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Advice please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay this is driving me crazy.... I would really appreciate anyone's advice?
I've met this guy through uni who I really like. At first we got talking cause we were in the same place at the same time, outside the pub on the phone, and we just struck up a conversation. Since then I find myself bumping into him a lot, and we always end up chatting for about an hour at a time, on nothing in particular. Whenever we talk it seems like we have so much in common, he makes me laugh, I make him laugh etc. We're just on the same wavelength.
Anyway, I've recently got out of a crappy relationship, which dragged on and on, until I finally saw sense and ended it. The guy I was with was really bad for me, and I was really unhappy when I was with him. I really wanna ask this new guy out, but I'm scared that he doesn't see me in that way. He's told me all about his ex, who is still in contact with him, and he says she still texts him saying that she loves him and wants him back. He says that he doesn't love her, that she was really bad for him, and that he needs to get away from her or else he'll end up back and that's not what he wants.
So my question is what should I do? I like him, and I know he likes me, but I'm scared that if I take it to the next level and ask him out that it'll mess up our friendship. I'm so unsure of myself, and I know that means I must really like him - I'm not usually nervous around guys, but this ones different!
Help. I feel like I'm going insane!!!
I've met this guy through uni who I really like. At first we got talking cause we were in the same place at the same time, outside the pub on the phone, and we just struck up a conversation. Since then I find myself bumping into him a lot, and we always end up chatting for about an hour at a time, on nothing in particular. Whenever we talk it seems like we have so much in common, he makes me laugh, I make him laugh etc. We're just on the same wavelength.
Anyway, I've recently got out of a crappy relationship, which dragged on and on, until I finally saw sense and ended it. The guy I was with was really bad for me, and I was really unhappy when I was with him. I really wanna ask this new guy out, but I'm scared that he doesn't see me in that way. He's told me all about his ex, who is still in contact with him, and he says she still texts him saying that she loves him and wants him back. He says that he doesn't love her, that she was really bad for him, and that he needs to get away from her or else he'll end up back and that's not what he wants.
So my question is what should I do? I like him, and I know he likes me, but I'm scared that if I take it to the next level and ask him out that it'll mess up our friendship. I'm so unsure of myself, and I know that means I must really like him - I'm not usually nervous around guys, but this ones different!
Help. I feel like I'm going insane!!!
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I would say if he's talking to you for an hour every time he bumps into you then it isn't a one way attraction
If it doesn't work, there is still the friendship. It's a bit tricky for boys if they ask a girl out and get rejected (well, for many at least), but I don't think you have to be afraid of the friendship being ruined if you ask him out and he's just not up for it at the moment, because he would be a jerk to just let the good times you already had pass.
Ask him out, like I said, this is the time, and you'll regret it, if you would not... There are always the "what if...?" questions then.
you don't win if you don't dare.
I hate that part! But in this case it does seem the best way to go. If I've understood it right then you just keep bumping into him rather than making arrangements to see each other... well you obviously like each other or you wouldn't talk for so long (whether that's like as in fancying or like as in friendship is irrelevant), so there's no reason not to swap numbers and arrange to meet up for lunch/coffee/a drink/whatever. Then you just have to work out if he likes you as more than a friend, but the more you see of each other the easier that'll be.
I totally know what you're saying, and I have thought about asking him out. I guess I'm just a bit scared that although it might not strictly ruin the friendship, it will make it awkward after to see him.
Plus there's this thing with his ex. She's still calling him etc, and though he says he's not in love with her anymore, I think she had a few problems when they were going out (i.e. her ex-bf was a total fruit-loop and he had to almost rescue her from him) so he feels almost obliged to keep in contact.
I just don't really know his situation, and I don't wanna get involved if he's still caught up in all of that. But at the same time, I can't stop thinking about him, and you don't meet that many people with you can lose track of time talking to.
If I asked him out on a note, can someone pass it to him in class on Monday? :thumb:
I would love it if a girl who liked me asked me out.
Really? Having been out of the game for so long, i've lost touch with what you kids are doing now...?
