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So, there's this girl right...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
... :p

we went to secondary school together. Haven't seen her in over a year. We were best mates. I was her first kiss. It was all very lovely. But it's very much a case of her going down one path (going work) and me going down another (uni) and to be brutally honest I miss her like anything.

Maybe I'm remembering with rose tinted glasses but we used to laugh so much, we were almost inseperable. When I text her she seldom texts back, if I ask to meet up she says 'yea I'd love to what about this weekend' and I'll say yea let me know when / where and she doesn't text back again :(.

I know she's got a boyfriend now and seeing how me and her were at times 'friendly' (:heart: fond teenage memories) maybe he/she sees me as a threat, an unwelcome one at that. I really just wanna give her a hug and catch up and make sure this new fella is good enough for her.

I remember one time I was in a field and upset someone by accident, I got upset and started crying but all my friends left me except her. You never realise how much your friends are there for you until you're alone at university and nobody is there!

What should I do? I can't be sure whether she's interested in meeting up again or not, because she seems interested, only, just too busy. I've never met her boyfriend and don't know if I turn up at her house whether he'll get really defensive, so not a good move probs.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe she just feels like she's moved on. How about suggesting a time and place to her? If she avoids meeting up with you then you should probably just leave it though. I know it's hard when you leave school and people go their separate ways but unfortunately, that's just the way things are.

    My best mate from school went off to a Uni miles from mine, got a new female best friend who he then started going out with, and then realised that he no longer needed me in his life. It was hard to accept and I do still miss him but life goes on. I'm happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not made any new friends to move on with though :crying:. I've got other friends from college, and it was more thinking back to when the whole group of about 10 of us used to hang out, and that I hadn't seen her for ages, and that she was a really good member of our friendship group.

    I dunno, when I talk about her to my other friends they seem to remember her as a bitchy cow, but I knew her better than a lot of them. She wouldn't let anyone get too close incase they hurt her, suffered a lot thru school with her parents splitting and her being the pawn, then her mum seemed to prefer her step-dad to her, didn't make a lot of friends till she met us, and well, she was naive and I may have taken advantage at one point but it made me realise how precious she was.

    I dunno, probably best left alone really, she's with her new fella and is well happy :) they're gonna move in together soon (I sometimes get a small dialogue going, lol) and it's sound, cos she's lovely and she really deserves to be happy and none of the shit that loads of twats put her thru. Some guys once got her to do 'stuff' and were just takin the piss but she just wanted to be loved, and a lot of her friensd thought she was a slut for it but I realised she just needed to be hugged and looked after.

    p.s. by taken advantage I mean she wanted to be with me but I think that was because she was lonely rather than liked me but I went out with her anyway for a week (all fairly innocent, a small kiss and holding hands), none of this other funny business

    p.p.s. why do I care so much? :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You care so much because that's the way life is, especially when you're young (and that wasn't meant to be patronising - as I said, I've been there) and also because you haven't moved on. You've got our your rose tinted specs and naturally the world looks a brighter place through them. You need to focus on your own life and make new friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    KK! Well I sent off a text to this girl anyway checking up, but will make some more friends! :thumb:

    But I have an exam at 9am tomorrow. :(

    And 9am friday :(.

    But the weekend! FRIEND TIME :D

    Yea, positive mental attitude is the way to go :). Cheers loopi! Anytime you need a helping hand, you know where I am. I mean that, as in advice etc. or you know if your ocmputer breaks I can fix them :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck with the exams. And as it happens, my computer is broke but that's for another forum.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know, you come across as such a lovely person (she sounds really cool too) and I think she must have recognised that... It's lovely that you're happy for her, that is a sign of the purest caring in my opinion, that you don't appear to have a lot of anger about it. It shows that you have a big heart if that means anything.

    What makes you think she didn't like you and was just loely, maybe she did? And even if she did only love you as a friend your companionship must have meant a lot to you if she stuck by you that time, especially when your friends walked away.

