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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    love to all, as always.

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do I stop thinking about cutting myself? I had a bit of an argument last night (person invovled is refusing to talk to me, which is probably a good thing) and can't stop thinking about this...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote: »
    love to all, as always.

    x
    Love to Janey :heart:.

    Sofie - is there any work you can do? Something that requires your full attention?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunately not. Handed in & completed all work on Tuesday.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah.

    Hmm...

    You could do my work ;).

    Kidding.

    Hmmmmmm....

    I don't know :(. I'm not good at distracting myself >.<.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is gross - I've just cut myself and some of the skin didn't come off completely, so I've just got marks on my arm and have some dead skin hanging off. (sorry for the graphic description!) Do I just leave the skin alone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    This is gross - I've just cut myself and some of the skin didn't come off completely, so I've just got marks on my arm and have some dead skin hanging off. (sorry for the graphic description!) Do I just leave the skin alone?
    Clean up - it will sting. Then I would suggest that you cover it to keep it from getting dirty.

    Slightly disturbed question but do you actually take layers of your skin off? I just kind of slice downwards. Couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

    As for taking your mind off it, stay on here and reply to every single new post. Your post count will go up and you'll be cut-less. ;) I know the feeling though. I'm having a shit time at the moment and the only thing stopping me cutting is knowing how disappointed my boyfriend would be. He loves me and accepts it but I don't think he could cope with the mental strain and would probably leave me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have, somehow, started feeling shit again.

    Every night.

    For the last week...except Saturday night because Rich was here.

    I hate living here. I hate it.

    Take me away from here :(.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bit of an update- cut/ more of a scratch, myself this morning, and made myself sick again. Feeling shit today too. I'm not counting again from today though, I'm just saying that it's a slip up.

    Franki- That's fine :)
    Marie- Thankyou- I don't know why I can't handle them, but it just triggers me.

    Someone mentioned telling parents, sadly mine saw and found out that way, my Mum still blames herself for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    I have, somehow, started feeling shit again.

    Every night.

    For the last week...except Saturday night because Rich was here.

    I hate living here. I hate it.

    Take me away from here :(.

    Hugs :)

    I've started to feel rather bad recently too, mine is due to stress though :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    crap crap day, don't know how to deal with it, going home tomorrow so I can't do anything in case my parents see. I just wish everything would change and I could be like all my friends who seem to always be having a laugh and enjoying everything so much. Sorry for moaning just needed to get it out I guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Loopi wrote: »
    Clean up - it will sting. Then I would suggest that you cover it to keep it from getting dirty.

    Done this. Always do this after cutting myself. (whether it was an accident or not)
    Slightly disturbed question but do you actually take layers of your skin off? I just kind of slice downwards. Couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

    Never managed to do that.

    I'm really worried now though - a friend of mine might find out about this (he knows that I SH) and will just have a go at me again.:( Although, he has confused me now - a few weesk ago, he basically told me that he couldn't stay away from me because I might slash my wrists and blame him for it (why he thinks I'm that stupid, I don't know) and on Wednesday night, he didn't seem bothered about this at all. He just blocked me and that was it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Marie- Thankyou- I don't know why I can't handle them, but it just triggers me.
    Triggers me as well, but home is a lot more calmer nowdays. A little slip-up is fine, considering the stress your under at the moment, you just have to not let ot put you off. Hugs to you as well.

    As for telling parents, I've been doing it on and off for six years, sometimes quite badly, and they still have NO idea I do it. Well they might have guessed by now, but they havent mentioned it to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As for telling parents, I've been doing it on and off for six years, sometimes quite badly, and they still have NO idea I do it. Well they might have guessed by now, but they havent mentioned it to me.

    It took me seven years to tell mine (and only then it was because I was going to be starting at a "day hospital" which would have been almost impossible to hide). It's a very hard thing to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have given up telling my parents. I used to tell my mum, but repeated angriness stopped me even giving any inclination. She has no idea that I've done it in the last 6 months. She thinks I'm "better". Even after she saw my more recent scars I managed to pass it off as something I'd done that she already knew about.

    Meh.

    I feel a little bit better today. History marks made me feel supershit for a while, but then I got top marks in Maths and that made me utterly happy :D. Kinda down atm, but that's because I'm tired and I know I have a mountain of work to face this weekend :(. Fucking IB.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents sort of knew, but sort of didn't. But then one day I took an overdose and my cousin took me to hospital who in turn rang my mum (I was 15 or 16 at the time) and thats when they found out about everything. They were devestated, but eventually sort of understood. My mum had problems similar in her past, and thought she could help, but actually made things worse. I had to tell her that she wasn't helping. It was something that we stopped mentioning. or that I avoided. Now, we still never mention it, but she saw recent scars on my legs a few months ago and asked about them (I slipped up, BIG style!) and I made another poor excuse, but she just left it, but I know htat she knows what happened deep down.

    It never gets easier. I didnt harm for about 2 years, then I did it last november, then haven't done it since, but want to again now. For no reasons as such, but reasons to me that just seem to make me sad. I hope that everyone works things out. Talk to people that you feel will understand and that wont judge you, ones that with time will understand that you need more support than another person maybe..

