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Sexual Partners

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How many is a lot?

My housem8 in his single days said he slept with 25 girls. Is that bad for a guy?

And this girl i like said she slept with about 32 guys? Is that bad?

Thing is, i think it is more intimidating than disgusting.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is it intimidating?

    Let them do what they wanna do, their private life should be no concern of yours.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Guess it is intimidating because i have not had as many partners as that. Maybe i m being a prude but i dont believe in one night stands.

    I suppose someones sexual past is no business of mine but does it not give you some insight to what they are like? I know people's past make people who they are but if they continue to sleep with people, what does it say about them and would you get involved with someone like that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    I suppose someones sexual past is no business of mine but does it not give you some insight to what they are like? I know people's past make people who they are but if they continue to sleep with people, what does it say about them and would you get involved with someone like that?

    Someone like what? The only thing you can tell by the fact that someone has slept with x number of people, is that they have slept with x number of people. Any other judgement you make based on that fact is just your own opinion and prejudices.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    True, its just a number at the end of the day, i realise that.

    If you can get many sexual partners then all the power to you.

    I just like to know what makes them tick to do things like that.

    I mean, being able to pull many people does not mean you have to, does it?

    Plus, everyone makes judgements and have opinions either conciously or sub-conciously (sorry if it is spelt incorrectly).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think it necessarily gives you any insight at all to know that someones had a lot of sexual partners.
    Its just their past, and theres sooo many different reasons why someone may have.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who cares? It's only a number. Judge people on their personailty, not how many people they sleep with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I suppose if you really believe that sex is something that is special and supposed to be done as part of a loving relationship, then you might have an issue with it. But I do think you'd potentially be missing out on being with a great person because of this one issue.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont get me wrong, i dont see this girl i like with any negative thoughts and i dont judge her on the number of people she slept with. i ve only known her for like 3 months and i get on with her really well. i think she is a top girl.

    I suppose i m old fashioned in my ways. the thing is this girl has said she liked me but at the same time has slept with another guy and is a horny so and so. I m a bit confused as to her feelings towards me and dont know what to make of the situation if any.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I could be in a relationship with someone who was into 1-night stands, as long as that didn't get in the way of them being faithful to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you have to be really careful about judging people by their sexual history- not that I'm saying that you have at all. My friends did this to me. I have not slept with a big number of guys but about four or five times the amount they have, so I suppose it makes sense that we woud consider sex differently. But my sexual history became a problem for them, just when I needed them most, having got myself in a dangerous situation and they called me a whore and turned their backs on me. This had a massive impact obviously on how I thought about myself. But now I know that I am not defined by the number of people I have slept with, or how many people I have slept with in a day or a week or a month or whatever. I am me. That is all, and my friends were the ones who were behaving immaturely about the situation. Friends like that are not friends. I don't know how this girl that you like feels about her sexual history, but I'm sure you don't want to have an adverse effect on that. So try not to judge who she is by things she has done. She is who she is, and if you are friends, what (or who) she has done or not done shouldn't really be important to you.

    My two! Not trying to say that you have judged her at all, just that I think it's important not to do so.

    Mila
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear about your past experiences mila.

    I know what you are saying, i mean it was only a few months ago she bumped into me. She is currently on holiday and enjoying herself as a single girl. As a single girl, i suppose she can do whatever she likes without feeling bad.

    i guess its probably how i ve been brought up but i am not judging her at all about her sexual past. At the end of the day, it is just a number and she is who she is. Just getting jealous that she is sleeping with guys on holiday, thats all. But then again, i like her and probably not thinking realistically!:banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    But then again, i like her and probably not thinking realistically!:banghead:
    Haha, yeah I've had that before. I've gotta say, I find it harder to deal with someone you like (who doesn't like you back) shagging or pulling a lot of other people, than someone you like having a boyfriend. I'm not sure why though. Probably because you know that at least when they have a boyfriend, they're rejecting you for something worthwhile (as you see it), whereas with the alternative, it's almost as if they're single, and willing to pull anyone but you. It's not particularly logical way of thinking though, I guess.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Finally, someone who knows where i am coming from! lol

    Its a complete arse! i dont like the feeling yet i have to put up with it. I suppose if they had a bf, you know they are happy and so you can be happy for them!

    But cos she is sleeping with other guys and she is single, feels like she doesnt really care about me and sees me as a notch on the bedpost! Then again, its a girl and i dont understand them! :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some might say that its judgemental, and im not making any steriotypes, but if i found out that my boyfriend had slept with alot of people before me, it would put me off. Alot.


