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pressured

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey not entirely sure if this should be posted here but basically been with this guy on and off since last july and we're trying at the moment to make a real go of it again. he really wants the physical side of the relationship to be resumed straight away but im not comfortable yet cos last time we slept together he hurt me by saying he didnt want a relationship after though he knew that was what i wanted. ive explained all this to him and apologised if it feels like im pushing him away. he said he understood and then said i could make it up to him by sleeping with him. i really dont know what i should do sorry to be a pain.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he's after one thing and one thing only. So don't give it to him until you're sure it's going to be PART of a relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just dont want to push him away. all i want is for him to be happy but then again i dont want to end up pregnant and he hates condoms and im not on the pill yet
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just dont want to push him away. all i want is for him to be happy but then again i dont want to end up pregnant and he hates condoms and im not on the pill yet

    If he likes you and honestly wants a relationship then he would wait until you felt ready. The fact that he has heard your concerns yet is still pressuring you into having sex with him tells me that he is only interested in sex and he is an absolute twat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    If he likes you and honestly wants a relationship then he would wait until you felt ready. The fact that he has heard your concerns yet is still pressuring you into having sex with him tells me that he is only interested in sex and he is an absolute twat.
    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    If he likes you and honestly wants a relationship then he would wait until you felt ready. The fact that he has heard your concerns yet is still pressuring you into having sex with him tells me that he is only interested in sex and he is an absolute twat.
    Totally agree.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yup, Defo sounds a "Twat" !
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks i just keep feeling its my fault cos in my past theres stuff thats made it difficult to get close to anyone in this way and he knows that but then again he goes im with him now and not the person who hurt me before. i just dont know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you've been hurt before you come from a position of weakness, and that can easily be exploited. It sounds like he's exploiting you, to be quite honest.

    If you don't want sex, you don't have sex. If you want to use condoms, you use condoms. If he tries to blackmail you into doing anything else then he is using you, tbh, and it isn't your fault that he's a twat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TBH I'd dump him now and find someone who has more respect for you. The fact that it's been on/off for sometime tells me that this isn't going to be ma lasting relationship and so why not just cut your losses now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TBH I'd dump him now and find someone who has more respect for you. The fact that it's been on/off for sometime tells me that this isn't going to be ma lasting relationship and so why not just cut your losses now.

    :yes: :yes: :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like a twat to me too. He wont use condoms!? Would he prefer you to get pregnent? What an idiot....I would ensure your happiness before his aswell. It does sound like he is after one thing but if you want to give him a chance then give it to him. If he blows it again - dont give him another chance, hell just use you. Dont have sex with him until you feel you are ready. He cant make you do anything you dont want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all your advice

    Jenni30-I think he may want a child cos he has spoken about it before and hes five years older, but he knows I'm not ready yet and wont be for a good few years yet so I dont know

    he said that theres always morning after pill but i would rather avoid having to use that if i possibly can...

    I just really like him and maybe Im stupid for feeling this way when hes hurt me before but I cant alter my feelings...sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Him being a twat isn't your fault, and unfortunately won't immediately change your mind about him.

    Come up with your ground rules in your head, so whether you want to have sex with him, the fact you won't do it without a condom etc. Decide these before you see him and then don't let him change your mind.

    Remember for most men when faced with the no sex option, or sex with a condom, will suddenly decide the condom isn't so bad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't want to make a habit of taking the morning after pill, it's not a good option at all. Don't let him dictate what you should do - it's your body, not his.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. Sounds like you're quite a giving person. No one should be allowed to take advantage of that, as it is far too rare a trait anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just really like him and maybe Im stupid for feeling this way when hes hurt me before but I cant alter my feelings...sorry

    I don't think you're stupid for liking a man, but you need to have enough self-respect to say no to him if he is asking you to do things that you don't want to do.

    If he dumps you because you insist on condoms then he's a grade A cunt who isn't worth a second of your time anyway.

