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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    Don't mean to sound nasty or anything, but I think the way you've been lately, I think talking to your counseller would be a good idea.

    sorry-you dont sound nasty-i was really stupid-hope your all ok
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What are you scared of?

    I'm not being flippant, its a genuine question. Why are you so scared of going to speak to your counsellor? Don't hide behind convenient labels like "stupid" and "weak" (you're neither), but honestly answer the question to yourself.

    Are you scared of actually getting better? It's easy to stay depressed because its what you know, but being healthy and enjoying life? That's new, that's terrifying. Getting better scared the shit out of me, anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    What are you scared of?

    I'm not being flippant, its a genuine question. Why are you so scared of going to speak to your counsellor? Don't hide behind convenient labels like "stupid" and "weak" (you're neither), but honestly answer the question to yourself.

    Are you scared of actually getting better? It's easy to stay depressed because its what you know, but being healthy and enjoying life? That's new, that's terrifying. Getting better scared the shit out of me, anyway.

    im scared of losing my coping mechanism-its been there for four years-its what i know-im scared that without it im gonna fall and fail-thats stupid i know-im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your "coping mechanism" isn't working, and it never did work- that's why you sit in your room and cry and slice your arms open. You're not coping, you're not dealing with it, that's the most important thing to remember.

    It's OK to be terrified of the unknown- I was- but you need to be honest about what you are terrified of if you ever want to move on. It's not stupid to be shit-scared of the unknown, and being happy is the unknown for people who've spent most of their life struggling with depression. But if you want to get around the fear, and actually get better, you need to know what you are frightened of.

    One thing you aren't is stupid or pathetic for being scared. It's a natural human reaction. But you need to learn how to deal with the reaction healthily. Your counsellor, unless they are a complete tool, will know exactly why you cancelled. My therapist always knew.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Too much work and no time, I can't deal with this. Everyone told me that when my a levels were over that was it, I'd done the hard bit, how wtong they were. Maybe I should drop out, maybe uni's not for me, I've been worse since I've arrived, Maybe I'm just one of those people who just won't be happy no matter what. Does that even make sense? I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that all I think about now is how I can hurt myself and make it look like an accident. I hate this and myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What are you sorry about? Stop saying sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im sorry cos im such a pain-i should just get over it i know-ive been told that so many times-i want to stop i really do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are not a pain, you shouldn't think that of yourself, you are a great person who seems to have so much to give, even when you're feeling crap you're still trying to make others feel better, you shouldn't think so badly of yourself
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Liv wrote: »
    You are not a pain, you shouldn't think that of yourself, you are a great person who seems to have so much to give, even when you're feeling crap you're still trying to make others feel better, you shouldn't think so badly of yourself

    im rubbish and should have gone to counsellor today-i have been in touch with her-just some things i cant bring myself tosay to her yet-i know i should be able to but i cant sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It takes time- how long have you been going? It took me two years to be completely honest with my therapist.

    Don't be sorry and don't wallow in self-pity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bollocks. I was doing okay as well. Now all I want is vast amounts of Vodka, and do pointless self-destructive things.

    Hope you're ok xx

    update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people :) It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better :) Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine :)

    It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God im feeling so shit at the minute.

    Just want to stop feeling like this. I hate myself so much. Im planning on taking my brother off my mum, and its killing me. Will she ever forgive me?

    I hate living like this, id rather be dead, and with my dad than live this way. Don't think i can hold out much longer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Hope you're ok xx

    update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people :) It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better :) Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine :)

    It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.


    Im so pleased for you. Keep it going. You seem so determined, i admire you so much.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Hope you're ok xx

    update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people :) It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better :) Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine :)

    It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.

    well done and good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just want to harm-was feeling happy and then people start to have a go at me-why do i let it get to me-im sorry-i hate myself so much
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Infinite wrote: »
    Too late petal, too late.

    I don't mean in a fatalistic sense, I mean that I have to face facts. I'm never going to change. I'm doomed to insecurity, angst, self doubt, and fucking up every relationship I'll ever have. I have a self destructive streak a mile wide and I'll never conquer it.

    I'll just accept that I'm a mediocrity and lead my mediocre life.


    (ily too)

    andy that is balls, seriously. you are a top bloke and you deserve to be happy and to recognise how awesome you are for yourself.

    who is to say that you can't conquer your self-destructive streak? why give whatever it is in your head the satisfaction? i haven't conquered mine yet, and i'm certainly in some ways more self-destructive than you are, but does that mean i will never break free?

    give yourself a break sweetie, you don't have to be a mediocrity and to me you never will be.

    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jordy wrote: »
    Im so pleased for you. Keep it going. You seem so determined, i admire you so much.

    Thankyou, that means a lot to me.

    As for admiration, I admire a lot of people on this thread, won't name names :)

    I don't really know why I feel so determined, I just don't want to go back to how things were.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Hope you're ok xx

    update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people :) It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better :) Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine :)

    It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.

    That's good to hear.:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    That's good to hear.:)

    Cheers Sofie. Hope you're ok xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Cheers Sofie. Hope you're ok xx

    I'm alright thanks.

    Is there any reason why one minute I'm in a right crappy mood and all I want to do is SH and the next, I'm happy?:confused:

    I'm fine now, just really confused about this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I'm alright thanks.

    Is there any reason why one minute I'm in a right crappy mood and all I want to do is SH and the next, I'm happy?:confused:

    I'm fine now, just really confused about this.

    i dont the reason but i know what that feels like-just feelings confusing us-you ok now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm alright now, just slightly stressed out I guess. (I have to wait over a month to find out whether I'm going to ever be able to drive)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    John: there is someone you can rely on and you know where she is if you want a rant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Hope you're ok xx

    update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people :) It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better :) Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine :)

    It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.
    I'm okay, bit better today, just having a bad couple of days. Your determination to get there with things is pretty good, you've come a hell of a long way. You wouldnt believe how proud I'am of you. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just want to cry and know i shouldnt-sorry just trying to stop myself so writing here
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just want to cry and know i shouldnt-sorry just trying to stop myself so writing here

    No: crying is beneficial, its a good way of letting your emotions out without harming yourself. Pity I've lost all ability to do it. There is nothing wrong with venting on here, people will read and will try to help however they can. Your not going to get judged.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No: crying is beneficial, its a good way of letting your emotions out without harming yourself. Pity I've lost all ability to do it. There is nothing wrong with venting on here, people will read and will try to help however they can. Your not going to get judged.

    im not allowed to cry-thats what ive always been told-that i donthave the right to express my emotions cos they mean nothing
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