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BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Here goes:
I'm getting a little [ok very] cheesed off with the living situation at home. For the uninitated I live with my boyfriend (still not digging the whole "fiance" she-bang) in a two bed flat. About a week after we moved in his cousin got booted out of his parents' home (it is his cousin's 35th birthday on Saturday, for the record) and my other half invited him to crash at ours until he got his shit together. This was July 2006, might I add. Anyway this delightful specimen shovels half of Columbia up his nose on a daily basis, hasn't held a job since school, has serious mental health issues (as a result of the droogs I'd guess but who knows) and is a habitual thief. I don't mean petty crime.
Just personally speaking I have lost several phones, a signifigant amount of money, electrical goods etc. He has even taken my car out several times in the middle of the night (my keys are now very well concealed). I can't even begin to tell you what he steals from my fella, but it has involved bank fraud and four figure sums on several occasions. I feel badly because I know he needs help but I'm so frustrated I find it hard to sympathise anymore. He denies everything to everyone, sits there smoking a big, fat doobie with a massive grin plastered on his face - I would belt him one if it wouldn't cause so much upset.
This morning I woke up and he and one of my friends staggered out of his bedroom. It is a very marginal issue but he has also shagged his way through the majority of my mates - all loving losers as they do - and broken several hearts along the way. We all went out on the gay scene last night and I know a few pills were taken among other things. I have no issue with this but last time he cained it I woke up to find he'd pissed all over the TV, video, DVD cabinet and contained electricals while thinking it was the toilet. Obviously being "the lady of the house" I was expected to get on my knees and scrub his emissions out of the carpet. Unlikely, at best. He has also woken up several times stark bollock naked on the grass outside the Salvos in Byker, from where I have had to collect him. I would probably find all this hilarious if I didn't feel somehow responsible for him. Suffice to say he can't handle what he takes. This morning the scene of the crime was the linen cupboard on the landing -- which stunk of god knows what. I called my mate a taxi and me and delightful cousin went on to have a massive row. He has serious anger issues and I have witnessed him beating up several girls so he assumes that I am shit-scared of him which I'm not. I have however bitten my tongue up to this point. I told him I want him out by Monday and he [I suppose, rightly] replied that it is technically his cousin's [Stephen, my boyfriend] decision to make. At this point Stephen got his lazy arse out of bed and hmmed and ha-ed in the middle ground as he always does. I was - and still am - FURIOUS.
I left for work this morning saying that I'm not going back until Simon (the cousin) has gone. Part of me thinks I'm being a bit of a loon but I can't take the stress of him living there anymore. He needs help that we can't - and I am not willing to - give him. I would never grass him up to the police or anything like that but I need to take some action. I won't go back there until he has gone, he is the biggest tool in the shed and I don't need this shit right now.
I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for, I am just so frustrated I feel like I'm going to burst or scream or both and I had to get it all out. Thoughts?
I'm getting a little [ok very] cheesed off with the living situation at home. For the uninitated I live with my boyfriend (still not digging the whole "fiance" she-bang) in a two bed flat. About a week after we moved in his cousin got booted out of his parents' home (it is his cousin's 35th birthday on Saturday, for the record) and my other half invited him to crash at ours until he got his shit together. This was July 2006, might I add. Anyway this delightful specimen shovels half of Columbia up his nose on a daily basis, hasn't held a job since school, has serious mental health issues (as a result of the droogs I'd guess but who knows) and is a habitual thief. I don't mean petty crime.
Just personally speaking I have lost several phones, a signifigant amount of money, electrical goods etc. He has even taken my car out several times in the middle of the night (my keys are now very well concealed). I can't even begin to tell you what he steals from my fella, but it has involved bank fraud and four figure sums on several occasions. I feel badly because I know he needs help but I'm so frustrated I find it hard to sympathise anymore. He denies everything to everyone, sits there smoking a big, fat doobie with a massive grin plastered on his face - I would belt him one if it wouldn't cause so much upset.
This morning I woke up and he and one of my friends staggered out of his bedroom. It is a very marginal issue but he has also shagged his way through the majority of my mates - all loving losers as they do - and broken several hearts along the way. We all went out on the gay scene last night and I know a few pills were taken among other things. I have no issue with this but last time he cained it I woke up to find he'd pissed all over the TV, video, DVD cabinet and contained electricals while thinking it was the toilet. Obviously being "the lady of the house" I was expected to get on my knees and scrub his emissions out of the carpet. Unlikely, at best. He has also woken up several times stark bollock naked on the grass outside the Salvos in Byker, from where I have had to collect him. I would probably find all this hilarious if I didn't feel somehow responsible for him. Suffice to say he can't handle what he takes. This morning the scene of the crime was the linen cupboard on the landing -- which stunk of god knows what. I called my mate a taxi and me and delightful cousin went on to have a massive row. He has serious anger issues and I have witnessed him beating up several girls so he assumes that I am shit-scared of him which I'm not. I have however bitten my tongue up to this point. I told him I want him out by Monday and he [I suppose, rightly] replied that it is technically his cousin's [Stephen, my boyfriend] decision to make. At this point Stephen got his lazy arse out of bed and hmmed and ha-ed in the middle ground as he always does. I was - and still am - FURIOUS.