    I understand that an eventful sexual history doesnt make someone a bad person, doesnt make them more likely to cheat or anything like that, but i guess its a matter of my personal taste or something? I just cant get attracted to a man that has been around alot.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cool, Delahoya, I'm glad you don't want to judge! I do understand how upbringing can affect how you view things. My parents and other influences always taught me the important of safe sex and sex as an expression of love or some sort of deep feeling for someone, but I didn't listen. I suppose for me that was something to rebel against, not hold up as truth. But I have now discovered what makes me happy- and guess what? Surprise, surprise, it is sex as an expression of love. So it turns out that in my case my parents were right all along! I wasn't comfortable with the sex I was having and who I was having it with.
    Some people are able to have sex/one night stands/fuck buddies etc and deal with it very well. I wasn't one of those people and it took me a while to understand that.
    Your friend might feel like I do, or she might be someone who knows herself very well and knows where her limits and what she is comfortable doing and what she is not comfortable doing.
    My opinion is that it doesn't matter what she is doing or why (unless it becomes a risk to her health in some way as it did for me). I'm not really being objective here as I have a lot of personal stuff tied up in this issue. But I think it's important for any person to know that their friends are there for them and would never place judgements on their behaviour. So, I think it's great you're doing that for your friend, even though you would perhaps act differently around the issue of sex from the way she does.
    And try not to think too much about the people she may or may not be having sex with on holiday. They are just that- people she may or may not have had sex with. Try not to be jealous!

    This has turned into a total ramble, so I'll stop now! I don't think I really had a point to make anyway... lol.

    Mila
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    Guess it is intimidating because i have not had as many partners as that. Maybe i m being a prude but i dont believe in one night stands.

    I suppose someones sexual past is no business of mine but does it not give you some insight to what they are like? I know people's past make people who they are but if they continue to sleep with people, what does it say about them and would you get involved with someone like that?

    You don't believe in one night stands, fair enough. You don't have tio be a prude not to be in to one night stands. :yeees:

    Live and let live. Just because it doesn't suit you does not mean that you can judge them on it.

    Sexual history doesn't really matter hugely to me, whether they're a virgin or they've slept around it's the person inside who counts. Plus there's a difference between one night stands and cheating.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    I suppose someones sexual past is no business of mine but does it not give you some insight to what they are like?

    That's why you don't stick your nose in other people's habits and 'magical numbers' or whatever the trendy euphemism is. You might not like what you see. Let the number of their fucks not be your concern.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mila wrote: »
    Cool, Delahoya, I'm glad you don't want to judge! I do understand how upbringing can affect how you view things. My parents and other influences always taught me the important of safe sex and sex as an expression of love or some sort of deep feeling for someone, but I didn't listen. I suppose for me that was something to rebel against, not hold up as truth. But I have now discovered what makes me happy- and guess what? Surprise, surprise, it is sex as an expression of love. So it turns out that in my case my parents were right all along! I wasn't comfortable with the sex I was having and who I was having it with.
    Some people are able to have sex/one night stands/fuck buddies etc and deal with it very well. I wasn't one of those people and it took me a while to understand that.
    Your friend might feel like I do, or she might be someone who knows herself very well and knows where her limits and what she is comfortable doing and what she is not comfortable doing.
    My opinion is that it doesn't matter what she is doing or why (unless it becomes a risk to her health in some way as it did for me). I'm not really being objective here as I have a lot of personal stuff tied up in this issue. But I think it's important for any person to know that their friends are there for them and would never place judgements on their behaviour. So, I think it's great you're doing that for your friend, even though you would perhaps act differently around the issue of sex from the way she does.
    And try not to think too much about the people she may or may not be having sex with on holiday. They are just that- people she may or may not have had sex with. Try not to be jealous!

    This has turned into a total ramble, so I'll stop now! I don't think I really had a point to make anyway... lol.

    Mila


    Cheers mila, i think this girl is pretty comfortable with it plus she says she always does safe sex. So her views on sex are different to mine.

    i suppose the underlying thing with it is not the number of sexual partners she has had but that i m not sure how it will turn out between us as she is in love with the country she is in at the moment and has a wish to live out there. I guess i like her a lot and hearing she sleeps with people out there who are local scares me. it wouldnt surprise me if she decided one day that she fell in love with one of them as she could live out there and be where she dreams of being!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The number of sexual partners doesn't bother me. Many other things to be worrying about tbh. Life's too short.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does it really matter?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delahoya wrote: »
    My housem8 in his single days said he slept with 25 girls.
    I wish I could do that. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont know how good the standard of the 25 were! lol :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    I wish I could do that. :(

    Have a cookie.
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