    A lot of people put on a tough front if they've been hurt, but the fact that she let you get close to her and that you saw through a front which others percieved as "bitchy" shows what a kind person you must be and I'm sure that she holds fond memories of you because of that. You never know, maybe you really helped her in some way throughout her life and it was a stepping stone to her happiness.

    People do move on and maybe because shehas a boyfriend now she feels awkward about meeting up. Maybe she believes your intentions to be romantic, maybe she doesn't know what her boyfriend might think. Maybe she really is just busy and wouldlove to meet you, but has a lot of commitments.

    I think that some people are hard not to care about, when I first moved to university I found it quite difficult to let go of my attachment to people back home. Now I try to hold on to the good memories and the love and inspiration people have brought me and use them to (try) and make myself a better and happier person.

    I think it'd be good to make new friends (no idea where you live, but I can imagine London being a bit harder than some places). Are you in university?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm at university in York, which is a great place. :)

    So failed that exam this morning btw. :razz:

    Well, she did like me, but I felt like a lot of it was gratitude towards my friendship, because I'd been nice to her. A bit more clearheaded today, just got to see what happens really. If we ever meet up again it would be nice just to catch up, but if not well she's doing well for herself and I'm genuinely pleased because she did have a rough time of it.

    She was really clever too, and wanted to be an archaoelogist (cant spell) but her mum and step-dad said that going university was stupid. I couldn't persuade her tho, even tho she admitted she would love to go.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that its natural and common to think of what-ifs (and from the high regard you hold her in I think you do wonder what it would have been like to have been her boyfriend. It's even more common coming on the back of failed relationships with new people.

    I don't know how good an idea it is to meet up, ro be honest. Never go back. If she hasn't moved on from you (if she sees you as a "what if" who went on to better things) then it could open the scab. If she has moved on then things will be awkward.

    I think you should try and take the positives forward from her, and not look back to her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So she text me back and said coffee 2.30 saturday.

    That wasn't a bad result was it? Gonna see if any of my other friends want to come along. I doubt it tho
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hope things work out mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, it went really well I guess. We got on just like old times, which was nice because we had a lot to talk about and enjoyed each others company, but bad because neither of us are single now. At one point (I was saying how uni ws ok but not a lot of friends) she said she'd come visit me sometime and I said great. But thinking about it in retrospect, I'm scared if we see too much of each other we might end up... more romantic. I dunno, I could just sense the chemistry, it was like.. before a lightning storm hits. She even kissed me on the head at one point, probably without thinking. It's weird in a way, because we were good friends before and used to do stuff like that (not snogging! like kisses on cheek) without thinking, but I suppose we're older now and it's not really appropriate.

    So in a way it's a shame, because it made me realise the close friendship we had, well, we're not young enough for it anymore. We're both involved with other people and it's not seen as just a cute teenage thing anymore. But I did enjoy her company, and will take her up on her offer to meet her fella who she's chuffed about :) (but in my opinion, which I kept to myself, from what she's told me he's not that fussed... hasn't seen her in two weeks and doesn't speak to her, doesn't do 'bedroom' stuff anymore and when she asks why he just gets mardy).

    Met up with her sister too which was cool, it was just nice to be amongst old company again. A bit strange, like I said, because before we would happily tease each other, before sex was something that you did :p. I thought to myself afterwards, if I'd have made the moves, she probably would have gone along with it (not being arrogant, I could just tell). I was very disciplined though. But the scary bit is, part of me wanted to be flirty again. Nothing serious or sexual, just like poking her in the ribs and cuddling a bit too close, and of course the classic 'oops I fell into your cleavage'.