I left for work this morning saying that I'm not going back until Simon (the cousin) has gone. Part of me thinks I'm being a bit of a loon but I can't take the stress of him living there anymore. He needs help that we can't - and I am not willing to - give him. I would never grass him up to the police or anything like that but I need to take some action. I won't go back there until he has gone, he is the biggest tool in the shed and I don't need this shit right now.
I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for, I am just so frustrated I feel like I'm going to burst or scream or both and I had to get it all out. Thoughts?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
I am amazed you stuck it out this long.
He is a complte and utter waste of time. A criminal. An inconsiderate, disgraceful specimen of a man. I dont care what "mental health issues" he has.
You do damn right to leave, though of course you shouldnt be leaving, he should be.
I can't belive ur still with ur guy when he expects you to put up with this crap.
Personally, I think it shows a complete lack of respect and love for you for your bf to allow this waster to do what he has been doing.
You need to tell your bf its this tosser or you and if your bf still won't do anything, then you know he doesn't love you really coz he would never put you through all that if he did.
Its not like its his brother or sister or father or mother, that i could understand, but his cousin??? Its taking the piss hun, I am sorry.
If this guys is involved in serious crime, you could always shop him to the police as well. Tho risky I guess.
I can't believe he has had ur friends, how anyone would let this specimen touch them is beyond me.
We all have problems and issues and there is some shit we cant help which isn't our fault but this guy is taking the piss. I think he is perfectly responsible for his own actions and is compeletly irreprehensible.
Glad you shared hun.
I hope that your boyfriend supports you in this and it all works out
You just got to stick to your guns and make sure you don't go back there until he's gone. If you give in, he'll continue to abuse your leniancy.
I think that's a great decision to have made. It shows your boyfriend how seriously you feel about having Simon live in your home and should hopefully stop him humming and hawing about putting his foot down! And if Simon has the ability to think about anyone else for a minute, he should realise that his behaviour is driving a serious rift between you and his cousin, which would make any decent person make steps to find alternative accommodation. I don't know whether that's actually likely to happen or not though.
There's no way I'd have let him stay for that length of time without paying rent - and obviously since he doesn't have a job so no way of paying rent, he'd have been forced to leave ages ago. I can't believe you've put up with him for so long! I mean, family in need is one thing, but he's clearly taking you for a ride with no intention of trying to help himself or even look for his own place now his parents have got shot of him. It's just not fair and I think you've totally made the right decision!
Yeah. Well I took some stuff this morning and am going back to my parents' after work, if I have to see his face again anytime soon I'll wring his neck. He sent me a text after I left this morning asking if I still wanted to go for his birthday meal on Saturday. It's all a hilarious joke to him, of course.
Doomsday - as I said before I'd never, ever turn him in to the police, it's just not an avenue I'm interested in going down. I guess this is a kind of ultimatum time but I hate even thinking of doing that, it's a shitty thing to do making someone put their family out on the street -- regardless of what they've done. You say it's not his brother but to be honest [and unfortunately] they are like brothers. Since my boyfriend's mum died his aunt has been like a sub-mother, so it's made all the more difficult for him I know but I have tried to understand and understand and my patience is wearing very thin. The fact that his own parents booted him so that speaks volumes. As for my pals, well everyone loves a bad [read: feckless, disgusting] boy. They all learn in their own time what an utter pillock he is, I guess.
This is true. It could be a while though I predict. I'll end the relationship before I move back into that dysfunction, that's for sure, hard-faced as it probably sounds. I just wish he'd strap on a pair.
Rent? Hahahahahahahahaha. He robs anything that's not nailed down so unless you're his dealer the chances of getting any cold, hard cash out of him are slim to none.
As for being a "decent person", not at all. I think he'd like it all to go tits up for any and all of his family members and friends to be honest, that's his way. Deep-rooted resentment masquerading as loyal family friendship and all that bollocks, I try and stay out of it on the whole.
Thanks for the support though, you lot are fab. It's good to know I'm not a crazy bitch who is completely overreacting as certain people would have me believe :yeees:
Bloody hell !
Well you've definitely done the right thing in putting your foot down, but i'd of just waited for next time he left the house, changed the locks and told him to fuck off through the letter box, and if he still didn't get the message call the police and have him done for harrasment.
Which would be all well and good if her bf was 100% behind her. But he's not.
Briggi... you have the patience of a saint. This would be make or break for me as well.
Well as I said, it was just an option, not that you had to do it. But your family now, I mean you made a reference about being a fiance, that means if you are his fiance or will be, you'd be family.
