Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Clingyness and me being a paranoid cow! (sorry for the rant)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, basically, I know this is an issue I need to work on, so don't tell me that, I just want advice on how to get over this

But whenever I'm interested in someone, and they seem interested in me, which may I add is not very often, I always find myself getting really clingy and kinda obsessive. Not like obsessive in a strange stalker way don't get me wrong! But I know I am a clingy person in the way that I like to text a guy a lot and talk to them a lot

Thing is, I drive myself crazy sometimes cos I think that if they don't text beck like instantly they're not interested :nervous: Don't ask why I am like this, I'm just paranoid. I know this is something I need to work on, but I'm 19 n I've never had a bf, only dated 3 guys, each only lasted a week. Thing is, I never pester the guy, or call them all the time, cos I'm not that silly... where am I going with this again?...

...Ah yes, anyway, a guy I met online I met in person on Wednesday, things went well, said he wanted to see me again blah blah blah, not gonna explain the whole situation, but hes seems so perfect for me. Anyway, he seemed pretty crazy about me before I even met him and I guess I felt the same, both been messed around before n all that. But I just feel so miserable about it all, cos I'm so scared of getting hurt, and so scared its over or will be over soon. Just have that bad sinking feeling. I haven't herd from him yet today, sent him a text yesterday, but he didn't reply cos I think he was out, but spoke to him on the phone a bit.

But I'm so paranoid hes already got bored and I keep asking him for reassurance. I know thats not good, but its something I can't help. I'm just very insecure and sometimes I feel like theres no solution to my problem, cos I only feel more insecure when I am seeing someone, but I can't live any longer without having a relationship.

So am I just being silly and paranoid? Do I need to lighten up and stop thinking the worst in every situation? I'm just so confused and felt so down this morning because of all this :crying: Sorry for the rant people, just feel so down and like I have no one else to talk to

xxxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I get almost exactly the same (as you saw from my other post)!!!!

    It feels really horrible and I don't know why I'm like that either....kind of wanting something to happen with a new bloke, but pretty much writing it off before it's begun too.....

    ....don't have much advice, because I do the same, but the one thing I would say is that it's a reaaallly bad idea to ask for reassurance from him....harsh as it sounds, it's not his problem.......he's a new bloke, and if he's just trying to work out whether he likes you, you're not doing yourself any favours by showing him your worst side.

    Having said that, a little bit further down the line, don't think it would do any harm to let him know that you know you have a tendency to be a bit paranoid (probably best not to use the word clingy....again....might make him want to run a mile!!), but let him know that you don't want to be like that, you're worried it would affect him too, and ask him to let you know if he catches you getting like that......that way, you can share your worries with him without making it out to be a huge problem....and if you trust him enough to tell you when you're seeming a bit paranoid, then you can just get on with enjoying being with him & assume everything is fine unless he tells you otherwise.

    This is getting a bit long, but what I'm trying to say is, the only way to try and combat all the worries and stresses you're keeping inside is to get it all out in the open..the more you bottle up any paranoia, the worse it'll seem.....and if you share it with him, he can maybe help you laugh it off and stop worrying. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i m a bit shocked to hear that you cant LIVE any longer without a relationship. i ve managed to get to 23 without having a serious relationship, although i truely dont know the real reasons behind that! lol.

    At the end of the day, you are still young and this is a fragile situation for you. Try to occupy yourself without having to always think about him as i know how annoying it is to get someone in your head and be constantly thinking about them.

    I know its easier said than done but you need to learn to be more secure with yourself. A relationship wont always make you happy, (see other posts). Dont beat yourself up about it, its early days and dont pin your hopes on this guy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for that, everything you say is true, but its so hard though! I've been talking to this guy for bout three weeks online and be phone, only just met him in person. He knows about how I'm kinda paranoid, hes kinda helped me to laugh it off a few times, he told me I can cling on to him as much as I want and that he wanted us to be obsessed with each other. And that is something I've not been able to do with a guy before, and not something a man has said to me before.

    But now I'm just worried its all over, I was worried it was over before I'd even met him, and I dunno, thats just how I am. I think I don't deserve any happiness, cos normally when I try for it in the form of a relationship, it goes pearshaped and I get hurt :crying: And no one like getting hurt do they. I think I just need to chill out a little, but this guy was amazing, I've not got on with a man so well for, well, I never have! Think thats also why I'm terrified of it going worng so soon
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he told me I can cling on to him as much as I want and that he wanted us to be obsessed with each other. And that is something I've not been able to do with a guy before, and not something a man has said to me before.

    Sorry to be negative....that might seem great that he's the first bloke who's said that to you....but actually WANTING you to be obsessed with each other sounds a little odd to me tbh....you can be really into each other without being obsessed....
    I think I just need to chill out a little, but this guy was amazing, I've not got on with a man so well for, well, I never have! Think thats also why I'm terrified of it going worng so soon

    So funny....this bit DOES sound like I could have written it!!! (Re: my thread about him having not been in touch).....guess if nothing else, it's nice to know you're not the only one feeling this stuff!! :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in a similar situation - about 3 years ago, I told a friend of mine that I fancied him and would spend alot of time talking to him.

