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Is it worth it without the fireworks?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    after time the intensity of feelings you have for your partner will mellow out a bit. thats normal. but if you don't feel anything at all, i wouldn't say its worth it tbh, and if i were you i'd ask myself why your sticking in a relationship with someone you don't feel anything for?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should stop comparing your feelings for this new guy to your feelings for your ex. I don't know how long you were with your ex, but if you think about it, how can a relationship you have been in a few months match up to something long term where you were both in love? There are obviously going to be differences. Your feelings may grow in time or they may not, but if you keep comparing this guy and this relationship to what you had before, he and it aren't getting a fair chance. Try and enjoy it for what it is alone. If you can't do that, then I would say that maybe it isn't worth it. But I don't think you will know that until you stop comparing it to your last relationship and letting it fall short.

    Mila
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I stayed with my ex for 18months. I don't know why, or where it came from, but there was, and still is (although I refuse to act on it), some form of connection between us, but no spark. He was completely not my kind of guy, and totally the opposite to my current boyfriend, where there is a definate spark.

    The things I remember disliking about the earlier relationship were the sex, in that he was demanding, and the fact that he was very protective, and would ring every night, during tea, without fail. Whether or not it was worth it, I'm not sure. At the time it beat being on my own, but I'm not the sort of person who likes playing the field.

    I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him, which is where I think the sparks come in. I also think that the spark is either there or it isn't, it doesn't grow, but that's just in my limited experience.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you're just settling for him, for the sake of having a boyfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Mila wrote: »
    I think you should stop comparing your feelings for this new guy to your feelings for your ex. I don't know how long you were with your ex, but if you think about it, how can a relationship you have been in a few months match up to something long term where you were both in love? There are obviously going to be differences. Your feelings may grow in time or they may not, but if you keep comparing this guy and this relationship to what you had before, he and it aren't getting a fair chance. Try and enjoy it for what it is alone. If you can't do that, then I would say that maybe it isn't worth it. But I don't think you will know that until you stop comparing it to your last relationship and letting it fall short.

    Mila

    :yes: I think these are really fair points.

    Was you ex your first love/long-term relationship Katchika? So many people I've spoken to still have very fond feelings for their first love even if it had a sticky end, and it can be really tough to accept that after losing someone you thought you were going to be with forever, things can ever work out with someone else.

    Perhaps you are taking some of the things you do with your current guy for granted, whereas when you did them with your ex they were exciting and undiscovered? If this is the case then maybe you could arrange to do things with your new guy that you've never done before so that there isn't the same temptation to compare. You could also ask your fella to introduce you to some new things (not football related ;) ) so that you can appreciate him for his different traits more.

    Ultimately it's about identifying ways that your boyfriend is enriching your life, and if he isn't at all - that's when you maybe have to seriously re-think. If he is then over time I think the love will grow.

    Overall, try not to romanticise your relationship with your ex too much and remind yourself of why you broke up - although I know that can be a painful process.

    I hope you start to feel better soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know this feeling too well... :(
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