Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Suicide? Good way out?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
if u had of asked me this question a couple of months ago then I woould have replied 'wheres the shotgun?' but I am kind of getting past that now, not completely but past it a bit. Im not a whinger and I dont like telling other people my problems because I dont wanna impose. Ive had severe bad luck with females, and the only thing I am looking forward to is university.

?

I never said I loved you...
However I will fuck you...
until someone better comes along!!!!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Dark Knight:
    if u had of asked me this question a couple of months ago then I woould have replied 'wheres the shotgun?' but I am kind of getting past that now, not completely but past it a bit. Im not a whinger and I dont like telling other people my problems because I dont wanna impose. Ive had severe bad luck with females, and the only thing I am looking forward to is university.
    ?

    Keep the hope and desire for university there it's something very important to have is hope.

    Suicide is a hot bed of emotions. Whether suicide is right or wrong society, psychological and psychiatric proffessionals will be debating to the end of time. Society will never understand the mind of a suicidal person.

    I myself have been there manytimes before and still go there at times, last year alone I attempted suicide 5 times, and have more than once been self harming where the desire to go to my wrists has either been there or actually carried out.

    I have struggled to try to understand what suicide is. I know it's more than the classic definition of being legally defined as an intentional act of self-destructive committed by someone knowing what he (or she) is doing and knowing the probable consequences of thier act. Although it's more than that I personally can not put my finger on what it is.

    The one thing I do know is that when someone gets to such a point in their lives where they are actually considering or acting out suicide it is a seriously traumatic point one has reached in their lives with potentially tragic consequences.

    There are places to turn at such times, when life spirals so overwhelmingly out of control:

    I've rambled on, I can recomend a book I've been reading on it's called:

    Suicide the tragedy of hopelessness
    by David Aldridge
    Jesica Kingsley Publishers
    ISBN 1 85302 444 9

    I'd just like to finish this post with a quote from the book, by the psychiatrist Diekstra.
    The grim bottom line therefore is that suicide, in a double sense, will prove to be the death of the future

    Luk

    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    DK, never feel that you're imposing by telling us your problems here. chances are, someone's been through what you're going through, or knows of someone who has, and can provide good advice and/or professional help like the helplines luka posted. we're here to help remember <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    ive been pretty depressed during my time at secondary school, due to problems with friends and bullying and stuff, and i almost changed schools in year 9. ive felt like suicide at some times, throughout some of that, and in my A levels when ive had a lot of stress which hasnt been helped by tonnes of other factors. my ex boyfriend helped me through this at A level though, and i realised killing myself would have an effect on him, and i didnt want to hurt him, or my mum and family, so i decided it wasnt gonna happen.

    just think of all the people who you would hurt by killing yourself. you may not think its that many, i certainly didnt. but obviously my boyfriend, and my family. and my close friends on the internet. and think of everyone else who would turn up to your funeral, and maybe cry a bit. people you know from school, even if you dont get on with them , they would still be upset to learn you were dead, especially if they thought they had driven you to it. a lot of people would miss you if you were gone, people you wouldnt have thought of.

    and how would you do it? each way has problems, one of them being pain. and do you have ready access to a shotgun? and there are always the dangers of it going wrong and you being left severely disabled, which would be worse than just living your life. all in all, i dont think its worth it. but there have been times in my life where i have thought it was.

    but the point was, i had hope, i was looking forward to small things, like the end of courswork, the end of term. and the end of A levels completely, when i could be free of all the people who didnt get on with me (god that makes me sound like a right bitch, no one liking me! lol), free of all the hassles of teachers and my coursework, for months in the summer. and of course there's the hope at uni that i'll enjoy my course more, meet more people with the same interests, and make lasting friendships and meet blokes too!

    so things WILL get better, i know they never seem like they will at the time, but they do, i promise you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;


    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I ges suicide is never a good way out.

    I've been suicidal b4, and when ur like it, u cant see past the next moment, you can't see that ur life is ever going to get better. But if ur strong u can stick it out, and if u stick it out, you will look back and think, i'm so glad i never did it.

    I'm glad 2 hear things r gettin a bit better 4u now, i hope they get even better still <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    The more sand that escapes through the hourglass of time, the clearer we should be able to see through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I appologise in advance for this post.

    Some people say suicide is a selfish way to die. IMHO I think it can be a corageous act, things have to be complete hell when life gets to a stage that it's easier not to live.

    I myself have been depressed for as long as I can consciously remember, I would say 8 years old but a former psychologist would say when I was 3 years old following repeated sexual abuse at the hands of my god-parents son.It has always haunted me the thought of being forced to perform oral sex upon this callous asshole, and the fear of the memories of being anally assaulted. 11 years later when I was 14 I was raped in some local woods, and this for me was the finish of what little sanity I may have had, and is especially raw in my mind right now after recent events.

    For as long as I can remember I’ve done stupid things to hurt myself, even threw myself through a window on at least 2 or 3 occasions.

