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When coming out goes wrong

PearlyPearly Posts: 345 The Mix Regular
How can you cope if you've come out and it's not exactly gone down well with friends, family or colleagues?

Have any of you had any experiences of this and things didn't go to plan, or you were pleasantly surprised by people's reactions?

When coming out goes wrong

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I expexted my mum to be Ok about it. But she blew it up into this really big deal, calling help centres and crying and everything. She was always tolerant of the gay community, but to her it was different when it was her own child. I still haven't told my Dad, and it took me 12 hours to tell one of my best friends. When I came out with it all she said was 'oh i thought you were going to tell me something bad!'. Such a relief!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have not and never will tell my parents that i'm bi. I once had a conversation with my mother (to test the waters as it were). She basically said this; camp gay men are a laugh and nice people, she's had some good lesbian mates, but bisexuals are greedy and "it's not fair on their partners". So i'm better off as a lesbian... :rolleyes:

    I have however told most of my friends. My best mate came out to me, then i came out to her! So that was easy.. I took ages over telling an old school friend though, i was so worried she wouldn't accept me. She gave me a hug and said it's ok, you're still Emma, you're still my friend. It was such a relief! My other mates were very casual about it, one suprised me by congratulating me! lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know why but I've always seen girls having it easier coming out. I have a few lesbian friends and a few bi female friends, they seem to have always been open and honest about it. But then I suppose I met them way after they came out.
    I'm straight as a gate but I'm very luckily I have a family who couldn't give a rat's are whom I fancy as long as I'm happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My male gay friend told his family in a letter, his dad was appauled and made him use seperate towels.
  • PearlyPearly Posts: 345 The Mix Regular
    his dad was appauled and made him use seperate towels
    Wow that's a bit harsh...
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Blah wrote: »
    My male gay friend told his family in a letter, his dad was appauled and made him use seperate towels.
    Did they use the same towel before? I thought the "normal" thing was one towel per person. (3 actually, one for hands-face, one for feet and one for the rest)

    And talia: What a hypocrite your mum is!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I don't really see myself as ever having "come out" because I don't see myself as "bisexual" or "gay"... Or anything. However, my sexuality is a process which has took me a long time to adjust to, I would say I'm 90% along the way and don't have any real issues about it.

    I've had mixed reactions really. I kept it hidden from my Mum until I was 22, but then I met somebody, there was chemistry and... Well, I realised that I wasn't confused and that my feelings were sincere. I don't cry often, but I did then because I was scared my Mum would hate me because I know she would like grandkids and my brother's gay. It has been very frightening for me as I've had mixed reactions from people, but my Mum is one of the most sincere and accepting people you could ever meet.

    As for my Dad, I wouldn't tell him because I don't think he would take it well. He was fine with my brother, but doesn't have what I'd call a healthy attitude towards women, judging by the way he treated my Mother. I'm his last call for having grandchildren as well and he's a churchgoer... The fact is that I feel he'd be disappointed that his daughter isn't ever going to be an incubator. I feel that also, it would bring shame upon the family as my Dad's side are mostly very religious. Oh yeah... And it's none of his business anyway!

    Friends... Well I've actually found the gay scene the most intolerent. You know? Excuse me for ever having had relationships with men, I'm sure that means that I'm confused, unfashionable and unable to stay faithful. Of course, even if I were accepted in to the ghettoised lesbian community, I'd soon enough wreck relationships and go running back to men, right? :rolleyes:

    My home town is quite homophobic, so I'm very quiet, but most my mates have been accepting. One did turn around to me and ask "so, have you decided whether you want to be with men or women yet?" I mean screw that attitude, I'm a person and I'll be with whoever I want.

    To steal a quote... "I go for the heart, not the anatomy".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did they use the same towel before? I thought the "normal" thing was one towel per person. (3 actually, one for hands-face, one for feet and one for the rest)

    Im guessing they alredy used seperate bath towels, but they made him use a different hand towel. Normally people have one hand towel in the bathroom.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Blah wrote: »
    Im guessing they alredy used seperate bath towels, but they made him use a different hand towel. Normally people have one hand towel in the bathroom.
    Interesting, never been that way with anyone I know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hada pretty shit time at church, and from some people at school, but otherwise everyone's been pretty cool. Especially at uni, no one really seems to care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    satehen wrote: »
    She basically said bisexuals are greedy and "it's not fair on their partners". So i'm better off as a lesbian... :rolleyes:

    What a load of rubbish.

