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I just need to get this stuff off my chest

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is just me saying stuff I'd normally say to a friend if I had one, but I've driven most of them away through my incessant moaning. I don't want to lose the few who are still talking to me so I'm gonna post this here and sorry in advance for it - I know many of you have real problems but that's one of my problems and I'm not making sense already but I'll just carry on regardless. One of my friends said the other day that unless I was gonna find a reason for being low or cheer up then she didn't want anymore to do with me. I'm liekly to get chucked off my statistics course because I haven't done any work. I don't know why I haven't I just can't I don't understand a word of it and no one helps me I spoke to my friends and they said it's easy someone with your ability should be able to do it in a couple of nights and if I ask for help they say you don't need help you're clever and laugh. I have no reason to be low like she said - I have a wonderful relationship with my family, we're not struggling to make ends meet, I HAD a wonderful relationship with my friends before I drove most of them away and I'm supposed to be talented. I've been predicted no lower than an A in my GCSEs - I have no reason to complain. Yet I do and I'm miserable loads I know I'm not gonna get what I'm predicted and I'm gonna disappoint everyone and they're all gonna say it's her own fault like my friends did about me getting chucked off the course. I feel like I'm moving backwards - I don't understand anything anymore - I can't concentrate and then I start crying - I am such a cry-baby I never used to be like this it's just me being weird I mean I cry if I drop a pen or someone tells me to shut up or something equally stupid.

I know I have absolutely no right to feel like this and that makes me feel worse - there are people out there - some on this site - that have real problems - i mean wtf is this? It's just some stupid teenager who can't recognise her own good fortune. I just feel like I'm hanging around waiting for death and I'm too much of a gutless freak to end it myself. I know that if anyone reads this they'll probably have a go at me for being so selfish but I know that's what I am - I hate myself, I see no reason to like me so why should anyone else? I'm a horrible person - I kissed my best friend's boyfriend while he was still going out with her and they still hate each other years later. I completely fucked up their relationship and it's all my fault cos I was too selfish to do be a good friend - I'm only out for what I want, me myself no one else matters I think I'm starting to deliberately push people away now because I don't want to hurt them like I did those too I just don't know what I'm doing and I've been rambling on for long enough, again sorry and hate me if you want to for this ffs I know that i do.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bet u feel better now dontcha?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no but seriuosly, that doe ssound like a real problem, kinda like everyone elses but with no obvious reason behind it. could just be a phase of teenage depression, who knows? i know this is easy for me to say now (god i feel so two faced) but go 2 ure doc. mine was sooo kind and i dont know why i was so scared in teh first place, and he'll probly giv u drugs and make u feel better. uh, um, ok ill go now. xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your struggleing with your work then you must ask for help!!! If they laugh and say you can do itthen tell the teacher that you can't do it without his/her help. I'm sure if they realise that yourreally struggleing then they will help you!!!

    If your teacher still refuses then go to your head of year and make a complaint! I doubt you would need to go that far because teachers are there to help you. thats whatthey are paid to do! Good luck <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; You'll do fine!

    I had an IQ test. The results came back negative
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't say "I know how you feel", noone does apart from you (& that is 1 of the shittiest things that can be said to you apart from "for heavens sakes, cheer up" or the patronising classic "life isn't too bad").

    Before you read on, I'm going to give you an honest opinion and I'm going to ask you to think about what I've said, you might disagree with me, but anyone else who has been through something similar to what I have been through and what (I think, from my own experience) you are going through would probably agree with me.

    Your "friend" who told you that if you didn't cheer up she'd leave you... how did it make you feel? If you were in her position do you think you'd say something so stone cold as to threaten your friend with abandonement if she couldn't come up with a good excuse to why she was depressed? You think that would help her? did it help you?

    I know it's harsh but, your friends should be there for you, especially when you're feeling blue and they shouldn't judge you because of this. Real friends should be there for you, no matter what and maybe the group of ppl you are hanging round with and discussing your problems with are the wrong ppl. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to leave them, just to maybe see if you've got another friend outside the group, or maybe a councillor or even a relative to talk to.

    I don't think anyone hates you, maybe some ppl dislike you, but hate is a very strong word. Don't let anything anyone says to you get you down, like my friend Ben would say "if I'd listened to everything ppl had said to me, I'd never have left the house this morning".

    As for your course, I don't know if you're GCSE or Alevel, but your grade predictions were good. It's really shitty when you can't understand a subject. I was always like that with maths and chemistry, it's like "whoa the class is moving too fast... help meeee", and then the teacher thinks you aren't trying because you didn't get the result those "privalidged students" got. It's a really crummy situation which makes you feel crap, but remember that teachers are there to help you and he/she shouldn't mind if you have a word with him...