    But I'm confident if we can develop a new kind of friendship, we'll get along great. But not too great. I know this isn't my livejournal, I dunno, needed to give feedback. It's weird, because part of me was wanting the 'old' me, where I used to joke with girls (mainly her :p) about sex and stuff, but never ever did serious stuff. But now we've both grown up, and got partners, it can't be a joke anymore. So in my mind I kept reminding myself of that, and as a result was very restrained and the conversation was very... amicable. Talking about life and stuff. But we got on well anyway. I'm happy the situation I'm in now with my girlfriend and stuff. Just for a few hours made me wonder what life would be like if I was still young :p. Not that I'm old, just not a teenager anymore. If I say to a girl my age 'ah yea, lets have sex behind the bushes', take her behind some bushes and make exaggerated sex noises, it's not funny anymore.

    I hate growing up :grump:. Spose I'm old enough to drive a car though.

    Oh also, we went for a drink, then she took out her painkillers (cocodomol) for some health problems. Didn't realise. Was shit scared she was going to faint and die or something.

    Weird thing was though... I never once said anything about her smoking, but at the end of the day she said to her sister 'oh yea I'm giving up smoking after this packet' because she knows I'm not too keen on it. She admitted openly in some ways she's a lot closer to me than anyone she's ever known for some reason, like we're strangers to each other but not. A small part of each other's conscience perhaps, without judgement.

    It was good to catch up. Regained a little bit of what I like about myself :) and was proud that I didn't do anything at all that could be classed as unfaithful in any way shape or form. :thumb:
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Glad to hear things went that well! :) :thumb:

    You made me nostalgic for things I did as a young teenager though... And unlike in your case, there's no one I'd like to meet anymore. :grump:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've kind of stopped talking to her / about her now. I think any contact between us without other people there is going to get to my girlfriend, since we formerly dated. *shrugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dude you remind me of me,im going through the exact same thing,except she isnt at uni.
    ive been best mates with this girl for years and we were at one point extremly close (with the rib poking and hugs and all that stuff ).anyway i suppose we became so close it was inevitable i would start having feelings for her (as in more than a friend).unfortunately she didnt feel the same and preferred to stay best mates,anyway i still have strong feelings for her but we have become more distant now.which sucks cos i loved being the person she would come and talk to about stuff,she would even talk to me rather than her female mates and that meant a lot to me,anyway i suppose all that stopped when i told her how i felt.we're still great mates but i dont think we will ever be that close again.

    not much help i know but i know what its like mate
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm, she just text me tonight saying 'she needs me now'. At a guess, I'd say she's split with her boyfriend. :( I feel quite shit and I'm not sure why. Here's a question I know none of you can answer for me, but I need to ask myself: Do I have feelings for her? Because the hint that she was upset and my heart has just sunk like a stone. Maybe I just care a lot about her, more than I care about most people these days...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Phoned her, she was drunk, things aren't going well with her boyfriend, she wanted to make a nice romantic evening - cooked for him - but he wasn't too interested and she said the frustrating part is when she tries to talk to him about it he just blanks her i.e. doesn't even acknowledge her.

    However, during the course of her phonecall, she said she wanted to come see me at uni for a weekend cos the change of scenery would be nice. I would like to see her but... if she was sleeping over she'd have to sleep in my bed. And that's really a big no-no in a sense because we're both in relationships. But I know we'd not betray our relationships, it's a weird thing going on.

    :banghead: It's quite funny how the most obscure facet of your life can exert such a large influence over everything else. If I don't let her come see me, then I feel like I'm letting her down as a friend and would feel rotten, like I was a horrible person. If I do, then I feel like a horrible boyfriend, because it's unfair on my girlfriend to be seeing other girls. Of course, I would tell her about it first, but I know she'd do the meek 'yea of course' and really she'd be worried and it's unfair to put your other half in that position.

    The weird thing is though, this friend reminds me of a part of myself that has been a bit absent for a while. Certainly since I found out my girlfriend did the whole cheating thing. (we split, then got back together several months later). But even before then, I dunno... it's brought back a childhood innocence almost. It's good to feel young and carefree again. It's good to giggle!

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    :chin:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ugh. I can just tell I'm going to be tossing and turning all night worrying about this.
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