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the minefield of friendship after a relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, so after reading and posting in JMS's thread, I thought I'd make my own...
been with a girl 4 years (first relationship), didnt work out, It's been a few months now, but I still love her and all that malarkey.
she's added me as a friend on facebook now, which I turned down, as I said I wasn't ready to treat her only as a friend, to which she replied something along the lines of
"fine, I don't consider you my friend"
which, although initiated by me, really hurt
more so because I really didnt want to hurt her by saying so. I'm lost really, I don't want to feel crappy all the time, thinking about her and not sleeping at night, but I also dont want to hurt her. I'm pretty sure she's pissed off with me now.
been with a girl 4 years (first relationship), didnt work out, It's been a few months now, but I still love her and all that malarkey.
she's added me as a friend on facebook now, which I turned down, as I said I wasn't ready to treat her only as a friend, to which she replied something along the lines of
"fine, I don't consider you my friend"
which, although initiated by me, really hurt
more so because I really didnt want to hurt her by saying so. I'm lost really, I don't want to feel crappy all the time, thinking about her and not sleeping at night, but I also dont want to hurt her. I'm pretty sure she's pissed off with me now. 0
Comments
Its a good thing that you didn't accept her invitation - but I would write back something along the lines of. I am sorry you feel that way but I dont' feel ready yet - but please dont' discount us being friends for the future. Then review how you feel in a years time.
I think that it is virtually impossible to be friends with someone after you have broken up with them - for at least a couple of years. I am probably not one to talk as i've not been wildly good at maintaining friendships with ex's but the couple I do still speak to - i'm friendly and the like but not overly so.
it is just a silly website, but it's one I check daily, if not more so, and I dont want a daily reminder of what I no longer have! (plus her profile pic is sexiful which just rubs it in
but then, I dont want to loose touch with her. I still dont know whether I even want to get over her, I cant picture us just being freinds.
also, I might be going to visit freinds at the weekend, in same town she's in. I dont know whether to tell her I'm coming down or not! I want to see her, but in the long run I guess that's not a good idea. If she see's me out in town and I havn't told her I'm down, it'll probably upset her.
damn I sound pathetic
You are doing the best for your own mental health, and believe it or not, the thoughts will go away, not today, not tomorrow, but one day you'll think about her once again and be like, "pff... a closed chapter in my life."
Moreover could you give her a teeny weeny guild trip, which is always a smirk on the face of Mr. Sadistic Glee.
Chin up mate... as hard as it sounds, you know it's the only reasonable thing.
makes things harder in that I still have feeling for her, and she still has feelings for me.
*cough* "fine, I don't consider you my friend" *cough*
What is she trying to do? Blackmail your for friendship? Just leave it rest for a few months and act accordingly then.
There is nothing wrong with getting in contact with her after like 2 years. the sheets were washed white and it's a good feeling to meet again someone you know 'a long time ago'.
Go out this weekend - don't contact her at all - and most importantly have some FUN.
it's guna be wierd if I go down for the weekend and dont see her
anyways, guna be especially odd as I'll probably be staying about 3 mins walk from her house too.
...never though this would be so hard
I'm not pointing a finger or anything because trust me, I'm going through the same thing. There is a very thin line between hate and love. Take some time to cool off and who knows, maybe in 5 years you two will laugh about it.
However, in the meantime, however hard it may be, you have to let go. She's made it very clear where she stands, which I guess is commendable so now you know where you stand. The only person that is going to come off badly in this is you unfortunately.
This seems like a good idea.
I really don't know to be honest... I was just trying to do what's best, but when you're all messed up it's almost impossible to know what that is.
she didnt mean what she said, I know that much. but as I've said, I dont know what I was expecting. (besides making things more confusing!)
although, after 4 years it seems a shame to just break contact.
very true. I made the mistake of accepting the friend request from my ex. Gives me high blood pressure every time she updates.
It might work to just be straight forward with her and tell her that you want to work towards being friends but you're not at that point yet. That way she doesn't think it was some sort of snub.
I know it is hard to let go entirely, I haven't done it myself, but you think "why should I? I might aswell try it."
*sigh* Good luck. We need it :S
Going back to the facebook thing, i had my ex as a friend, then i got rid of her as a friend as i kept looking at her profile which doesnt help. I'm even getting to the stage where im rejecting being a friend with one of her friends as i know she has pics on the profile. Its that bad i guess, not that i cant stand looking at her, i dunno just i guess it reminds me of things id rather forget now.
She's tried texting and talking on msn the last few days to me, ive just tried my best to ignore it. I know maybe a shitty thing to do, but i don't think i could ever see us being friends really, which is sad as we really did get on. Doesnt make any sense i guess, i know it doesnt to her. I loved her too much and she broke my heart. Even a year on from it all i don't stop thinking about it, and its going to take a long while before i do stop thinking about it.
Mine wasnt the longest of relationships compared to yours but i still felt for her. Just don't make my mistake of constantly making stupid decisions and then regretting them later. If you can, try and cut her out of your life for a while. I know you cant forget about her, thats a stupid thing to ask as it won't happen. She'll always be in your mind, i know she will. Maybe dont text her or even reply to texts shes sends, maybe thats a start. The less you know about what shes doing the better it is i find, but maybe thats because the situations are different i dunno.
It is very weird really, i do surround myself with my friends at uni and keep myself busy but at then end of the day i do always seem to think about her, no matter whats happened. I guess thats what happens .. even a year on. But i guess its upto me now to move on, but like you i dont know if i want to .. stupid as it may seem. Ha these things are weird and stupid arent they.
Well not really much advice there, just thought i'd type for a while, seems to help every now and then.
and you're right, they are weird and stupid, but they still make us feel crap!
i'm actually properly getting somewhere with my ex now (been split up a year and a half!!) - so i don't want to start going backwards.
just do what feels right for you.
Beginning to think that "the best way to get over someone is to get under another."
Maybe you should move on with someone else now if you can. If not, just space yourself until you are ready
(( hug ))
I never really felt sick when i saw her, was really good to see her. My heart was still pounding away when i saw her, does everytime. Guess the only times i feel "sick" or bad is after i'd seen her or if i think about her with that other bloke.
Things will be fine and dandy soon i hope for everyone
seems she thinks the actual reason I dont want her to join is because she reckons I've been hiding something on there. booo, that makes things even worse and now she's proper upset with me.
this is a loose-loose game I'm beginning to think