    But even if you do get chucked out of statistics, it's not the end of the world. There are loads of subjects and careers paths to take. You'll probably find that you'll enjoy another subject more (I dropped politics for psychology & I love it) and you'll make new friends.


    Everyone has intelligence, but sometimes it's kinda hard to use, like when you're looking at a magick eye and can't work out what's behind it, if you got predicted all As then you can't be that thick.

    I think that maybe you could see the college/school councillor (it's not as easy as it sounds, but it's a step in the right direction) and have a word with your friends, tell them how the way they treat you makes you feel. Maybe you could have a word with a relative, or an understanding teacher.

    Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about your feelings, we all have them and we all get them hurt. There's nothing wrong with crying, who cares what other ppl think, they ain't worth even breathing on. Don't think that anyone's better than you either, why should you be any less than them???

    Please, take care. Maybe I'll talk 2 u on Yahoo! sometime or u can Email me if you feel down. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    Cu round.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chickadee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    What has been said before me is absolutely spot on, some excellent advice there, I would add that you see your gp again or see another gp (based upon previous experiences) to me you reading what you have written I'd say you note some classic symptoms of depression and are in need of medical attention as soon as possible. You could also try [url="http://http:www.depressionalliance.org"]Depression Alliance[/url] which have excellent information as well as a very supportive forum and chat room.

    take care
    Luk

    I think it's because I'm clumsy
    I try not to talk to loud
    I think it's because I'm crazy
    I try not to act to proud
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    ((((((((((((chickadee)))))))))))))

    right i know im talking to you at the moment... hehe im still gonna reply though coz im mad like that.

    dont think yours isnt a real problem, like other people said it sounds like youre depressed, ive seen other posts by you and thought the same thing. i dont rememebr if youre seeing a doctor? if you are and s/he's not helpful, then try seeing another one, its surprising how different they can be for the same problem, its all about how comfortable you feel with them, and again, their repsonsiveness. anwyay try another one if your current one isnt much help.

    i know how you feel about the work. at the moment i just cant make myself do anything, i cant motivate myself and i know i need to do some work or im gonna do badly in my last exams, its stupid to mess up now coz ive done most of my exams and only got 6 left out of all my modules ive done. but i dont really understand the human geography, we're doign industry and stuff now and its hard ,esp when im in a class with this girl whos obsessed with it and answers the questions instantly and she sits right next to me. its wlel intimidating! i cant concentrate to read it for very long, i just cant take it in and it sdoesnt really mean anything and i feel like tearing it up. i know im capable of it though... ve been predicted an A for geog, A/B for bio and B for chem. ( a levels).

    but i felt more like you feel last autumn, everything was getting too much for me. i was behind on my geog coursework, my teachers actually wouldnt help me, and i was getting desperate, not doing anything else because i thought the geog was more important, but i couldnt do it, and the more i couldnt do it the more upset i got by it. i got ill because of the stress in the end and had to take loads of time off (my teachers that dont know are still giving me a hard time about it now, but i dont wanna tell all th nasty patronising ones or they a) wont believe me or b) will make fun). everythign made me feel like crying when i couldnt do it.

    in the end i had to go and see my teachers about it and one of my parents came with me and we saw the year head too, eventually it got sorted out, my teachers are still crap, especially this geog one thats a total bastard, so mark youre wrong when you say teachers shuold help you, mine doesnt even after a meeting with the year head and my dad and me! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif">! one of my chem teachers is equally bad now. luckily i have one helpful one so if i dont get somethign in my practical i just look busy till the next lesson with the other guy, theres no point in trying to reason with the first one, he just humiliates me and its awful.

    so i guess its worth talking to your teachers, my bio ones were lovely abut it and i didnt have to do one piece of coursework i was mega behind with and didnt even have proper results, and theyve given me extended deadlines and less work when i was erally stressed. and it helps if your year head knows too, he can keep an eye on a teacher if theres anything un-helpful and un-teacherly going on. anyway ive gone on about work long enough.

    thats really awful of your friend to say that to you, its just not somethgn you say.. youre supposed to be there for your friends to support them when you need them, and be there to talk to, not just offer ultimatums like that <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    youre not a horrible person, no one here hates you, if you dont feel you have people to talk to in your life, we're all here on the boards and on yahoo <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; i talk to my friends on here more than i talk to my "real friends", coz most of them dislike me strongly. (not hate hehe), it doesnt bother me much anymore. i know i can get out of there soon and never have to see them again. but im gonna stay in contact with my friends here more than i willl with most from school, i mean my best friends are on here, some of whom ive never evne met. and i cant imagine being without the site, apart from it being like an addiction, if you ever have a prob you know immediately where to go if you cant talk to anyone else about it or want lots of opinions or something.


