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gf problems, need a rant!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, this is my first post here, I just felt like I needed to get some stuff off my mind a little. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Basicly I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I love her to bits, but lately I've been getting more and more down about our relationship. She is the only girl I've ever been with and the only person I've ever had sex with. Basicly the sex has been very up and down throughout the whole relationship, I love sex with her but she seems at times very indifferent and sex will only ever happen now on her initiation, I feel like when I try to start something I'm just bugging her and that really she can't be bothered. I'm not worried about my perfromance, I'm just starting to doubt if she is actually interested in me that way, or if she is just happy to have me "there" as her boyfriend who she can introduce to her family and friends. I also don't think she has any desire to satisfy me sexually, at first I thought it was due to shyness, then because of previous bad experience, but now I'm starting to think that she is just selfish and boring in bed. Even though proir to getting with her I had no experience whatsoever, I've always been very eager to make her feel good and I know I do, but she doesn't seem to have this for me at all. For the first nine months of our relationship she had only made me cum (through something other than penetration) about twice. I wouldn't have lasted five seconds with her had that been my record I'm sure.
She tells me she loves me all the time, and I believe her I guess, but I'm starting to wonder if she loves me more like a brother or something. There are also other aspects of my relationship that coupled with the sexual problems are bothering me. We live together at uni, which is great, but sometimes she seems to think that we are married with a family or something. She tells me off for spending my money on "stupid things", has a go at me if I stay in bed too log (whch is very rich coming from her), won't let me take drugs and basicly scorns at me when I get drunk. I can understand her not wanting to take drugs, but I have been extremely depressed for a long time and they gave me release from that, I have now come off them for the most part and am on anti depressants but they make me very tired but of course she has a go at me for being lathargic.
Phew! Anyway sorry for the rant, I feel a little better for writing that down. Overall the relationship has being good, but I'm just starting to wonder if staying with her is really going to be good for me if I feel like this about her. What do you guys think?
Basicly I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I love her to bits, but lately I've been getting more and more down about our relationship. She is the only girl I've ever been with and the only person I've ever had sex with. Basicly the sex has been very up and down throughout the whole relationship, I love sex with her but she seems at times very indifferent and sex will only ever happen now on her initiation, I feel like when I try to start something I'm just bugging her and that really she can't be bothered. I'm not worried about my perfromance, I'm just starting to doubt if she is actually interested in me that way, or if she is just happy to have me "there" as her boyfriend who she can introduce to her family and friends. I also don't think she has any desire to satisfy me sexually, at first I thought it was due to shyness, then because of previous bad experience, but now I'm starting to think that she is just selfish and boring in bed. Even though proir to getting with her I had no experience whatsoever, I've always been very eager to make her feel good and I know I do, but she doesn't seem to have this for me at all. For the first nine months of our relationship she had only made me cum (through something other than penetration) about twice. I wouldn't have lasted five seconds with her had that been my record I'm sure.
She tells me she loves me all the time, and I believe her I guess, but I'm starting to wonder if she loves me more like a brother or something. There are also other aspects of my relationship that coupled with the sexual problems are bothering me. We live together at uni, which is great, but sometimes she seems to think that we are married with a family or something. She tells me off for spending my money on "stupid things", has a go at me if I stay in bed too log (whch is very rich coming from her), won't let me take drugs and basicly scorns at me when I get drunk. I can understand her not wanting to take drugs, but I have been extremely depressed for a long time and they gave me release from that, I have now come off them for the most part and am on anti depressants but they make me very tired but of course she has a go at me for being lathargic.
Phew! Anyway sorry for the rant, I feel a little better for writing that down. Overall the relationship has being good, but I'm just starting to wonder if staying with her is really going to be good for me if I feel like this about her. What do you guys think?
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Comments
In a loving relationship such things shouldn't happen. all I can tell you is, that you probably have a heart to heart with her and spill it all out. Make sure she pays attention and actually is responsive to your problems.
Sounds to me, she's a little bit selfish and looks out for her own good.
On the other hand she wouldn't scorn you for having a sleep-in or other things if she wouldn't care about you.
Moreoever do we only know your side of the coin, but without having a talk with her nothing will solve from alone, that's for sure.
I have a mate who's bf was so *duh* when it came to what he should and shouldnt do and she wrote him a huge email saying EVERYTHING and he just didnt realise. Now theyre sweet.
Good luck. Heartbreak is a bitch. I shall eat choco for us in our pain
Thanks everyone, your advice has been really helpful, its so nice that I have people I can talk to a little bout this stuff.
I think that comment about me starting to resent her is very true, I do a little and it's been like that for a while. I feel ashamed of myself for it, I know I need to do what makes me happy too but at the same time I do love her, and I wonder if maybe this is the trade off I need to make to make this work, after all not everything can go your way in a relationship.
As for talking to her, believe me I have, and I am normally good at putting accross how I feel and why, but I just don't think it would ever change anything. I have only mentioned this stuff a handful of times and months apart because I can't bear to see her upset likes she gets when I talk about it, I think I'd rather just hold it in and try and deal with it, but this just leads to me resenting her slightly. Its difficult .... but maybe just talking on here will help me feel better about it.
Any further advice would be appreciated, thanks again guys!
Do you want to make it work and be happy or not babe?