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letting go of the past
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok.
i have something in my past which is niggling me. I was bullied, had a fcuked up family life and no friends, and basically i had a really shitty childhood. I just want to let it go, but i can't coz i feel like its part of me. I feel like it's holding me back and i can't be the person that i want to be because of it. I want to be a better person and i feel like i can't.
I know a few you have painful experiences in your past, and i really want to get over this, so how did u do it or does it never go away? i dont really know who i am. well i do, but its not the person that i was before all this happened. I am a horrible person and i am scared of what people think of me. I am a perfectionist and just want to do well in life. i put work before everything and i can't have any fun anymore.
oh god i dont want this to happen again.
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
i have something in my past which is niggling me. I was bullied, had a fcuked up family life and no friends, and basically i had a really shitty childhood. I just want to let it go, but i can't coz i feel like its part of me. I feel like it's holding me back and i can't be the person that i want to be because of it. I want to be a better person and i feel like i can't.
I know a few you have painful experiences in your past, and i really want to get over this, so how did u do it or does it never go away? i dont really know who i am. well i do, but its not the person that i was before all this happened. I am a horrible person and i am scared of what people think of me. I am a perfectionist and just want to do well in life. i put work before everything and i can't have any fun anymore.
oh god i dont want this to happen again.
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
0
Comments
Im one of those who u could say had a dodgy childhood and as a result had a pretty fucked up life untill about a year ago or so. In my oppinion u never get over your past or ever stop thinking about it at some point in your life, but u can learn to deal with it and accept it. I no for me Ill always carry it around with me and itll always be there but Im using the chance Ive got now to learn ways of dealing with it an accepting it so I can get on with my life and not be affected by it anymore (Ive been referred to a psychologist again, didnt tell any of u this yet but now u no!). I had the chance to sort myself out when I was in hospital, but I wasted my chance and dischrged myself when I could have used the time to sort things out. As a result I came out worse than when I went in! This time though, Im definatly up for it and Im gonna try my best to work with this bloke Im gonna be seeing in the hope of finally coming to terms with some of my past shit!
Maybe u should take the chance and deal with wehatever crap is haunting u. U will never get over it or come top terms with it unless u face it and accept it. I really hope that u can get it out in the open and talk about it, its the only way u will get over things in my oppinion. Goodluck and we r all here for ya!
youre definitely not a horrible person. i know a few people who think like that and think everyone's better off without them, which isnt the case at all.
it sounds like because of whats happened to you in the past youre suffering from depression and a lack of self esteem. all i can think of is going to a professional counsellor, and maybe cognitive behavioural therapy might be useful, but i dont know much about all of this. talking about this and how to move on might help you let go of this and let it just become a part of your past and not a constant part of your life, affecting every aspect of it as it is now.
i hope you can sort all this out, you're a good person and your friends and everyone here are lucky to have you, and dont you ever think otherwise! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
Letting go of the past is hard isn't it. I used to be scared to go to town by myself because I was bullied so bad and I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year ago. I had a shitty childhood too because I have laxable joints which made sports harder and also led to me having a scoliosis (a curve in the spine & sumthin else 2 be picked on about). <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
The reason why I had trouble letting go was because I blamed myself for the past and believed that things would stay this way forever. I admit I still have trouble trusting people and I bet that every person on this site has something about themselves that they don't like (even if they won't admit it). <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Just remember that your past doesn't exist anymore and don't let those bastard bullies get the better of you by ruining your life. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (I didn't think so at first <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">) and forgetting your past will also make you stronger.
I've had a crap childhood (if you can call it a childhood), plus family and health problems, but councilling and anti-depressants have helped me realise that my past is in my past and I shouldn't feel bad about it because it doesn't exist anymore.
As for you being a "horrible person", I really can't see you in that light from what you've experienced. You seem like a caring person who's kinda self-concious, I don't think that makes a horrible person and I'm sure lots of posters will agree with me (right guys?).
(((DRIFTER)))
Take care,
LIBERTY
Letting go of a trauma is a very difficult thing. Because the past can't be changed it adds to the hurt. Dealing with a traumatic childhood and adolesence is something that with a lot of hard work and time. When I was in hospital last year the only honest shit I heard was from one of my 2 allocated nurses who said that it will probably take years for me to get back to being the Alan I should be, I can still hear her voice and see her face in my head right now. But you have to believe how ever faded there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That light is a distant glimmer but it is there.
