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weird situation

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Presently I'm at college half way through completing an Access course in English Literature. My class/tutor group is quite select in size and is made up of people of varying ages. There is one man in my class who is about forty odd. For arguements sake let's call him WTF ARE YOU ON man. Anyway, WTF man in question seems quite grumpy yet to me he has always been friendly. I'm an EXTREMELY shy and quiet person, so much so speaking in class makes me go shaky with nerves. When I say something in class he actually asks me to repeat it again and he's just generally nice to me. I lent him a book of war poems for his English project in the past.

Just a normal class room relationship right? Anyway as I'm leaving class with my two friends who are talking he catches me up and we just chat about the course. Meanwhile my friend is walking off in the distance and WTF man is telling me how much he wants to read something I've written. Which yes admittedly seems a little odd but I don't automatically think he wants to make me his adolescent bride. Anyway my friend is still sauntering off in the distance so I call her name and tell WTF man I have to catch up with her for lunch and leave.

Now today at college after Maths (I have to repeat Maths..eurgh!)..I am walking out of the building with my friend who then leaves. I see WTF man so say Hey and ask him what he thought of Maths. He then goes into one 'Sometimes you make me feel uncomfortable, it's like you're scared of me. The other day you cut me off in conversation and ran off to meet your friend. I'm not trying to get my leg over! You're young enough to be my daughter and I'm old enough to be your dad for Christ's sake!'. Genuinely taken aback I say, 'I didn't mean to appear rude and I don't think anything like that! I was catching her up to eat lunch with her'. WTF man shaking his head 'Nah there's something more to it then that'. Still pretty shocked at this conversation 'There isn't'.

A car approaches in the car park so I make my exit. WTF man calling in the distance, 'Have I upset you now!?' So I reply 'No I am going to the loo'. (First thing I could think of..) So I make my escape to the library feeling pretty upset, annoyed and confused.

I don't mean to make a fuss and although yes I did think he was a bit strange showing such an interest in me I just assumed someone had blabbed about my dad dying and he wanted to act fatherly or whatever. Who knows. Any advice would be helpful. Truthfully, I am upset right now and anyone can say that I am making a fuss over nothing. Yet I've made no fuss. The only fuss is I'm hurt and confused and just feeling blargh. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno how old you are...but my suspicisions are that he's a friendly nice guy, who sees you're shy, BUT he's worried about what other people and you will think he's doing talking to a younger girl?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 20
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me like he is just being a friendly bloke. He's probably just really paranoid because everyone is so sensitive and worried about paedophiles at the moment and he probably just feels a bit strange being class-buddy to an attractive young girl at a college, in case people start spreading rumours e.t.c.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    It sounds to me like he is just being a friendly bloke. He's probably just really paranoid because everyone is so sensitive and worried about paedophiles at the moment and he probably just feels a bit strange being class-buddy to an attractive young girl at a college, in case people start spreading rumours e.t.c.

    I'm pretty much with pill'ed here, but you should know, I told ya my opinion on msn. Yeah, it might be a bit uncomfy, but you on the other hand you are 20 years old and I think you can handle a friendly middle aged man. He is not really acting suspicious imho and just want to be "in the cool gang" and show that he still has a fire in the stove :D

    Just be friendly, it's not like he asked you out for a cup of coffee or invited you and if you can just say you are not really comfy with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are 4 other girls in my class that are my age and it was like he was accusing me of being attracted to him. I feel grossed out that he even thought that I would think that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    There are 4 other girls in my class that are my age and it was like he was accusing me of being attracted to him. I feel grossed out that he even thought that I would think that.

    Well, that doesn't sound so nice, but a "I can safely assure you that this is not the case." could've solved it.

    I am not defending that guy here if he acts peculiar, but from what you told me, rach, it sounds like he's just trying to be a personable and polite collegue who 'tries to fit in' as well.

