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I Need Some Relationship Advice Please!!!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
When i got with My b/f 2 years ago we wer just fuck buddies, but after a few months of just sex we started doing everything together like a proper couple and we got together properly.
we moved in with each other after a year and everything was fine for about 9 months, then all of a sudden things went bad, he'd accuse me of cheating, go mad if i danced a certain way or talked to someone in a club etc, this went on for a while and then i found out he'd cheated on me with his ex. i finished with him but because we live together after a few weeks we ended up getting drunk and sleeping together.
we decided to give it another go, but since we got back together not a month goes by without us fighting (usually about something stupid) but its really starting to get to me. then last week in the pub he said maybe we should go back to been just fuck buddies with no strings attached, i know he'd just be using me and i should really finish it.
some days i just want to end it but then other days he's nice and i end up thinking maybe it'l be alright and we'l get back to where we where before all the fighting.. is this all my fault for been so stupid and letting him walk all over me..
we moved in with each other after a year and everything was fine for about 9 months, then all of a sudden things went bad, he'd accuse me of cheating, go mad if i danced a certain way or talked to someone in a club etc, this went on for a while and then i found out he'd cheated on me with his ex. i finished with him but because we live together after a few weeks we ended up getting drunk and sleeping together.
we decided to give it another go, but since we got back together not a month goes by without us fighting (usually about something stupid) but its really starting to get to me. then last week in the pub he said maybe we should go back to been just fuck buddies with no strings attached, i know he'd just be using me and i should really finish it.
some days i just want to end it but then other days he's nice and i end up thinking maybe it'l be alright and we'l get back to where we where before all the fighting.. is this all my fault for been so stupid and letting him walk all over me..
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Comments
I think problems seem to start when people fall into a relationship too deep, its just a pity that when it gets that far it's hard to find your way back out again.
he said he just wants something that isnt serious and that we should be just fuck buddys again, ( he told me il have no say in what he does and if he sleeps with someone else he'l tell me and we'l finish it then)
im not sure if this is what i want because i think il start feeling used but i told him if we did do this it has to be exciting and not as boring as its become, but then he just got annoyed and start sayin we see each other all the time so its bound to be boring now.. i feel like he's just using me for sex when it suits him and if wer fuck buddys he doent really have to make any effort, i know im stupid if i agree to this but i dont wana lose him either..
Your just being used for sex. He could sleep with anyone and you could contract anything. This will damage you in the long term. If I was you I would finish with him and find someone who wants you and you only. You deserve better than this. Tell him to go fuck himself. Cheeky bastard.
SDA
Not at all. You went into a relationship and your faith was broken, but you're not to blame at all.
It sounds like you may have got stuck in a rut. Have you got anyone you could go and stay with for maybe a week or two to help you work things out in your head - maybe a close friend or family member?
You may also find it helps to talk to someone for confidential and emotional support - you could try supportline on 0208 554 9004.
Take care *hugs*
I'm sorry your family said what they said, but it sounds like they said it out of caring for you. I'm sure they would be upset if they knew you were this upset for whatever reason and didn't come to them because you felt you couldn't. They might say "I told you so" which isn't always great to hear, but don't you think they would support you? If they hate this guy so much (I'm guessing because of what happened between you in the past), then they will probably be pleased for your sake that you have decided to end the relationship and be glad to let you stay for a few days while you work that out in your head and with your boyfriend.
It doesn't sound like you'll be able to still live together if you are sure you don't want to be a couple, so I'd maybe think about somewhere else to live for either you or him. Maybe have that conversation with him when both of your feelings are less to the forefront.
I mostly just wanted to send you hugs when you're feeling so low, but also to let you know that you do have a choice in this as much as your partner has. Don't let him control this. It sounds to me like you should get out of this relationship for your own well-being and that making that decision would be a step in the right direction of recognising your own worth.
Mila
I'm really sorry to hear this, but perhaps Mila has a point, maybe just try talking to your family as it doesn't sound like you have anything to lose by it. You might find this article: leaving a controlling partner helpful, because it sounds like your boyfriend is using sex with you as a form of abuse and if he isn't prepared to listen to you about how you feel about where things are heading, and be sensitive to how you feel, then leaving, at least for a while, may be the best option.
I took your advice and tried talking to my mum last night, i tried to explain that i wasnt happy and asked if i could stay with her for a few days, she just said no that there's no room in the house and that she has enough problems herself without me adding to them, she told me i have to sort my own problems out and she knew he'd mess me around and i wouldnt listen to her so it serves me right..
I feel so alone now because my best mate moved away a few months ago too so havent got her to talk to and my other friend lives at home with her parents so there's no way i can stay with her.
i asked him if he could stay somewer else for few weeks and he said he's no were 2 go either so thats not an option.. i really dont no how to get out of this situation.
I'm really sorry to hear your Mum's reaction, it must be really distressing not knowing where to turn. Have you tried the helpline I suggested before? Supportline may be able to offer you coping strategies and alternatives to the options we've suggested so far.
I'd also recommend careline on 0845 122 8622
As i have said before, i never understood "fuck buddies" as you are bound to form ties if you see each other all the time. Anyways, i dont know if you could sleep in different rooms or find a hotel to stay in so that you dont have to always be around him. It sounds like he just wants to use you for sex and now that things aren't great for him, he wants to revert back to just sex.
all the best anyway and i hope you sort it out
we both own the apartment and its in both of our names, i told him i might move out and he just laughed at me and told me il lose everything if i go, if i do leave i have no wer to go and il lose any money ive put into the apartment (im not really too bothered about the money but am worried about having no wer to go) but i know if i tell him im leaving he'l make my life hell and there's no way i can kick him out or ask him 2 leave cos he wouldnt.
its all so complicated and i thought my family would try to help, i even rang my mam again and asked if i could even stay for weekend but she said No that she doesnt wana get involved..