seems whatever I do say is just going to wind you up even more.
    But you, it's so easy to see what a negative person you are, I wouldn't want to know you, and that's just from a forum, so maybe you should try to understand why so many people dislike you, especially in real life
    I'm actually trying to be honest about the state of the situation I'm in, and realistic, not negative.
    you're currently the runt of the litter, the weakling, but who's fault is that? is it their fault for being a stronger more positive person? or yours for being the latter?
    Which are we talking about here, the site or people in real life?

    If you mean the people in real life, then "positive" is not a word I would use to describe them, dude listen to me, if you could see what they are like when they are in their little herd instinct mode, no one can oppose them, if you fight back they'll make it look like you're the big bad guy and they're the victim, many many times now they have tried to take advantage of me, to take advantage of the fact that there is a group of them and only one of me, all I can do is ignore them and ignore them and so on, and I'm sure it does indeed make me, to some observer, look very unpleasant and ill-disposed, who is that nasty guy ignoring certain people all the time, etc. Some could argue that the strong, positive thing to do is to do what I am doing with them, to defy them, to stand up to them and not let them dominate everything. They have their flaws too, you know. You ain't putting all the blame in the world on me. Haven't you asked yourself how can I be made so repellent and negative to begin with?
    You have to accept yourself before you can progress and become something better, the REAL you, because this is not the real you.
    I already outlined this "real me" thing before:
    I am 20 and do not drive, still live with my mum, have never smoked cannabis, have technically only been drunk once, (!) don't drink alcohol often, don't have even a single friend or a social life, don't smoke, don't go out anywhere, have not kissed a girl since I was about 8 years old, have never travelled abroad on my own, have not been on a holiday since 2001, etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out?
    There you go. That is the real me.
    so you blame everyone else, you don't have to face the truth then.
    I am facing the truth, by posting and telling people everything on here. :confused:
    You can't blame me for not liking you, or anyone else,
    Yep. No arguments from me on that one.
    I bet you're feeling very defensive offended and "oh he just doesn't know what it's like" by my post.
    No actually, not really. I saw a lot of truth that I recognised in your post, believe it or not. My only nitpick with it is that you haven't seen what the other people in my life are like, and their track record, before you sat in judgement of me. matt, the supreme arbiter of right and wrong in the universe.
    But I suppose you're right, because we all know what you're really saying, you don't want to take responsibility for the fact that you are a blatant loser, so you blame everyone else, you don't have to face the truth then.
    Okay, put all the blame on me instead if you want, since you can't hunt down and lynch the people I have a problem with, there is only me for you to get. I may be a lot of things like you described above, but then I guess it's the price I pay for not being a sheep.
    I agree, Matt does come across as harsh sometimes. I dont think he is deliberately trying to be harsh though.

    I have always found Matt's advice to be spot on, even if a little hard to take sometime. Then again the truth hurts
    oh, for heaven's sake. :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Totally right with bells on.
    No, the important question is what is this REALLY about, is it about the people in your life who are bullying you? or is it about the direction in which your life is going?
    Well I guess the second question there is more a lot more important than the first one, though they are kind of related to one another.
    Who are these people? is it that group of kids in college? I don't think this is the root of the problem at all, this is just another part of your life you can become depressed about and have a sulk. I do understand your situation is very frustrating, but it is not the cause, far from it.
    You're right there, there's worries and woes other than them at college. Such as, is the rest of my life going to be spent being on such poor terms with people and what can I do, if anything, to prevent it?
    Are you prepared to take control of your life? Once you feel ready, the reasons for xyz will not matter, or who is to blame.
    That is totally the thing I would want the most. The thing is though, how to attain that? What is the first step? I'm trying to ignore that voice that says stuff like "I just don't see any frigging way to turn this shit around"
    For a start, why is your life determined by such things?
    Well, I dunno, what should it be defined by? Looking at them all, they all seem to be adult things, and I worry that I'll be seen by people in real life that I'm totally not adult enough for 20. If I want to be truthful with people and get to know them it will inevitably mean them finding out some, if not most of, that stuff I listed. (oh dear.)
    Ask yourself why this matters to you, i'm sure you will very soon come to the conclusion that you think it matters to others.
    Yep.
    what's your point? why are you telling me this? I wouldn't careless how you spend your time. I'm not saying you should be like me and not care
    My point isn't that I'm trying to get you to care, my point is that that is pretty much why I keep all people at bay.
    important thing is to find your comfort zone, as long as it is not a negative one. You have to learn to accept yourself.
    What's a comfort zone?
    This is _NOT_ the real you either, people are not described by the amount of alcohol they drink and if they are that's a fucking horrible way to be remembered don't you think? Why not be remembered as the person who was generally a good natured lad who liked to have a laugh? I'm telling you, you won't even know yourself if you gained the confidence and positivity needed to break out of your rut and mental prison. Is that not one of the most achievable and satisfying goals you could make in life? To be free to socialize and have unconditional fun around other people, actual social skills! it's very liberating and it's so close to your grasp if you just make the right moves.
    yes, but how am I supposed to break out of that prison? what moves am I supposed to make?
    Would your problems end if these people were removed off the face of the planet?
    No, I never thought that, I know that more people will come along to replace them.
    Would your problems end if you had the confidence and bravery to FACE your problems in life and create your own happiness?