    anyway ive definitely been rambling on loads ... i think your problem is as real as anyone else's, and youre entitled to rant about it as much as you like <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    you could find its just a phase youre goign through, i mean last autumn i was crying almost every day when i got home fro school and sometimes having to stop myself in school too. i know the cause of that, it was stress from my work and everything else building up... you just have to tackle these problems, i felt so stupid sitting there telling my year head i couldnt cope and the same when i talked to my other teachers and had to ask to be let off certain bits of work... its worth seeing the doc though, i mean hopefully hell be able to help you medically, but he might be able to note it on record that youve bene to see him with depression/stress, and thats like a back up if teachers start being funny. thats what my year head recommended to me (although i never did go because i was put off by the last time i mentioned anyting stress related to, but i know there are a few docs at my surgery i could see if i had to).

    anyway i hope you get it all sorted out soon, take care! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;


    It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks everyone for your advice - I just wanna say that it wasn't a cry for attention - please don't think that.

    My head of year doesn't help - my mum went to see her <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif"&gt; a few years ago cos she was concerned about me being demotivated and nothing got done or said or anything.

    Liberty and GfM - what can I say? Thank you for everything - it was a great help reading all you said - you even managed to cheer me up a bit! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"&gt; It's good to know it's not just me over-reacting. Oh and I know I'm talking to you now Emma but this is what I want to say but I'm not being able to!

    People are trying to persuade me to go to the docs and get help and I think I'm becoming more convinced, I just.........dunno what it is holding me back. But thank you all *sniff* you got me going again! Seriously I'm really touched by you all wading through that illegible post at the top and going to so much effort to give me good advice. Thanx.

    (((((((((((all of you))))))))))
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    its okay, thats what we're here for <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    i know ive made enough illegible posts with no paragraph breaks as someone's so keen on pointing out, and just rants basically, and people have helped me, so i try and help them too sometimes <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    my parents are convinced that once they go and see teachers everything will be immediately sorted... its not made any lasting difference to the way my geog teacher treats me thuogh and i dont think theres any point goign to see about chem guy, esp not now, i just have to put up with him. *sigh*

    just think, at the end of the summer youll have whatever results you get (try and lower youe expectations of yourself and then you wont be too gutted if you dont get all As.. i know how you feel though, im a total perfectionist and i was well upset by my B in maths, and that was only 5 mrks off an A as well! theyre only gcses as well, after you get to 6th form it doesnt really matter, apart from to you. if anyone else has a go at you for not getting straight A*s, then stuff em!!! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">), and you wont need to go there again. i expect youre gonna go and do A levels, not sure if youll go to the samecollege 6th form like i did, or a college... which i wish i had done! shame there wasnt one closer. but it does get better eventually <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
    i know ive made enough illegible posts with no paragraph breaks as someone's so keen on pointing out

    Chick'ee, what can I say? It seems that the star posters have already said everything. I hope you can get it sorted. It seems that like me you're looking for a bit of direction in life, and have yet to find it.

    Best of luck,

    Your one and only Turtletoise


    And all the grown-ups say is sorry, cos we got no reply.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right - sorry for dragging this up again, but it's an update for anyone who can still be bothered wading through yet more of my ramblings <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    And I did thank Turtle just in case you think I didn't - we talked on yahoo so don't think I'm ungrateful cos I really appreciate the replies everyone made.

    I went to the docs today. She doesn't think it's "depression" cos it varies so much and it's not all the time. Plus there's no reason for it. She wasn't really sure about it at all. She'd rather 'explore the psychological aspects of it' than put me on anti-depressants because she says that's not getting to the root of the problem. Plus she's not sure it would be right for me since it's not straightforward "depression". (Sorry for all the quotation marks - it is a kinda depression but not.....oh it's confusing)

    So she's going to see if the resident psychologist can deal with me - she's an adult psychologist and my doc isn't sure if I'd be ok, being 16 and all.

    If the resident psych can't deal with me then she's going to send an application for me to go to some pschologisty place in a nearby town and talk to someone there. The application will take 3 or 4 months to get processed <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    I told her I'm having trouble with work - GCSEs very soon <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; She said that was interesting how I'd changed from being an obsessive workaholic to an apathetic lazy goodfornothing (not her words), but she didn't offer any advice. So I can't do anything and I guess I'm just gonna completely fuck up all my exams. I kinda care that I don't care if anyone gets that.