    He found out someting aout me last year and basically said that if I was having problems, he'd try his best to talk to me. (distract me, asically)

    Anyway, I wasn't too happy with him deciding that he basically can't talk to me or deal with my current mental status. I asked him why and he said that I moan when he ignores me and to him, I come across as clingy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wish i had that affect on girls i liked.:( to be honest, being a bit obsessive is not too bad as long as it doesnt go over board! plus, he said that to you so i guess he wants it too.

    You should take it as it comes and not read into things too much. As i said, dont pin your hopes on this one guy or else it will hurt majorly if things dont work out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    As i said, dont pin your hopes on this one guy

    I try not to, but its so hard... Like some of the things hes said to me, its just too hard not to get excited about, and I'm just a really loving affectionate person anyway, so as soon as someone says something nice to me thats it, I'm all mushy.

    I just worry too much I know, but it doesn't help, cos I don't go out much, I just go to work and college, but hes on my mind constantly, I'm the same with any man I'm seeing... Guess you could just call me a hopeless romantic :confused:

    But it just feels good to talk to people about this, and it helps a lot to know some of you are the same, I just get so annoyed with myself sometimes, kinda makes me think theres something wrong with me :nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I try not to, but its so hard... Like some of the things hes said to me, its just too hard not to get excited about, and I'm just a really loving affectionate person anyway, so as soon as someone says something nice to me thats it, I'm all mushy.

    I just worry too much I know, but it doesn't help, cos I don't go out much, I just go to work and college, but hes on my mind constantly, I'm the same with any man I'm seeing... Guess you could just call me a hopeless romantic :confused:

    But it just feels good to talk to people about this, and it helps a lot to know some of you are the same, I just get so annoyed with myself sometimes, kinda makes me think theres something wrong with me :nervous:


    Nope, i m in a similar situation. Girls go through my head when i really like them and i m always worried about messing it up or making myself look bad. Everyone becomes paranoid when they are really into someone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    Nope, i m in a similar situation. Girls go through my head when i really like them and i m always worried about messing it up or making myself look bad. Everyone becomes paranoid when they are really into someone

    DO they?? Didn't realise that...everyone else always seems so laid back when they're seeing someone new!! Well that's good to know too...:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    DO they?? Didn't realise that...everyone else always seems so laid back when they're seeing someone new!! Well that's good to know too...:)


    Its call frontin' lol

    I m sure most guys wont admit but hey, i do. they act like they are laid back and not bothered when in fact, you are running through their head! haha
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do men always hide thier feelings :mad: So annoying, life would be easier all round if they just said what they mean, these things stress me out!

    Anyway it turns out the guy mentioned was waiting all day for me to text him, not capable of texting me first apparantly :rolleyes: Men!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think its just men, women can do it too. I could say that women arent direct enough for my liking! haha Although, i read someones little motto on one of these threads which made me laugh:

    If a girl says no, it means maybe
    If a girl says maybe, it means yes
    If a girl says yes, she is a dirty slut! (or something along those lines!)

    I suppose its a balance between being interested in someone and being annoying when it comes to talking/txting someone.

    I see getting txts as getting some love from someone so the more txts you get, the more they love you lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, basically, I know this is an issue I need to work on, so don't tell me that, I just want advice on how to get over this

    But whenever I'm interested in someone, and they seem interested in me, which may I add is not very often, I always find myself getting really clingy and kinda obsessive. Not like obsessive in a strange stalker way don't get me wrong! But I know I am a clingy person in the way that I like to text a guy a lot and talk to them a lot

    Thing is, I drive myself crazy sometimes cos I think that if they don't text beck like instantly they're not interested :nervous: Don't ask why I am like this, I'm just paranoid. I know this is something I need to work on, but I'm 19 n I've never had a bf, only dated 3 guys, each only lasted a week. Thing is, I never pester the guy, or call them all the time, cos I'm not that silly... where am I going with this again?...

    ...Ah yes, anyway, a guy I met online I met in person on Wednesday, things went well, said he wanted to see me again blah blah blah, not gonna explain the whole situation, but hes seems so perfect for me. Anyway, he seemed pretty crazy about me before I even met him and I guess I felt the same, both been messed around before n all that. But I just feel so miserable about it all, cos I'm so scared of getting hurt, and so scared its over or will be over soon. Just have that bad sinking feeling. I haven't herd from him yet today, sent him a text yesterday, but he didn't reply cos I think he was out, but spoke to him on the phone a bit.

    But I'm so paranoid hes already got bored and I keep asking him for reassurance. I know thats not good, but its something I can't help. I'm just very insecure and sometimes I feel like theres no solution to my problem, cos I only feel more insecure when I am seeing someone, but I can't live any longer without having a relationship.

    So am I just being silly and paranoid? Do I need to lighten up and stop thinking the worst in every situation? I'm just so confused and felt so down this morning because of all this :crying: Sorry for the rant people, just feel so down and like I have no one else to talk to

    xxxx



    Don't beat yourself up. It's pretty natural. You just need to talk yourself down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ahhh clingy girls! Stay away !! Ahhhhh!
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    deceelpool wrote: »
    Ahhh clingy girls! Stay away !! Ahhhhh!

    How does that help the OP in any way shape or form? Please don't post just for the sake of it. Oh and if you were trying to bring some humour to the thread, it didn't work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    Oh and if you were trying to bring some humour to the thread, it didn't work.

    In your opinion.
Sign In or Register to comment.