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Completely unfanciable. I'm going to top myself.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    The whole world doesn't care how many women you've had, and the whole world doesn't care how many women you want to have.
    You don't know my life, every day everyone around me goes on about sex sex sex and relationships - my boss, my team at work, other graduates at lunchtime, friends I socialise with and new people I meet. I've just got back from meeting someone new who asked me "So, what's your magic number then?"
    Kermit wrote: »
    The biggest question you have to ask is: why is it such a big issue for you?
    Good question. Well, I suppose I have a perfect CV... I've never had any problems getting 11A*s at GCSE, 6As at A-Level, a 1st class degree, county-level sports representation, making friends so easily and being fought over by top employers for prestigious grad jobs. All that's been really easy for me. So it's very, very frustrating why I'm so useless with this. I feel like a complete failure. That whilst I've been successful in literally everything else I can't get what I want here, and I really don't know why. As far as I see it's the one thing missing from my life, with it everything would be perfect. There's admittedly the shallow pride and want to show off a bit, I'd love for example my Facebook relationship status to say "In a relationship with (stunning girl)" rather than "Single".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are really that bothered about people at work and stuff putting pressure on you, why dont you hire an escort to go to public events? That way you can take the pressure off yourself, while maintaining a 'front' which is what it seems you would like to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    noangel wrote: »
    Hi Jomery, I just read you thread, it felt like I was reading my life.

    I live in London, I’m 23 , female and a virgin only my closet mates know. I went to a really good Uni. but finding it difficult to get a job in the sector I desire. I was 21 when I had my first kiss so since then I have kissed a grand total of 3 guys, but have had 0 boyfriends

    I cant take it when people say ‘oh I cant believe your single, oh your so cool, you would make a great gf', some rude people say: ‘oh I cant image you with a guy‘, at Uni they didn’t know I was a virgin they would say, ‘so don’t you miss sex -sure you don’t have a guy hidden somewhere’..

    Wanna add more but this is your thread so I’ll try to hold back

    I just wanna say your not alone. Reading some of the threads like hornet983 posted really helped me out these couple of weeks. I just wish I had found this site a month or even few years ago cos the people on here sound really cool they give great advice and not just get the mundane ones your mates or parents give you. Its real honest answers sometimes hard to read but there right!

    I hope reading everyone’s reply, will boost your confidence somewhat cos I believe that’s the key to all this. If we feel good about ourselves regardless of what we look like we radiant that to others and that’s what makes use attractive. Thing about it. When you see a women down the street who looks comfortable in her own skin, don’t you look twice at her but when you see another walking head bowed down you don’t tend to notice or if you do its not the kind of person you want to be around.

    Think POSITIVE don’t think negative cos that’s when things seem to go wrong with me. The more positive you get the more people will notice, trust me cos I’m living it! as soon as you think positive your behaviour changes for the better and people well relate:yes:

    Also please active not just going out to clubs all the time but go get come fresh air walk down the park go to a gallery, anything! It might sound weird but do things you don’t normal do (don’t think I’m hunting for a girl cos you only find someone when/where you least expect it, yes it’s a cliché but true. New environments prodvides new people and opportunities.

    I hope you stay a member of this site so we can see your progress and visa versa DON’T DESPAIR! when you go for lunch tomorrow go to a café you never been to before strike up a conversation with someone. It doesn’t have to lead into anything (if she blanks you, who gives a shit, the next one wont) just build your confidence with the opposite sex. So the next time you do see a girl who gives you the urge to chat too you well feel natural and loads more confident. You wont seem stalkerish or desperate (or worst still chicken-out!), just a cute guy who likes to chat;)
    GOOD LUCK!
    We soo need to hook up.. :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh it seems we do have a bit in common:flirt:

    I hope you do take the advice everyone has posted..we’re just trying to tell you to concentrate in building yourself esteem:)
    Jomery wrote: »
    You don't know my life, every day everyone around me goes on about sex sex sex and relationships - my boss, my team at work, other graduates at lunchtime, friends I socialise with and new people I meet. I've just got back from meeting someone new who asked me "So, what's your magic number then?"
    I know people chatting can be irritating, they do at my work too lol, but that’s why your gonna have to find an interest away from these people cos in away your automatically thinking, oh she’s gonna say you’re your sweet but I just wanna be friends.

