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He is not attractive
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hiya, well my problem is this, I recently met a guy on the internet through dating ads. We emailed each other and had lots of things to talk about and had so much in common, so we decided to exchange numbers. When I met him in person he was very unattractive but was great laugh, nice guy and I just couldn't believe how much we had in common. Well I went to his place and we played around but I felt really turned off by his appearance and to be honest I felt dirty. Nothing to do with the sex but i couldn't belive I was doing it with him. A lot of people are gonna say im shallow but you have to be physically attractive to the guy as well as personality and if we did have a relationship (he is very willing) which I want a lot of people would tell me that I could do soooooo much better, but the thing is he is such a great guy.
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If you get on well then try and be friends, but don't string him along, don't have sympathy sex with him, and don't feel bad for not finding him sexually attractive. In time you may well find him attractive, but if you don't there's no point starting a relationship.
In the mid of your post I wanted to say I agree with you, but I had to add something, but what I wanted to add was already mentioned as well (the bold part).
Very often are people not physically attracted to their partner in the beginning, but that fades off after some time and in the end (or let's say into the relationship), they ARE attracted in them, just because those things may really shift.
If you are physically repulsed by him, because he's obese, or unhygienic, or has weird body odours or habbits or fetishes, then there is no point in leading him along tho.
In my view it's nothing to feel bad about. Every bloke isn't going to blow your skirt up with his dashing good looks and that's just the way it is. You can't be with someone you're not physically attracted to... or, at least, I can't. If you feel dirty about having sex with him, and repulsed by the idea of a physical relationship then I think that's all you really need to know!
However looks do play an equally big part... It's a difficult matter of finding that balance.
I'll also agree with Kermit and StrubbleS, it might come eventually. It's happened to me.
Just be honest to yourself... if you just want to be friends with him, you're going to have to tell him that.
But like people have already said, the physical attraction may still appear; so just cool it off a bit and see what happens maybe?
But then the problem is, you may have a spark with someone who is no good for you, while the guy you don't fancy would treat you wonderfully.
awakward situation but yea. maybe stay mates for a bit and see how it goes, i agree, you can find someone attractive later when now you don't- i've had that many times
good luck x
The thing is, being kinda balding and hairy, whilst not necessarily being turn ons, don't have to be turn offs either, if the guy's attractive in other ways and has the personality. My boyfriend is both balding and hairy, but he has the most amazing smile, is really intelligent, fun and comes out with the best one-liners in the blink of an eye-lid. I don't give a toss that he's losing his hair (it's not as if the poor guy can help it!) and quite disturbingly I now find hairy chests really sexy
But if some sort of chemistry isn't there from the start, there's not a lot of point in persuing. You can't make yourself like someone.
Ha, funny that isn't it... you get attracted to one guy who for example has a hairy chest when before you didn't like them that much, and then you decide you do like hairy chests cos you've fancied a bloke with one and on him it's attractive. (I secretly like them too
Feelings are very complicated :rolleyes:
Much too complicated.
Just think of us as fodder.
If you get to that point you'd know about it, and you'd probably know that you liked all of him, even if you weren't sure your mates would approve.
As it is, it sounds more like he's in the good friend category, so your decision to go with that sounds like a good one, and if you get to know him better and your feelings change then you can deal with that then.
xx
Hope he is mature enough to settle for friendship. Take care. xxx
That's the crucial part. They don't have to be Mr/Ms Universe, and it doesn't matter if no one else in the world finds them attractive. But if YOU don't find them attractive, you have a problem.
If they look like Stig of the dump on a good day, but personally you think they're the foxiest person alive, then you're onto a winner.
Sex is an integral part of any balanced relationship, especially in the initial stages of courtship.
I totally get where you're at in respect to simulatenously finding him unattractive and yet feeling the chemistry click in other areas.
You have a blast with him out of the bedroom right?
Stick with it then.
Worst case scenario...you'll end up friends.
Chances are though, you will begin to find other aspects of him
increasingly alluring as time progresses.
I'm the same way.
It's very rare when I met a man and feel instaneously insanely attracted to him. Ordinarily, it takes time to build, time to mature.
When I met my ex, I thought he was dead ugly straight off the bat.
It took an entire year, but it all fell into place eventually.
Don't lose hope.
And please...do NOT think you're shallow.
Good luck.
I'm not in woe over anything, I'm being realistic. Yes there are some people out there who don't look for a 'traditionally' attractive person. The majority do. It's unfortunate, but it can't be controlled.
I'll bet the guy mentioned in the beginning of the thread is most likely thinking "Oh yay, I'm talking to someone interesting, similar, and attractive. It seems like she thinks of me the same. Awesome! Weeee!"
I don't know about anyone else, but I'd hate to find out the reason some girl whom I get along with isn't going out with me is because I'm not physically attractive. It's not shallow; everyone has their likes and dislikes. The fact that it's not a controlled variable is... upsetting. Mainly because you can't change it. Ever. Even if you surgically do something, you're still are who you are. Oops. Where's the reset button?
(By the way, I understand the majority of this post is rhetorical, and most people don't care to philosophise about life in aspects like this one being discussed. I just find these kinds of things interesting.)
Girls however are attracted to how a guy takes care of his looks. Because this reflects on what type of person he actually is, how he lives his life. To some girls, if a guy is wearing white socks, hes lost the battle. So to be fair if you arent attracted to the guy, its probably his fault.
MD
Er, why? Different people have different tastes. She may not like you, but someone else will think you're sex on legs as well as getting along with you. Don't be so pessimistic.
Can anyone understand that?
Yeah i had a problem like that several years ago. Think it's fairly common.
I was jumped upon by what one supporting bloke called 'feminazis' who told me I was shallow and I should 'look elsewhere' for her beauty.