Problem with my best friend

Former Member · February 2007

We've been friends for about 2 and a half years and after 2 years or so we became close and became best friends. Though over the past 5 months or so, she seems to not want to be with me as much as she used to.

Last October she made some more friends at school, which is great but it felt like I was the one being pushed away to make room for them. It also felt like she would rather spend her time with them more than me. I didn't tell her this though as I didn't want to mess things up with us.

Towards the end of December things started to get back on track once nore, However, for about 3 or 4 weeks now she's made yet another set of friends. And once more she seems to want to spend more time with them than me, her supposedly best friend and also it's like I am being pushed away once more.

I have recently spoken to her about this and she assured me that we're still close and i'm still one of her best friends. But it just doesn't feel like it. Does anybody have any ideas as to what to do?

Former Member · February 2007

Sometimes people drift apart for a bit, then a few months later they drift back to you.

I'd either start taking the initiative to arrange things with her, or maybe get to know the people she's friends with?

Former Member · February 2007

I would love to, but the thing is when ever I ask her to meet up and talk, she never does. I can think of two instances off the top of my head and she didn't come and meet me once.

**helen** · February 2007

Hi ya Marcus,
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling hurt by the direction things are going with your close friend. It sounds like while she is off making new friends you're missing her and wanting to rekindle the friendship you so enjoyed before - no doubt you are feeling somewhat rejected and left behind. But it also sounds like she is just wanting to spread her wings and include you in a long list of buddies rather than just an exclusive twosome - from experience, I know it's tough, but the key is to not take it personally.

So in a sense, it could be the end of an era for your friendship, but this is a really crucial time too, as there's a danger that if you don't negotiate with yourself how you are going to move on from here, then it could be that the fun times you had and the memories and basis of such a strong friendship start to fade and be taken over by bitterness. So while it's perfectly acceptable to feel a sense of loss, and of course come here to talk about how you're feeling, it's also time to think about how things are going to get better for you.

Please don't be insulted by this as we're all capable of it, but could it be that jealousy is coming into play a bit here? This article might shed some light on your situation - especially the final paragraphs. It would probably be really healthy for your friendship with this girl if she thought you were more secure in your friendships with others. That way when you meet just the two of you, you are on an equal footing. You might find this article on making new friends helpful.

Finally, it's worth bearing in mind that friendships often go through cycles as Bri-namite mentioned before, and the key is to run with it and feel like the time you do have together is really valuable rather than just being a comfort blanket for either of a pair. Take care and keep posting

Former Member · February 2007

Thanks for the reply Helen. I had a read of the articles and you're right, I am just going to have to face the fact she wants to be with other people more than me. It'll be very tough, because I also like her more than a friend and she says she does too, but yet we still hardly talk.

Thanks once again

Problem with my best friend

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