    Namaste is right, body language is key, we all interact using it. Just staying stuff to a girl is half the battle, you have to act it too, believe in yourself.

    Anyway, Coldplays Chris Martin didn’t lose his til he was 21. I’m sure there are guys at work/Uni who had no clue but brag to make themselves feel better.

    Qutoing a old friend: allow it! do your own thing!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    The biggest question you have to ask is: why is it such a big issue for you?
    I think that's the easiest question to answer. Because he never has. I know it sounds simple, but it's easy to dismiss relationships and pulling as just being a bonus when you've been there and done that. And I think far more than most people realise is judged on how attractive someone is to the opposite sex. But the danger is doing this things just to be able to say you've experienced them, because if you do that, you'll likely experience them in a negative light (especially if you're expecting it to fill a huge void you feel in your life).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Good question. Well, I suppose I have a perfect CV... I've never had any problems getting 11A*s at GCSE, 6As at A-Level, a 1st class degree, county-level sports representation, making friends so easily and being fought over by top employers for prestigious grad jobs. All that's been really easy for me. So it's very, very frustrating why I'm so useless with this. I feel like a complete failure. That whilst I've been successful in literally everything else I can't get what I want here, and I really don't know why. As far as I see it's the one thing missing from my life, with it everything would be perfect. There's admittedly the shallow pride and want to show off a bit, I'd love for example my Facebook relationship status to say "In a relationship with (stunning girl)" rather than "Single".

    This doesn't mean that you have some sort of 'automatic right' to a girlfriend. Yes, it's nice to be with someone who is successful (not being shallow here but it is nice to be with someone who has actually done something with their life) and has an ambition.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    This doesn't mean that you have some sort of 'automatic right' to a girlfriend. Yes, it's nice to be with someone who is successful (not being shallow here but it is nice to be with someone who has actually done something with their life) and has an ambition.

    Yup.

    OP - the more importance you place on this, then the more miserable you're going to become about this. To be perfectly honest, it really isn't that big a deal. The fact that you're making out that it is the be-all and end-all of existence is exactly the reason why you're feeling so bad about this. God knows I feel for you but your quasi-obsession over this one act is the sole reason why you're like this.

    The fact that you would derive no small pleasure from Facebook surely shows that you're taking this too far.

    Please don't think I'm being cruel in my probings but sometimes to chance we need to realise a few humbling truths about ourselves.
    Jomery wrote:
    Similarly I don't have a problem asking girls out on 'dates', eg those I meet at clubs, but it never goes further than that, never pulled one, they all want to go down the friendship route, and once again there's me being a complete chump wasting time with someone I'm not gonna get a pull or shag out of.

    That, I think is the problem. Are you perchance a mysoginist? Perhaps it's how you view women that's causing problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're totally confusing me - one minute you're depressed and saying you want to top yourself cause you can't get a gf, the next all you seem interested in is a shag. If you want to find a partner then you need to start treating women with more respect.

    Tbh you come across as being one of these work-a-holics who want to build a perfect life for themselves - perfect grades, top degree, top job and so top partner and then throws a tantrum when they don't get what they want. Sorry to be harsh, but that's the impression i'm getting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    If they've waited until marriage for religious/personal reasons then fair enough that earns respect, but I would happily fuck most girls age 16-30, I'm not that fussy really, and haven't even been able to kiss one, that's pretty pathetic.

    TBH I find that pretty off putting. Maybe you come across as too desperate..I certainly wouldn't want to go out with/sleep with someone who confessed that they would happily fuck most girls and wasn't that fussy...a girl wants to feel special! At least fancied, not just an available female.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I agree you probably come across as desperate. I've known guys like that who are the 'leechy' ones of the group. They're very confident and flirty but they do it to every girl and so it just comes across as sleazy. Take notice of how your male friends act around girls, what they say, their body language, how they behave. You'd probably learn alot. Also, ask someone who knows you and who will give you an HONEST answer as to what they think the reason is and how you might come across to other people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a shame that the OP hasn't had the decency to take our advice from the previous thread on board. Anyone can pull a girl for sex if they ask enough girls, and that's what office parties were invented for.