    Don't be so shy and introverted rach :) I know you are a sly old dog, hun, the shyness is still something I can't imagine you having. If he appears to be a nutter, you can still let him know, but for the time being, why grieve if their is a simpler solution. I know you can do it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    There are 4 other girls in my class that are my age and it was like he was accusing me of being attracted to him. I feel grossed out that he even thought that I would think that.

    Yeah but they're probably ugly so he's not worried about people thinking things lol, or maybe he just doesn't get on with them as well?
    Don't worry about it, he just sounds like a friendly man who's a bit nervous and paranoid about the whole paedophile thing, he may be slightly eccentric but harmless. If he does try anything then get him fucked over fast but I doubt you'll have any problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lol I don't know. I don't mean to sound paranoid but it really upset me. I felt like he was laying into me for something I haven't done. The way he was saying it, it sounded really accusatory. Being a shy person shouldn't warrant accusations like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rach, I'm gonna part ways here from what other posters have said - I think if he upset you and/or makes you feel uncomfortable, just stay away from him. You should follow your intuition here and not worry about trying to be politically correct or anything. Often our intuition speaks much more than we can verbally explain, and you shouldn't feel pressured into behaving in a way you don't want to because it's the "right thing to do".

    I have no idea what his intentions are and don't pretend to know them, but whatever they are he sounds like he's missing a bit of social skills tbh. Social skills should keep you tuned to the non-verbal language of others and therefore act accordingly. Another guy in his position would have realised he was making you uncomfortable and left you alone. While it's not his fault he may lack social skills it's not your duty to make him feel accepted either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. I've been thinking about it a lot today. All I can come up with is that someone has teased him about his friendliness towards me. I don't know. I don't think I've said anything to make him think I am scared of him and I certainly haven't gossiped with anyone about my initial thought of him being a bit strange. So no idea really, I just hope he doesn't bring it up again. All I can do is tell him he's wrong but he didn't exactly believe me last time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just an update if anyone cares :p

    Decided to speak to my tutor about it on Thursday and see what she can advise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe hes just got no experience of talking to women your age? He could have just been innocently making the effort, then got very touchy about the fact you walked off (regardless of the fact that it wasn't on purpose). He probably thinks you think hes a pervert or something. I mean yeah he could be couldn't he. Slightly OTT on his part though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to go against the grane (sp?) on this one. This guy to me sounds creepy. There was no need for him to talk to you in such a confrontational mannor. No wonder you were taken aback! He's embarassed and upset you and you only wanted to be friendly to him. Maybe he lacks social skills or maybe he was trying to get a reaction from you, i really don't know. I'd be interested to hear what your lecturer thinks of this situation.

    If he says anything else, tell him that you are uncomfortable with the conversation and that you only ever assumed you would have a platonic relationship. If you feel that you need emotional support, try not to talk to him alone, have a friend with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    Rach, I'm gonna part ways here from what other posters have said - I think if he upset you and/or makes you feel uncomfortable, just stay away from him. You should follow your intuition here and not worry about trying to be politically correct or anything. Often our intuition speaks much more than we can verbally explain, and you shouldn't feel pressured into behaving in a way you don't want to because it's the "right thing to do".

    I have no idea what his intentions are and don't pretend to know them, but whatever they are he sounds like he's missing a bit of social skills tbh. Social skills should keep you tuned to the non-verbal language of others and therefore act accordingly. Another guy in his position would have realised he was making you uncomfortable and left you alone. While it's not his fault he may lack social skills it's not your duty to make him feel accepted either.

    I have to agree here. If he makes you feel a bit wierded out, then you dont have to be his friend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies. Like the mummy's girl I am..I talked about with my mum (after initially being too grossed out to mention anything to anyone). She says she has no idea what his intentions are but I don't owe him anything or an explanation of anything I do and told me to speak to my tutor and ask for advice cuz she might have had this type of thing happen before. Going to do it on Thursday. Just hope he doesnt say anything when I go back in. Our class is tiny and it would be majorly awkward.
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