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I Need Help Please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey if anyone could help id appreciate it, sorry if this is a bit all over the place im just really upset at the moment..:o
My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago, but we decided to give it another go, but recently i've been very insecure and i think first chance he gets he gona do it again, i've even started checking his phone :eek: this is something that i would never normally do so it making me feel even worse that i've become such a weirdo.
The worst part is that i think i might be pregnant (i missed 3 pills in strip) but wont know for sure till i can take a test on sat, if i am i really dont know what to do because if i cant even trust him going out on a boys night how can i trust him with this.. I think if i am i probably wont tell him and just have an abortion ( only one problem i have a leaking valve and a hole in my heart ) so not sure if it would really be possible for me 2 get an abortion, does anyone have any idea if it would be possible or if it would cause me problem?
My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago, but we decided to give it another go, but recently i've been very insecure and i think first chance he gets he gona do it again, i've even started checking his phone :eek: this is something that i would never normally do so it making me feel even worse that i've become such a weirdo.
The worst part is that i think i might be pregnant (i missed 3 pills in strip) but wont know for sure till i can take a test on sat, if i am i really dont know what to do because if i cant even trust him going out on a boys night how can i trust him with this.. I think if i am i probably wont tell him and just have an abortion ( only one problem i have a leaking valve and a hole in my heart ) so not sure if it would really be possible for me 2 get an abortion, does anyone have any idea if it would be possible or if it would cause me problem?
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Comments
As for the other issue, of course you can't trust someone who betrayed you. You can forgive but its very hard to forget. If you don't trust him at all then I seriously doubt you should stick with him, truth be told, but you're quite right to not trust someone who cheated on you.
i dont think il ever trust him properly again but after he cheated its like i blocked it out completely and its only really starting to register what he did now..
plus i cant talk to him about it cos if i try he just starts fighting with me saying im bringing up stuff thats in the past and i should leave it alone.
If you are pregnant then you should see your doctor straight away, because pregnancy puts more strain on your heart and consequently the valve. They may need to change your medication/Warfarin dosage or switch you onto something else for a short while.
If you do genuinely want to [continue to] give things another shot then you need to let go of your thoughts that he's going to cheat again, easier said than done - I know. But you've given him another chance, and while it seems strange to talk about what's "fair" to him... you should only give someone another chance if that's what you're willing to do. If the entire relationship (at least from your perspective) is coloured by your suspicions and feelings of mistrust then what kind of relationship is that? There's no point. You say you blocked it out completely, I guess that might be where you went wrong. If you want to try and make a go of a relationship after infidelity then you need to confront the issue head on and work through it together. Otherwise it will always be there in the room with the two of you, like the pink elephant in the room, and you'll never get back to any semblance of normality. If you tell him that you NEED to talk through it with him and he still starts arguing and saying you're bringing up the past then that is very selfish and cowardly behaviour - he should be helping the relationship get past HIS indiscretion in whatever ways he can. While I said that you can't let your past dictate the future of your relationship, it is still a shared past together and you can't just erase it... you need to become ok with it again, and trust him. If you can.
Speaking from personal experience, I took back my ex several times after he cheated and in the end I realised (after he cheated AGAIN) that I was just clinging onto it because of how great things had been [briefly] and because I was scared of being without him I suppose. But there is no greater hell than to be a prisoner of fear, as they say, so I should've kicked that rubbish off my doorstep long before things ended. Hindsight is just fabulous
As Kermit says, if you can't trust him then you've no real reason to stick with him. Trust is paramount in any relationship.
They decided to give it another go!
You have to really believe he made a big mistake cheating on you and really wants things to work this time, (normally a reason for cheating....) before you can trust him again. If he's doing all he can to make things work then your on the right road.....but remember, he's not mind reader so if something bugging you confront him about it.
If the worst comes to the worst and you are pregnant, then i would assume an abortion would be easier on the ol` ticker when you have heart problems, than carrying a baby to term, but im not saying that either would definitely be a problem. Its something youd need to discuss with your doctor
Best thing you can do if you're really serious about giving it another go is to have a complete break from each other for a couple of weeks, no contact. This might sound strange but it just makes you step back and think about things rationally rather than being caught up in the relationship.