    Anyway, enough from me I think. I'm gonna tell my parents soon <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    {{{{{{{{Chicka}}}}}}}}}}
    Good luck with the psychologist. I'm pleased to hear your gp didn't just stick you on Ad's then send you on your way <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">. You'll probably find a pyschologist helpful, as I understand it Psychologists have moved from their methods which used to really upset me (hence I walked away from it) to a cognative therapy environment, so gently try to change the patients thought patterns, not in a nasty way. I'd tell you more, but I'm still waiting for an appointment myself... oh well I'm sure I'll hear in the next couple of months, I've only been waiting since before Xmas <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; though I happen to live in an area where the head of psychologial services is a real jobsworth, more interested in figures than people <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    Good luck with your treatment {{{{{Chickadee}}}}} speak to you soon
    Luk

    ~ If you can see the beauty of whatyou aspire to, it doesn't matter if you achieve it all. Simply to aspire is no mean achievement ~
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    woah chichadee ure so lucky!! mine just stuck me on prozac and i hav to wait like 6 months for a counselor. o well. but yeh hey u did wel im pleased 4 u <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    {{{{{{Claire}}}}}}

    im sorry i missed this post sweetie <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    you sound a lotlike me, i stress out really loads and i had this really bad spell around christmas and then i sorted a few things out, i got better. the doc didn't stick me on ad's but refered me to a councellor. went for a consulation before crimbo. went on the w8in list, and im starting regularly next week. hopefully this will sort out a lot of my inner issues that i have refused to resolve over the years.

    hopefully it will do the same for you too.

    Good luck babes <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;



    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    chickadee, im glad youve been to see the doc and everything and youre gonna get it all sorted <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; ((((((((((claire)))))))))))

    good luck with talking to your parents about it <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Burn baby burn!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (((chickadee)))
    Im glad that u went to the docter I think it was a big step to have atken and definatly the best thing u could have done. I was a mess at school and fucked up all my exams so I no how u r feeling and why u r worried,. What u have to say to yourself is that u r more important than exams at the moment. U probably think thats silly but honestly its not then end of the world if your exams r fucked up for now because u can always resit and do it later. Its much more imortant that u r sorted out first, just keep that in mind because stressing over your exams will make everything much worse for u and u dont deserve that. I hope that things work out ok <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    If its any consolation I am back seeing a psychologist, my appointments at 3;15 today <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; and Im really nervous. I keep thinking that I shouldnt be doing it coz I have a baby now and thats more important. Anyway, its much better that u get things sorted out now rather than later in life when u have other people to care for as well, good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lolly:
    If its any consolation I am back seeing a psychologist, my appointments at 3;15 today <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; and Im really nervous. I keep thinking that I shouldnt be doing it coz I have a baby now and thats more important. Anyway, its much better that u get things sorted out now rather than later in life when u have other people to care for as well, good luck!

    {{{{{{{Lolly}}}}}}}} You've been and gone from your session by now, I hope it went well. Take care {{{{{{Lolly}}}}}}
    Love Alxx

    ~ If you can see the beauty of whatyou aspire to, it doesn't matter if you achieve it all. Simply to aspire is no mean achievement ~
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks everyone <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    It's such a relief having you guys here to talk to - I'd go mad and get so much worse. I used to kill myself bottling it all up inside.

    You've made me feel better about not being on ads (took me a while to work out what you meant there! lol). I kinda wanted them cos I thought it would be faster and maybe make me do better in my exams cos I wasn't so stressed. Now I see that it really is better to sort it out like this and, thanks to lolly, that the exams aren't THAT important.

    (((((((((((Lolly)))))))))))))))

    I hope your appointment went ok. Let us know how it was yeh?

    (((((((((((Lolly))))))))))))))))
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i DO know how you feel i felt like that the whole of year 8 i was just down all the time and i never felt like being happy i dont know it was a weird feeling.My freinds stuck with me through it though i'm suprised they did coz i was a right bore.I had like a weird feeling inside aswell knida like empty missing sumthin i dont know bout u but thats how i felt.Speaking to my from teacher helped me and also talkin to my mates.I cryed alot too i also got behind in my work aswell.Just thought id tell ya youre not the only one! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    Sex is evil,
    Evil is sin,
    Sins are forgiven,
    So lets get stuck in!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Glad u r a bit happier knowing that u dont have to bottle up your feelings and that u can always come on here <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    Thanx u two for the hugs <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">, I dont wanna take over Chickadees topic so Ill save u from reading my shit!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    {{{{{{{{{{group hug}}}}}}}}}}

    I missed this first time round & nearly missed it 2nd time round too, I'm glad you posted your update Chickadee. I'm glad you had the courage to tell your GP, I hope it all works out.

    j9
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    r u feeling better now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My guess would be that chickadee is definatly not feeling any better... ((Chickadee))
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