    I think I agree with Ballerina in this- it does come across to me as well as a little boy who's used to getting his own way having a tantrum because in one thing he can't get what he wants by either buying it or clicking his fingers. A lot of high-achievers I know are total control freaks, and the thing about a relationship is that you can't control the other person- you can't make someone like you with cash.

    The reasons why you have trouble were very apparent in your previous thread- you seem to be treating women as a chattel to be won, a reward for your hard work. If you buy them a dinner then they will suck you off. If there's one thing that puts women off its being considered a prize, something to be bought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But will he actually listen to the advice?

    well this is pretty much a repeat of his 1st thread...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's me being a complete chump wasting time with someone I'm not gonna get a pull or shag out of.

    oioioi! wrong mindset dude... girls smell that compulsive behaviour of "I need a shag" a 100 kilometres against the wind.
    Couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not shy at all, I'm very outgoing and confident, in fact I've been featured by a famous magazine for being a hardcore socialite. I always initiate conversations with girls when I meet them, many seem really interested, ask for my number or are happy to give me theirs / email, add me on Facebook, send me lots of msgs etc but it seems from the offset all they wanted was friendship. Even though I can be very flirty and make it quite clear I like them, it's out of the question.

    hard to make an opinion out of that. It's always how you see yourself and how others see you. I was like you, always defending myself, specifying my good feats, to counter every criticism I got, but still something wasn't working smooth there. You seem to be pretty constrained and angry as if you'd shout a girl in the face "WHY WON'T YOU GO OUT WITH ME." if she doesn't sleep with on the first meet.

    either you fool yourself, or you really can't be helped.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Similarly I don't have a problem asking girls out on 'dates', eg those I meet at clubs, but it never goes further than that, never pulled one, they all want to go down the friendship route, and once again there's me being a complete chump wasting time with someone I'm not gonna get a pull or shag out of. :banghead:

    Is it really 'wasting time' if you enjoy yourself on the date and get a friendship out of it? And you never know, one of these friendships may develop...it's very hard to tell with just one date.

    You need to stop thinking too much about it and concentrate on enjoying life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    Yeah I agree you probably come across as desperate. I've known guys like that who are the 'leechy' ones of the group. They're very confident and flirty but they do it to every girl and so it just comes across as sleazy. Take notice of how your male friends act around girls, what they say, their body language, how they behave. You'd probably learn alot. Also, ask someone who knows you and who will give you an HONEST answer as to what they think the reason is and how you might come across to other people.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, I can't beleive this thread has gone on for sooo long.

    Firstly, I can't believe all this socialite crap, because your being a right miserable twat.

    And nobody wants to know if your going to blow your head off mate, post your problems no lame threats designed to get you attention.

    I agree with others, it seems Daddy hasn't been able to buy you a girlfriend so its 'so unfair' - bollocks. If all what you say is true, especially if your not fussy, i find it really hard to beleive you havnt found a shag. Don't get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with being a virgin, but if your that desparate..

    If your that desparate mr socialite, get off the internet and bell an escort. Becuase, all the advise you repeatedly get on here aint gonna help third time round.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deceelpool wrote: »
    To be honest, I can't beleive this thread has gone on for sooo long.

    Firstly, I can't believe all this socialite crap, because your being a right miserable twat.

    And nobody wants to know if your going to blow your head off mate, post your problems no lame threats designed to get you attention.

    I agree with others, it seems Daddy hasn't been able to buy you a girlfriend so its 'so unfair' - bollocks. If all what you say is true, especially if your not fussy, i find it really hard to beleive you havnt found a shag. Don't get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with being a virgin, but if your that desparate..

    If your that desparate mr socialite, get off the internet and bell an escort. Becuase, all the advise you repeatedly get on here aint gonna help third time round.

    Im guessing your not a samaritan :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin wrote: »
    Im guessing your not a samaritan :D

    Lol, not really.
    Not if theres nothing wrong wit ppl anyway. Dont think it would go down too well at the smaritans 'i wanna shag an i cant get one'.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    deceelpool wrote: »
    To be honest, I can't beleive this thread has gone on for sooo long.