    As I said, if you want to use condoms you use condoms, and if you don't want sex you don't have sex. If he has any decent feelings towards you he will understand and wait; if he doesn't understand and doesn't wait then he clearly doesn't care that much about you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hes totally exploiting you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    'Suggesting' you use the MAP just so he doesn't have to use condoms is one of the more selfish and uneducated things I have heard when referring to sex with your 'partner'.

    What a twat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    didnt you only have a pregnancy scare recently as well?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    'Suggesting' you use the MAP just so he doesn't have to use condoms is one of the more selfish and uneducated things I have heard when referring to sex with your 'partner'.

    What a twat.

    Exactly.

    Especially as the MAP is only about 85% effective when taken immediately, dropping to about 50% effectiveness after 72 hours. The MAP is not contraception, can cause damage to your body, and is a serious and expensive hassle.

    Your "partner" really is expoliting your lack of self-esteem, it really does upset me to see young women being so bowled over by some nobhead. You're worth more than that, and whilst you can't help your feelings towards him, I really hope you find the self-esteem to say no to him. Having no boyfriend is infinitely better than having one who only wants to use you for sex, and only wants sex on his terms, paying no regard to your mental or sexual health.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    didnt you only have a pregnancy scare recently as well?

    yeah i did, luckily i wasnt pregnant

    thing is i find it hard to say to no to him cos he just keeps pushing-i mean ive said no to him before and we just ended up sleeping together-i know its probably all my fault and i should be stronger but i dont know how he'll react
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    'Suggesting' you use the MAP just so he doesn't have to use condoms is one of the more selfish and uneducated things I have heard when referring to sex with your 'partner'.

    What a twat.

    Amen.

    The crux of your post is that he's pressurising you. That is NO way to go about trying to build something meaningful with a woman you truly respect, so I smell bullshit on that count. Ideally you would get shot of him ASAP but even if you do want to pursue him and the vague promises of relationship territory that he's giving you, well you still shouldn't sleep with him until you're good and ready. It's a difficult one as if he's determined to get you into bed he may well be willing to wait and then still treat you like shite afterwards, holding off is really no guarantee of better treatment when a prize tosser is concerned.

    Put yourself first, think about your own feelings and don't do anything with this bloke without weighing up the consequences. Hope you manage to figure it all out :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about you if he will react badly to you putting your foot down. The more you say the more certain I am that he's using you and taking advantage of you. He clearly does not have your interests at heart, he is only after what he can get from you.

    For now he's getting what he wants because you're too scared of being dumped to stand up to him. It saddens me to see that- the man who you deserve will not force you to do things that you do not want to do. He doesn't care about you at all, he only tolerates you whilst you give him the sex he wants, how he wants it and when he wants it. That's all he's after from you, and you're sacrificing your health for something that isn't really there.

    To be blunt, if he loved you he would do as you ask. He doesn't love you, and no amount of sex will make him love you. I suspect that he barely even likes you. If you can understand that, understand that the relationship you have with this creature is nothing, then you can understand that being single is infinitely better.

    All this man is doing is destroying your self-esteem for his own sexual gratification, and you need to have more faith in yourself to stop him doing this. No matter what you do he won't love you, so stop dragging yourself into the ground to try and force the impossible.

    It isn't a case of being stupid, many young women find it hard to say no to a man they decide they love, but it is a case of having some bravery and telling him your way or the highway. If he won't accept things that you want to do then he doesn't like you or love you, and grovelling on the floor won't suddenly make him start.

    This man's affections don't determine how worthy you are. This man is treating you like shit so its little wonder you feel like shit. He's destroying you, and you're too scared to stop him. That's not a fault of yours, but its something that you can do something about. Dump him- you're better off by yourself than with someone who is happy to hurt you for his own pleasure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just found out he was cheating on me aswell-guess that means there is definitley nothing else here-at least now feel i have a valid reason to end it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that HP. Its never nice to hear that.
    It doesnt sound surprising though unfortunately what with how hes been treating you anyway, but at least now you know the truth and can move on.
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