    yes, couldn't agree more, but have no idea how. most of the time, I am truly SHITE with people. there are some good interactions here and there but... If I don't do something about the "crap with people" thing then the future looks bleak.
    I agree, sheep are boring, let's stay away from the sheep and become something very very positive, happy, unafraid, in control, what an existence that could be, if only you could turn your self pity into a thirst for a happy life.
    Yes absolutley. The thing is, this sort of thing isn't likely to happen at college but somewhere else...(this course ends in July). The people in my group at college are mainly those sheep, and one or two are very outspoken and have a lot of dominance over the group, I resent them for this, because I believe the only way to have anything to do with them is not as an equal, or someone respected at all by them. Nirvana will have to found somewhere else, I but have no idea where.
    The hardest step is breaking your ego, self pity, depressing attitude, except you are looser and realise there is a lot you can do about it and release the real you who will have a fucking good time with his life.
    loose? eh?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Matt.

    You know, we've all been dicked around and hurt on here (I've been screwed out of over a grand by a 'friend' who embezzled money I gave him to give to a charity... That's my savings down the pan. Also had 'friends' leave me when they find out they can't get in to my pants or ditch me for a girl), but shit happens... It's just part of life.

    As for social skills, they take time.

    I came to sixth form college so timid my friend used to speak for me, I went to university as the type of person who could not make eye contact and who went red when talking to people... Now I help to organise events in my university, I'm outspoken, I write, I have been known to perform and I talk to any poor bastard when I'm out on the lash.

    Like everybody, I have a long way to go before I become the person I aspire to be, but going from a waster and a cutter to who I am now I did because I got fed up of having no social skills and I took the plunge. I think that if you do something that scares you a little once a month then you're living life to the full.

    You either want to do it, or you don't. But there is no point in discussing issues if you don't plan on making changes.

    So what changes do you wanna make?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    Actually DiamondGeezer, I'm starting to feel as though you're only putting your two pennies in this topic for the shits and giggles.


    That's a shame you feel that way, cos I was very genuine in my reply and suggestion .. I've actually read the book I suggested you take a look at. It's got some handy tips.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hornet893 wrote: »
    I am 20 and do not drive,

    So start learning.
    still live with my mum

    Plan on moving out if that bothers you.
    have never smoked cannabis

    ??
    have technically only been drunk once, (!) don't drink alcohol often

    Nor do I. Does that make me a bad person? Oh noes. :no:
    don't have even a single friend or a social life

    This might develop once you stop putting up your walls that prevent it.
    don't smoke

    Lots of people don't smoke. I don't smoke. Public places in the UK will be a smoke-free environment soon.
    don't go out anywhere

    Go out then.
    have not kissed a girl since I was about 8 years old

    Once you stop putting up defences, and get to know some people, you might find one who you can kiss.
    have never travelled abroad on my own

    Why would you want to travel abroad on your own? Well, I guess you could for some reason. So do it then.
    have not been on a holiday since 2001

    Plan a holiday.
    , etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out?

    Well that depends, do you see telling people all that as the first words that come out of your mouth? If so, they'd probably react by considering you to be a little odd and socially backwards. But if you had done that, that would be a fair assessment. What you need to do is actually maybe, not tell everyone all of that stuff at all, or at least, not in one go. It's not really a big deal. It's not the sum total of "you". Talk about trivia and stuff instead.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am 20 and do not drive, still live with my mum, have never smoked cannabis, have technically only been drunk once, (!) don't drink alcohol often, don't have even a single friend or a social life, don't smoke, don't go out anywhere, have not kissed a girl since I was about 8 years old, have never travelled abroad on my own, have not been on a holiday since 2001, etc etc. Now how do you think people will react to finding all of this out?

    I don't do most of these things (drive, smoke, drink alcohol that often, never been drunk and never kissed anyone) but no-one seems bothered It's only a big deal if you make it out to be one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I don't do most of these things (drive, smoke, drink alcohol that often, never been drunk and never kissed anyone) but no-one seems bothered It's only a big deal if you make it out to be one.

    I can't drive, but have used drugs, have been drunk, have been with guys and girls but I agree with you Sofie, it really doesn't matter.

    What matters is that you're happy and if you aren't, you should be working on making yourself happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to sort your life out.

    Stop moaning and drowning yourself in self pity on here and get out there, take the advice given and do something about this big hole you've dug for yourself.

    People have offered great advice and you've just found a reason for why you can't do this why you can't do that.

    Give it another go, what have you honestly got to lose?

    When you meet people don't give them your sob story, there are 1001 things to talk about. Find out about the people you meet, always a good conversation starter. Just don't give up, there is nothing worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think people have all given good advice here, ... people want to be surrounded by others that make them feel good about life, not someone that makes them feel depressed or on the edge.
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