    Well you've seen fit to respond to it - so there's your reason, nearly everyone has an opinion on this kind of issue and like's to have their say. Which is fine of course, that's what a forum is about.
    deceelpool wrote: »
    Firstly, I can't believe all this socialite crap, because your being a right miserable twat.

    And nobody wants to know if your going to blow your head off mate, post your problems no lame threats designed to get you attention.

    I think you need to ease off there. There's a difference between airing your opinion and resorting to full-on insults.

    I do think there's been some excellent advice given so far and do wonder myself whether Jomery has taken note, as the responses seem to be more defensive than anything. Jomery, I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said, so the best I can offer is to really spend some quality time just reading back over this thread and some of the things people have said. I hope you've found it all helpful as you're genuinely getting responses from a fair few people who know their stuff when it comes to relationships. Just take your time and try not to put so much pressure on yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you only read one thing... read this article which someone posted to the thread hornet created not long ago.

    Its a really good article (promise)

    http://www.howtobecooler.com/virgin

    Its honest so be prepared to accept what you read.

    :thumb:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    :lol: you after my job teagan?

    Guess I was just wary of repeating myself: http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showpost.php?p=1902469&postcount=89 ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    :lol: you after my job teagan?

    Imitation is the highest form of flattery ... ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But will he actually listen to the advice?

    Seriously doubt it.

    To the OP - you really do come across as desparate and this will really put someone off going out with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery did you take any advice given in the last thread?
    Of course. I read everything people write here, with great attention. Have spent days at work reading the Relationships forum on this site, particularly your insights, got in trouble at work about it. I took heed at the idea that being an ambitious person with a successful career is not something that will attract people sexually whatsoever, I always considered them major positives. But a month on nothing's changed, things have just got worked, trying to adopt different strategies leads to the same thing, and it's hard to try and sort myself out with 'friends' constantly harrassing me about my non-existent lovelife.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Get some new firends then.

    Don't mean to sound harsh, but the only reason why (IMHO) this is a problems for you is because you're obsessing over it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    You're totally confusing me - one minute you're depressed and saying you want to top yourself cause you can't get a gf, the next all you seem interested in is a shag. If you want to find a partner then you need to start treating women with more respect.
    Ideally a want a relationship, but I believe somethiing is better than nothing, and would much rather prefer a drunken pull or a one-night stand than walking home alone every time, as someone else said perhaps because I haven't experienced it.
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Tbh you come across as being one of these work-a-holics who want to build a perfect life for themselves - perfect grades, top degree, top job and so top partner and then throws a tantrum when they don't get what they want. Sorry to be harsh, but that's the impression i'm getting.
    Yeah I think you're right, and I don't know what the problem is? In your words, "perfect grades, top degree, top job" I've found completely possible to achieve through sheer determination and hard work, yet this doesn't work for lovelife, but nor does as everyone says completely cooling off and trying to forget about it, that gives the same result - nothing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Anyone can pull a girl for sex if they ask enough girls, and that's what office parties were invented for.
    I'VE BEEN REJECTED BY OVER 50 GIRLS IN THE LAST 8 YEARS. NOT PULLED A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. WHETHER THAT'S JUST MEETING THEM, HAVING KNOWN THEM FOR A WHILE ETC. AT OFFICE PARTIES EVERYONE GETS LUCKY EXCEPT ME.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    hard to make an opinion out of that. It's always how you see yourself and how others see you. I was like you, always defending myself, specifying my good feats, to counter every criticism I got, but still something wasn't working smooth there. You seem to be pretty constrained and angry as if you'd shout a girl in the face "WHY WON'T YOU GO OUT WITH ME." if she doesn't sleep with on the first meet.
    The reason I'm defending myself is because people are making assumptions that are completely far off the mark. Like saying I'm shy, I'm the complete opposite, I'm outgoing and have no problem initiating conversation with me. Yes, I am pretty angry and really would like to know why girls won't go out with me. I've asked a lot of my female friends and they all give the same generic stupid unhelpful answer, whilst continuing to blither on that they can't believe I'm still single.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You come across as desprate - so what do you expect?
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