I would see your Dr for a referal to see somewhine who can help you more effectively. As GFM sugested seeing a psychologist for CBT, which is a very intensive but effective therapy, also I would suggest you try ad get in touch with your counsellor, and give it another shot. It will be hard and can;t be rushed, you know where we can be found if you need a shoulder to lean on. If there's anything we can do to help just ask. Take care my friend
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Drifter}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Luv
Al
I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk to loud
I think it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act to proud
i think i'm just being really emotional @ the mo. I don't want to see my gp, i cant talk to him, eveything has been unsuccessful with him, i spose i av lost faith. i have had two councellors that have fallen thru, and i dont want to start another 1 coz i dont want to drag everything up bcoz b4 it only made me worse b4.
I know im in denial and its not the way to be, but my life is so busy @ the mo wiv college etc i dont have time to deal with this emotional stuff.
lolly if u don't mind me askin, y r u going to c a psychologist?
in the words of dido - i just want to feel safe in my own skin, i want want to be happy again.
Thanks again every1, im tryin to deal wiv it! i luv u all <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
*thinkin positive* <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
Yeah me too!!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Drifter}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I know exactly how you feel cause Iwas bullied for 90% of my school days and I ended up hating myself! It tortured me for a year or so after school cause the bullies got away with what they put me through at school!
I started to get over it and began to feel better about myself until I got mugged and then it all came flooding back to me and I felt depressed again.
I started to feel allot better about myself when Emma came along and I thought everything was gonna be ok! But for no reason what so ever I've just started to hate myself again over the past few days as a couple of you know on here. Sorry for being a burden and moaning to you guys!!!
I just feel like nobody likes me but deep down I know its not true. But thats how I feel.
Sorry, I'm straying off topic lol.
Anyway, I don't think there is anything I can say to make you feel better but what I can offer is a virtual sholder to cry on cause I know exactly how you feel!!! My yahoo ID is x_keep_rollin_x and my ICQ number is 37748691.
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative
i was talking to my mum earlier on about general lack of self esteem and people hating themselves due to various reasons and not acceptng any compliments or believing anything nice about them, coz a lot of people i know lately all seem to be like this all at once and i just wondered what my mum thought about it all (we often have discussions like that, shes interested in loads of health matters and watches all the health channels and reads mags and stuff). and she said it sounds like a case for the good old CBT. if anyone has experience of this id like to know more about it, im sure someones posted about it before, i think it was luka but i dont know where it was. cognitive behavioural therapy for those that dont recognise the acronym.. to change the way you feel about yourselves and improve your self confidence and body image. from the sounds of it it sounds a really valuable thing for a lot of people i know to go for, to help them get over the past and the way they feel about themselves.
i hope the people im talking about (most of whom should read this) get overall their problems with themselves, it gets me down seeing people i like and people who i love depressed <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> same as how when theyre happy that makes me happy.
((((((((((((((((((depressed people)))))))))))))))))
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
Drifter I understand that with it not working out with two counsellers in the past u wouldnt wanna try again, but I think that u should give it a go. It can take ages to find the right person who u can feel comfortable to talk to. Ive seen a load of counsellers/psychologists etc etc and not felt able to work with them but I do this time. Its sometimes just a question of looking around and also letting yourself get helped, like u say about denial, and u cant sort anything out unless u face up to whats ging on.
Anyway, u asked about me seeing a psychologist. I was referred back to a hospital, but out patient this time, when they heard I was pregnant. I guess they all freaked out about me being a mum. I thought it wouldnt be such a bad idea for them to check up on me and stuff, just incase I did end up going down hill. Also I think there is stuff I need to sort out now I have the chance. Ive been having a psychiatric nurse visit me through my prgnany and also been seeing an eating disorders team coz they thought Id loose it when I put on weight being pregnant lmao! They just offered me the chance now Ive had Liam to see this bloke and get all my crap out and sorted and also talk about why I do the things I do (or have done in the past!). Im gonna give it a go and hope it dont mess with my head too much, cant have that now Im a mum can I!