In all seriousness, though, I'm not sure that he likes me in that way. We do talk for ages when we're together, and we've swapped numbers (as mates) but he's really bad at texting back. He does work in a club, so has screwed up hours, but I've been with him when his ex has texted him, and he texts her straight back.
Probably totally overanalyzing this, but that's just the way I am!!
It won't automatically be awkward just because you asked him out. Why should it be? After all, you're just giving him a compliment - "Hey, I think you're a really great guy, so great in fact that I'd like you to be the most special guy in my life."
I asked out a friend once (not a really good friend, just a guy I'd got to know and got on well with), he wasn't interested in that way, and that was the end of that train of thought - everything just carried on completely as normal. By getting it over and done with straight away I didn't spend hours wondering and analysing things he did to try and work out how he felt, and even though it wasn't the outcome I wanted it was better to know that than to put off asking him out and living in a fantasy world for a while.
If a guy talks to you for ages, spends his time you, swaps numbers, tells you his ex is a nut...then HE LIKES YOU!!!!! I'd say 99.9999999% if you asked him out, he'd say yes.
I wish girls would ask me out if they liked me. I cant tell if they like me half the time and I am so slef concious about asking a girl out.
I dont beliuve in guy has to ask the girl, girls take inititive!!
:yes: I wished girls asked me out.
The only times it has happen is normally about a week after a difficult breakup. :banghead:
Okay okay. I'm getting the general opinion from you guys that I should ask this guy out...?
Any ideas how? He doesn't really drink, but I guess I could keep it casual and ask him for a coffee? That way if he gets weird about me asking him on a date it gives me an out. :nervous: What does everyone think?
(P.S. If i'm sounding all schoolgirl with this (and I am) it's cause I like this guy so much)
What happens when you do ask someone out
Just anything, he won't care as long as it's time with you. Ask him to help you pick up manure in a field. In fact, my girlfriend before we were together, I used to go down and sit on the fence whilst she mucked out / schooled her ponies. (I did help where I could, but having little knowledge I was often more in the way than anything else. Can fill buckets with water tho
Coffee sounds fantastic.
Put in terms of "Will you go out with me" if you want. It wouldnt put me off.
just dont live in fear of the things you arent positive of.
nonono... If anything is awkward than that. Not necessarily awkward, but surely more awkward to just ask him out.
Do it casual in the beginning, grab something to eat with him. He should smell the rat if he notices you want to spend time with him and fancy his company. If you are attentive you can even tell how much he is into it (the convo, the idea that you have a snack together) and conclude from that.
I agree with IWS, at the end of the day you don't really want that it remains a friendship. There are really good signs right there and you really don't have to make a plonk out of yourself if you go out on a snack together and give him his number etc... That should really have him noticing what's up. make slow progression, but make any at all!
If(!) you are rejected, it is just awkward if you are awkward then. I recently told a friend/collegue of study of mine after hanging out a few times that I have strong feelings for her (turned out it was not reciprocated). I took it like a champ, and still chatted her up from time to time etc. Now it seems to be more awkward for her
anyhoo: gogo! don't waste any time and let him get back with his ex
"Hey do you fancy a drink tonight?"
"Ah sorry I can't, got some stuff on"
"No problem how was your weekend? ..."
It wont ruin a friendship, it wont be that difficult, it will probably play out just as you want it to.
To quote Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch, do it!
That doesn't give you the assurance tho, if he is really just busy, or if he is not interested, and that is doing heads in, majorly.
I was joking about the note....
If they are busy but interested they would say something like "I can't tonight but how about tomorrow?"
Its not going to ruin a friendship to ask someone for a drink - its not like your declaring undying and obcessive love or that you've had dirty drunken monkey sex a la my signature. Its just a drink (or cinema or whatever). Holding back and analysing every detail of the situation wont give you any assurance either.
No, I did not say that. I DID say to ask him out as well. I was just misconcluding your post, that it's to understand as "sorry I'm not interested." if you get a "sorry, I'm busy this weekend."
yeah...