If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
University has corrupted my friend :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, my friend went university, a certain Warwick University, and she's so... arrogant these days. It's really horrid, because we'll be out and 90% of the time it will be normal and nice like things used to be, but then certain things she'll come out with really mean things. She called me simple! She didn't even think - she genuinely believes she's better than other people now. 
It's really sad because she was a really easy going person - all my other friends have noticed it in her, and I don't know what's happened.
Warwick (apparently) has a reputation for snottyness, but... ugh. It's a fair few things she does, like if you have an opinion about something (particularly a film or a book - she does english and film) then she will have to tell you why your opinion is wrong. If she agrees in general, she will say why you don't understand the nuances and things, if she disagrees, she simply says you're not qualified to comment
. It's getting worse though, because whilst it used to be just particular things, now it's everything - I cringe when I talk to her incase she tries to act superior.
The thing is, her arguments make her sound intelligent, but she delivers them in a way like she assumes we are too stupid to understand, and it embarresses all of us because we know she's implying we're stupid (or sometimes actually saying it) - it's just so damned rude.
I mean, my friend drank too much at a party this weekend, and got rather ill (:p) and she said the day after that he couldn't handle her drink like her. I dunno. I know you get jokey comments but hers just sound a bit... superior. She puts so many things down these days and laughs at them like they're a joke, but not quite. It's quite subtle and hard to describe but I hope you get what I mean.
I guess I'm just posting out of frustration. She's still my friend, I just feel uncomfortable her calling me stupid in roundabout ways where (I assume) she thinks I don't realise she's calling me stupid.
It's really sad because she was a really easy going person - all my other friends have noticed it in her, and I don't know what's happened.Warwick (apparently) has a reputation for snottyness, but... ugh. It's a fair few things she does, like if you have an opinion about something (particularly a film or a book - she does english and film) then she will have to tell you why your opinion is wrong. If she agrees in general, she will say why you don't understand the nuances and things, if she disagrees, she simply says you're not qualified to comment
. It's getting worse though, because whilst it used to be just particular things, now it's everything - I cringe when I talk to her incase she tries to act superior.The thing is, her arguments make her sound intelligent, but she delivers them in a way like she assumes we are too stupid to understand, and it embarresses all of us because we know she's implying we're stupid (or sometimes actually saying it) - it's just so damned rude.
I mean, my friend drank too much at a party this weekend, and got rather ill (:p) and she said the day after that he couldn't handle her drink like her. I dunno. I know you get jokey comments but hers just sound a bit... superior. She puts so many things down these days and laughs at them like they're a joke, but not quite. It's quite subtle and hard to describe but I hope you get what I mean.
I guess I'm just posting out of frustration. She's still my friend, I just feel uncomfortable her calling me stupid in roundabout ways where (I assume) she thinks I don't realise she's calling me stupid.
0
Comments
And English and Film? Peh, Linguistics all the way!
Well according to the latest league tables York is 8th whereas Warwick is 9th. Always have that for backup I suppose.
http://education.guardian.co.uk/universityguide2005/table/0,,-5163901,00.html
It's really embarresing sometimes though, because what do you say? She creates a fair few awkward silences... Maybe it's just because I haven't seen her in a while, she hasn't seen us and has been away at uni and was a one off weekend. Though she has been like it before. Like I sid, she's ok normally, but it's like inside a new part of her personality has developed that just pops up without anyone noticing that will put down all her friends and call them shit, basically
i have a friend who's a bit of a snob and likes to rub in the fact that her dad has alot of money and her step dad also - we just ignore her
Anyway, from what you've said I don't necessarily think she now thinks she is better than you, she has just been taught how to argue well in an essay or a vocal tutorial, doing what is required to access the high marks, but seems to be applying that to real life which I can imagine is very annoying. You can gently tell her surely you're not comfortable with her doing that, it's no fun if she makes everything a challenge/competition like a tutorial is.
Alternatively you can find an Oxbridge person to put her back in her place
Next time she's like this just tell her to fuck off. And tell her she goes to uni in Coventry.
If one of my friends started being like this then I would ask them what they were doing, and if they continued to be completely arrogant then they probably wouldn't be my friend for much longer.
If that doesn't help, then you're best off spending less time with her. Someone who treats their friends as somehow beneath them isn't much of a friend.
A mutual friend who met him and lived with him 1st year uni also said she noticed a change and so did all the guys he initially hung out with and her ex bf.
It was really sad to let him go, but im happy without him in my life
And me. Ignoring her will give her more reason to act snotty, and if you say she's normal most of the time, taking the piss will soon bring her back down to earth
I don't know how I would react if one of my friends changed like that. Probably just take the piss and talk about normal stuff.
I went for an interview and was offered a place at Warwick but turned it down as I just didn't like the atmosphere and didn't want to be the token 'common person from a council flat' among all the private school snobs.
It's good of you not to drop her as a friend immediately - going to uni is a big deal and most people do change. It's nice to have a friend from home to keep a check on how you're changing and let you know if you're going off the rails.
I agree. She may not even realise that she's doing it. I have a friend who puts me down a lot and people have started to notice. Friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself and be there for you. Not bring you down all the time. Maybe remind her of that.
I think a mixture of taking the piss (when her hints that you guys are 'a bit stupid' are particularly ridiculous) and talking to her frankly about the situation could work well.
From what you said Shy, it's also struck me that perhaps she's struggling a little bit to keep up with her new found peers and so maybe feels the need to exert her 'superiority' onto her friends back home. :chin:
The thing is, most of us like to have intelligent friends who we can admire, but not arrogant ones who think they're always right. If I am on the right track with the above (maybe I'm completely wrong, but talking to her more about people she's met at uni might give away a few clues) then if you do decide to pull her up on her behaviour then you could maybe throw in a compliment (e.g I've always thought you're really bright, clever - insert relevant compliment!) or two to reassure her that it's not her intelligence that's at fault - rather the way she's relating to you and your mates.
Just be sure to pick your moment well, i.e not when she's just majorly pissed you off and you're spitting blood. Good luck and let us know how you get on