    When I was at school I was heavilly bullied and put into situations that made me very uncomftable. to the point where during an English class when I was 14 I picked up a pair of scissors and tried to hack at my wrists, to be slapped into detention and told to grow up. From then on the next few years were torment in my mind but suicidal tendancies drifted from my mind.

    It wasn't till I was about 18, the throwing myself against walls and doors and such like began again. When I left sixth form after a particularly unpleasent bit of bullying from a teacher I went to college and would comute on the train. in the november of 95 I was coming home from college on the train and lost it completely I opened the door and stood in the doorway about to jump, I have no idea what really stopped me, but when I got to my station I ran str8 into my best friends shop and cried on his shoulder, he strangely had an eerie feeling that something was wrong with me all afternoon before I'd even seen him. I got myself into strangling and attempted to hang myself repeatedly, I broke down to my parents in the April of 96 shortly after my birthday, who sent me out to stay with my penpal for 2 weeks that summer. For that summer things were good.

    Things started getting bad again when I went back to college to repeat the previous year I'd fucked up. This time I decided to move out of the home to get as far away from my abuser who still lived next door to my family home as possible. It wasn't too long before my self destruction started to spiral out of control again.My suicidal tendancies returned. I ended up in a wreck on the floor of my GP's surgery crying my eyes out, a few short hours later I was in the chair of my local psychiatrist terrified, he was going to hospitalise me which just made things worse.

    In the January of 97 after a particularly bad xmas and new year I took the whole months supply of medication I'd just picked up that day. I was comatose for the whole weekend. I recovered quite quickly. That was the last time I was like that, untill my depression hit me even worse back in May of last year.

    As I said earlier I attempted suicide several times last year, even whilst in psychiatric hospital of all places. My last overdose resulted in the police and ambulance kicking my door down, and taking me to A&E. The worst part was having dozed off, being woken up for my 2 hourly blood test, to see a face that I recognised, it was a friend I played darts with, I'd forgotten she was a nurse in my local A&E, that was shortly before xmas.

    If I honestly was asked do I still feel that way, I'd have to say yes on occasions, recently has been one of those occasions, despite a fabulous week with my beloved girlfriend. I am holding out for Thursday when I meet up with my comunity psychiatric nurse and find out what's going on. I do feel guilty for feeling like this knowing what it'll do to my family my closest friends and more importantly my beloved. I have to keep trying to convince myself that it's the illness and not my rational feelings, but don't regard it as selfish, sometimes a necessary action to resolve a lot of pain.

    I'm sorry this has been so long, the point I guess I was trying to make was don't ever feel alone, although when suicide is a serious option you are generally at a point of complete and utter despair and lonleyness, just remember there are organisations that I mentioned in my post earlier today taht you can turn to.

    Luk



    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    even though im going off topic here....
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LUKA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((luka))
    I just wanna say that I dont think suicide is selfish even though I have been on the other side when 4 of my mates done it (well actually 5....but I wasnt really close to one of them). Its easy to b angry at them for doing it and I felt that way for a while but having been suicidal myself, and attempting it a few times in the past, i can understand both sides.
    I just wanna say that when u r at the point of killing yourself u r so convinced there is nobody that selfishness dont come into it. I understand that and I no longer feel my friends were selfish for wat they done... they really did have nothing in life, its a sad fact but its true. But Luka, u do have something, u have everyone here for starters. U r a lovely caring person and the world would really be missing out if u wernt around, I hope next time u get so low that u wanna take your life u can remeber that and maybe itll help u feel just a little bit better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((((luka))))))

    I can't even begin to imagine how all that stuff would make me feel if it happened to me. I think ur a very strong person, and i respect u 4 tryin 2 get on wiv ur life. U have a gf and lots of friends @ thesite.

    Sometimes it's hard to remember the past, but u just have to keep going fwd i guess.

    The more sand that escapes through the hourglass of time, the clearer we should be able to see through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (((((((((Luka)))))))))) you don't have to apologise for any posts you make, you're saying what you feel and thats what everyone does on thesite.

    I'm glad you made that post cos it gives me some insight into my friend..and hang in there Luka cos you know we all love you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    {{{{{{{{Luka}}}}}}}}}

    You are such a selfless person, you've been helping me & I've completely ignored how you are feeling right now.

    I feel so guilty for "abandoning" you for the last couple of days, even though it wasn't my fault.

    You know that we are all here for you & will always support you (as long as we know). Don't ever feel guilty about your feelings, you know where they come from. {{{{{{{Luka}}}}}}}

    j9

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks everyone for your kind words, just felt my first post hadn't done me justice on this subject. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"&gt;

    Just thought I'd add a recent event at another site I use where a fellow user has lost her battle with depression and took her life over the weekend. I can totally understand her thoughts and feelings that led to her taking her life. But I have seen the reaction it has had on the other users. One of them being my dearly loved girlfriend who is so scared that I might leave her in a similar situation, and having to make a post to others about what I've done. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    sorry for rambling, just irrational fears & ramblings ... oh well onwards and upwards....

    Luk

    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
Sign In or Register to comment.