    There's a set of twins I know who are lesbians. Their sister (who is about 1-2 years older) basically said that she's alright with gay people but not with lesbians.:confused: Please excuse my ignorance here, but what exactly is the difference?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    What a load of rubbish.

    There's a set of twins I know who are lesbians. Their sister (who is about 1-2 years older) basically said that she's alright with gay people but not with lesbians.:confused: Please excuse my ignorance here, but what exactly is the difference?

    Lesbian twins? There are two lesbian twins wh play music.

    This is them (Piccolo, I reckon you'll like 'em)!

    Maybe it's genetic.

    As for the sister... Maybe she's not comfortable with her own sexuality? I know guys who are cool with lesbians (you know, probably the ones that are found on the to shelf of an offlicense), but aren't comfortable with gay men. I think it's about boundaries, about curiousity and about education.

    You can be friends with a gay person of the same sex and they don't have to fancy you.

    You also can't contract "gay" by brushing against a homosexual. If they breath on you however... ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Lesbian twins? There are two lesbian twins wh play music.

    This is them (Piccolo, I reckon you'll like 'em)!

    Tegan and Sara :heart:

    i dont have anything to say about the thread like. just wanted to express my love for them. !
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »
    it took me 12 hours to tell one of my best friends. When I came out with it all she said was 'oh i thought you were going to tell me something bad!'. Such a relief!

    :confused:

    12 hours?

    What from the moment you first realised, or did it take 12 hours for the message to sink in... I'm really confused by this comment :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dad came out as gay to me and my sister when I was 11 and she was 13.
    We were both fine about it...

    Then he had to tell his mum who has been very homophobic all her life.
    We went with him to visit her for moral support... we were all ready to make a dash for it incase she chucked us out the house... But when he told her the first thing she did was start crying and said something like 'oh my god, I must have hurt you so much all this time by being so homophobic' and they had a big cuddle.
    She's not found it easy, but shes come to terms with having a gay son gradually and I really respect her for how she dealt with it and accepted him for who he really is instead of turning her back on him, because she so easily could have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lu_C, I hope your dad knows how lucky he is to have you.

    And, to lower the tone again, I :love: Tegan and Sara, too. I discovered them when I was staying with Dad in Australia, it made me very happy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I mean it took a whole day for me to pluck up the courage to say something. I told her I had something to tell her, then refused to say it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »
    I mean it took a whole day for me to pluck up the courage to say something. I told her I had something to tell her, then refused to say it.


    Ahhh, from the moment you decided to tell her, it took 12 hours. That makes more sense...

    You really have my sympathy. It angers me that you should feel that you can't just say something because of how people react. Too many small minded tossers out there...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my mates is gay and hasn't told his family yet. He's 24. I just don't think he has the courage. He lives and works in Edinburgh now, and his family are in Northern Ireland, so he can live his gay lifestyle without detection. He gets on well with his family and I suppose he doesn't want to jeopardise that or something. It's such a shame, he says his mum is often asking him about girlfriends and things. I really do not envy his position.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lu_C wrote: »
    My dad came out as gay to me and my sister when I was 11 and she was 13.
    We were both fine about it...

    Then he had to tell his mum who has been very homophobic all her life.
    We went with him to visit her for moral support... we were all ready to make a dash for it incase she chucked us out the house... But when he told her the first thing she did was start crying and said something like 'oh my god, I must have hurt you so much all this time by being so homophobic' and they had a big cuddle.
    She's not found it easy, but shes come to terms with having a gay son gradually and I really respect her for how she dealt with it and accepted him for who he really is instead of turning her back on him, because she so easily could have.

    That made me go 'aww' inside :).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hehe I told my mum in an email the other day that I recieved a Valentines gift from a girl, in response she said how peculiar. Not sure if she got it or not!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fairy wrote: »
    Hehe I told my mum in an email the other day that I recieved a Valentines gift from a girl, in response she said how peculiar. Not sure if she got it or not!

    At least she didn't say how queer. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Addict wrote: »
    At least she didn't say how queer. :p

    Hehe :D It is awkward when people try and set you up with 'nice young men' or mention thigs such as marriage, which I am totally against in general anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That article is good and is quite useful for anyone with some type of secret to tell their family and friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive never told my parents im bi probably never will. When all my friends found out no one was surprised so tht was really easy...telling my boyfriend was harder though
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    Lu_C, I hope your dad knows how lucky he is to have you.

    :) Thanks. I believe he does.
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