    I'm not sure i'm making sense to you all, but i'm trying.
    A really good distraction I found was crying and writing things down, as it tired me out so much I didnt have energy to do anything, but somedays it doesn't work,somedays nothing does, all you can do is try you best and if that isn't good enough, then you have to pick yourself up and try again.
    Good luck! x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't want my parents finding out about this. It was bad enough a friend of mine finding out the way he did (he read something I said in this thread a few months ago) mainly because of the way he reacted and the fact that he's accused me of wanting to slit my wrists...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I really don't want my parents finding out about this. It was bad enough a friend of mine finding out the way he did (he read something I said in this thread a few months ago) mainly because of the way he reacted and the fact that he's accused me of wanting to slit my wrists...

    You dont have to tell them or let them find out. I've managed quite well to keep it from them. Some friends dont understand either, they think that because you self harm your going to do something stupid. You have to try to explain to them about self harming but I know from experience they dont always listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You dont have to tell them or let them find out. I've managed quite well to keep it from them. Some friends dont understand either, they think that because you self harm your going to do something stupid. You have to try to explain to them about self harming but I know from experience they dont always listen.

    I had to explain to him twice and talk to a friend of mine before he actually believed that I wasn't going to do anything stupid if he stayed away from me. (I asked my friend how would I convince him that I wouldn't do anything)

    The annoying thing is the next day, he was basically like 'do whatever you like' .(as in, take a break from him or continue talking to him)

    He has now gone and decided that because I was pestering him on Wedneday (I was only trying to get some stuff off him) that he isn't going to talk to me. I have a feeling this is exactly why I ended up cutting myself on Thursday.:(

    Anyway, I got advised to clean the wound several times then just cover it. I did this (by using cool boiled water as I didn't any antiseptic was or anything like that) and put some medical tape on before going to bed last night. Woke up this morning and one of the cuts had gone all gungy and wouldn't scab over. So, anyway I had to go and get some savlon wash stuff which seems to have done the trick now. I think I need to cover it else it rubs against everything (or just wear t-shirts and everyone will see all the marks down my arm) so what is the best thing to cover it with?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Use a non-fluffy sterile dressing, such as gauze and micro-pore or a specially designed dressing - you can get these in a chemist. I think savlon do a good selection. Just keep it clean and don't use cotton wool or tissue or anything like that. Hope it heals and that you feel better soon
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Use a non-fluffy sterile dressing, such as gauze and micro-pore or a specially designed dressing - you can get these in a chemist. I think savlon do a good selection. Just keep it clean and don't use cotton wool or tissue or anything like that. Hope it heals and that you feel better soon
    x

    Which what I've been using but it goes all gungy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, sorry. Thats what I would use anyway, unless you feel able to go to a chemist or somewhere like boots and find another suitable dressing, they do some but I can't remember the name - I call them magic plasters as you just cover the wound and after a few days it usually gets better. It is just like a big clear plaster. Savlon do a range i think. Hope it is a bit better by now tho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. It is slightly better though. Had a shower last night and the scab just came off and went gross again. Does seem alright now though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Counselling tomorrow, and my tutor has 'asked' me to see Additional Support in college again :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Parents arguing again.

    If they start doing it regularly like they used to I won't be able to handle it.

    Just that one 5 minute argument almost made me cry.

    Too. Much. Shit.

    Mehhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    Good luck in counselling, honey :heart:.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Counselling tomorrow, and my tutor has 'asked' me to see Additional Support in college again :(

    Good luck.

    I'm still feeling like shit - been like this for nearly a week now.:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers Franki and Sofie.

    Sorry to hear things aren't good with you guys either :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Counselling tomorrow, and my tutor has 'asked' me to see Additional Support in college again :(

    Good luck with the counselling Kirsty.

    :heart: to you Franki. I know how much having you parents at each other throats hurts.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It would be alright if it was my parents. But it's my mother and that bastard of a stepdad that I have.

    Meh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been feeling down, just...shit really. I mean I've woken up recently feeling fragile, weepy. I feel like there's a lot of planning for my life I should be considering and it's not that it's not coming together as such...it's more I'm at a place in my second year of uni where I'm starting to consider what will happen next year and beyond and I've so many ideas that it's all getting on top of me. I also haven't the funds for all of this and so it's probably all a lost cause anyway.

    I'm also in a relationship which sometimes is awesome and perfect, and then my bf just changes his tune and I feel pushed away. I've been crying for the past couple days and I don't know why. I feel so low in myself. I mean, I know I've not gone out anywhere on my days off merely (yes I get myself that down about it) cause I've had two really obvious spots on my cheek. So I feel unattractive. Then my boyfriends insensitive. Then I look at June and thinks it's gonna be a whole bundle of mixed feelings. I'm going to America for a camp thing, my boyfriends finishing uni whereas I have another year, and so me and him are probably gonna end. I'm not really gonna see my family a lot before I go to America. One of my housemates who has grown to be one of my bestest mates will begin her gap yr in year 3 and I won't see her before she goes.

    I have work in an hour. I feel helpless and pathetic. I just wanna go home. I have thought of SH but it's a path I've resisted and I don't anyone to be aware of it so I have to resist seeing as my bf would see my whole body. I feel a mess. I wanna communicate with him but he's hard to pin down and spend time with.

    Grrr. :( :crying:
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