Well if they are like brothers I guess its tricky, but the thing there is, they are like brothers, rather then actually being it.
As you said, it speaks volumes if his own parents booted him out. If they don't put up him, why shoudl you? or his cousin.
Its a bad, bad, bad[/B] situation and will only get worse. You need to get out while your still intact to be honest.
Well I dont get it, I mean there cant be such thing as natural justice if he does and acts and is so deplorable, and yet he still gets laid by goo dlooking girls and gets them to fall in love with him. Its not right.
Indeed. I don't like to speak badly of him but he needs to locate his spine, I hate feeling like the bad guy and to be honest I am generally not assertive in this kind of situation myself. But needs must and the pair of them have painted me into a corner where one of us is going to wind up dead if things continue. The daftest part being he has no problem asserting himself except with this cousin of his.
I kinda find it annoying too as we haven't actually lived together without our lovely third wheel, he has been here the whole time despite his vague, sporadic references to moving out (to Jesmond!!!!! which he could never afford in a million years unless he went on a serious crime spree). But that's a side issue
Just don't back down whatever you do.
Same as really. He sounds absolutely awful and well done for sticking to your guns
Eeeh fucking hell, don't get me started on that way of thinking! I know about their shady dealings of days gone by anyway so unless he's been playing away I can't imagine what blackmailing potential there is :chin:
Nikki & Rach that is as helpful as anything to be honest, support is gooood
sophia I know you're bang on t'mark as always, but there is no way Stephen will see him on the streets. I just know it. Loser.
Maybe this is one for Jezza Kyle to sort out.
"You, sir, are a disgrace", "Graham's on the show ladies and gentlemen" etc.
Waah, this is shit.
Sure, he probably means the arse end of Longbenton. :razz:
No seriously, I think youve done/are doing the ONLY thing you can do really.
Stephen HAS to wake up and smell the coffee. I hope hes not stupid enough to lose you over this. Is he nuts expecting you to be ok with it all, and how long is he expecting it to last??
You dont need this crap ever, but right now its even more important.
Making light of it is necessary I think. JK would sort him out nee bovva!
I suppose now I've made my move I'll just have to wait it out and see if he actually locates his bollocks, right? I mean, he knows exactly how I feel about it (and have felt for months) so I'm not going to say anything more to him about it.
I guess they can have a full and happy life together pissing on the furniture if he so wishes.
Miffy, even Longbenton is too good for this scrotum. He belongs in Cruddas Park, or the clink.
I think you have done right in issuing an ultimatum, and you need to stick to your guns. There comes a limit as to how much you can take, even with family. Our lodger was bad enough bringing all and sundry home for a good banging, but at least she wasn't off her tits on pills and drink. You've had far more patience than I, we chucked ours out on Christmas Eve.
You have forced the issue now, and your bf will need to choose, and I think that he will choose you. Really I think he just needs a kick up the arse to get rid of this deadbeat, but its hard when its family. Very hard.
I love you! That game is ace.
You're so right, I know, and yes now is the worst timing ever but it had to come to a head at some point didn't it. I don't know how long he expects it to last. He'll get up the courage to mention it and be spun a quick line about how he's looking for other places etc, and mr.gullible just falls for it hook, line and bloody sinker. HOW he will be moving out with no money is beyond me. He has no intention of going anywhere, and will probably be eating all my food as we speak and settling into my arse groove on the sofa. Grr.
I think he must be nuts though, or is hoping that softly, softly catchy monkey or that I will murder the cousin and bury him under the floorboards. I have no idea what is going through his head, and he hates talking about it anyway as I think he feels like I'm trying to make him choose. Which I guess I am, but I feel very forced into it. I didn't want it to come to arguments and ultimatums but I can't live with that guttersnipe anymore.
Sack that, this wasters own parents kicked him out.
I'm not saying he's right to not kick him out (because he isn't) but it isn't as easy as saying he's just a coward.
We put up with a lot because our lodger was family, albeit closer family, and that's what happens.
Definitely, I've played my hand now after months of hedging my bets [I do love a good metaphor] so we shall see.
The family thing does throw a huge spanner in the works. I think it's even harder to boot him because his parents threw him out, he really doesn't have anywhere to go. He has his clubbing/drugs crowd but none of them are going to be his best mate if he's homeless and doesn't have a nice source of income from someone else's bank account. I almost feel bad for him still, and I did feel huge amounts of sympathy for him for quite some time but there is no change or resolution coming from him. He'd happily rumble on like this forever and ever and I can't.
I think he'll side with you in the end. Can you not be pro-active and try and get him a bijou residence on the Scotchy Road?
My parents kicked my aunt out who was staying with them, and her only crime was not doing her share of the housework and being a continual pain in the arse. Point I am trying to make is that you are in no way being unreasonable.
I know you don't like the police idea, but if this goes on it's worth reconsidering. If he's got drugs on your premisis you don't want getting blamed for them.
xx