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my heads abit fucked up

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok,sorry for this thread guys...its more just to vent some stuff, because im siting here with alot of stuff going through my head.

sex with someone you love and care for......amazing? well,ive recently learnt that it is not as simple as that when you're single! whenever ive been in a relationship, ive never had mind blowing sex, but its been enjoyable by both parties, but now im single the sex itself seems better, more varied, BUT afterwards i feel cheap+useless. ive been used by a guy for sex, clearly+now whenever i sleep with a guy, i worry and panick he's going to do the same thing to me.....how do i get over this? i shouldnt be worrying about this, really? its making me feel so insecure about my sexual abilities, when in the past ive never worried.
ive always enjoyed sex, and for me the best bit has been giving the other person pleasure, but now i spend all my time worrying :(

is there anyone out there who's experienced this maybe? just so i know im not alone, and get some reassurance or advice?

L+C

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've experienced this, most girls I know with active sex lives have too at some time or another... as have some blokes I'm sure! I salute you for getting back out there and having fun, though obviously it ain't all grand if it's starting to make you feel badly about yourself.

    You sound pretty vulnerable if I'm being honest, and I'm not entirely sure that casual sex is quite the right choice at the moment but obviously you know best what you want. The sensible part of me knows that the thing to say is that if you're not up for no-strings fun then you should probably steer clear of sex with any guys whose intentions are unclear. However that is much more easily said than done, as a lot of men (and women for that matter) seem to be habitual liars when it comes to getting laid and the chase. I have heard some cracking lines in the attempt to get me or one of my friends in the sack. Some people really are shameless, and will shit a load of bull all over you like a dumper truck in order to get their end away. Stay away from them. If you happen to encounter users, wasters, low-lives etc then take it in your stride, you can only learn through your own mistakes at the end of the day. Move on and let the losers do their own thing!

    Either way, you really can't let the bastards get you down. There are so, so many good blokes out there who say what they mean and mean what they say when it comes to relationships, sex etc -- whether they're after fun or something more serious. It sounds patronising but you do really get better at picking the men from the boys, so to speak, as you become more experienced. As for recent events making you doubt your sexual abilities - please don't let that happen! Basically if a bloke is a pillock and going to use and abuse you then he will do so whether you're a filthy little minx with a million tricks up her sleeve or someone who can barely unlock their chastity belt.

    The fella you feel used you, was this in the context of a relationship or more of a fling-type thing? I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you let your guard down and you took the risk with someone who let you down. It doesn't make you any stupider than the other 90% of the population who have done the right thing, and you need to realise that it's not you it's him ;) If you let whoever this bloke is continue to dictate your sex life and the way you feel about yourself then you're letting him get the better of you. As I said, you took the risk with someone, which to me is worth it every time. Go forth and conquer :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aw, I can see how it's hard.

    You do get a lot of sleazy guys who just want to get a leg over, and I think you'll need to make up your own mind when you meet a guy as to what his intentions are. Whether that maybe means taking your time over things more or whatever (not meant to sound rude), or whether you need to go by your gut instincts.

    It'll be alright though, try not to worry too much. It's hard when it's happened before and you've felt used and it does take it out of you when they fuck off.

    But you're still probably as good as you were when you didn't worry about it - just make sure you keep you head up and don't let some sleazy twat knock your confidence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi and bri - you guys are brilliant, thank you so much. ive read what you've written, and thought about it alot, and you're both right! uve really brought my spirits up, so thank you!
    briggi, in answer to your Q, this guy was flirty, complimentary, affectionate, fun, always txtin etc, UNTIL i slept with him, then he's ignore me ever since. ive long since realised he got what he wanted, but i just felt stupid. i have this bad habit of getting too attatched to people :(
    BTW, sorry for posting in the wrong place
    L+C
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi, in answer to your Q, this guy was flirty, complimentary, affectionate, fun, always txtin etc, UNTIL i slept with him, then he's ignore me ever since. ive long since realised he got what he wanted, but i just felt stupid. i have this bad habit of getting too attatched to people :(
    BTW, sorry for posting in the wrong place
    L+C

    Don't feel stupid or humiliated by this bloke's actions, you did nothing wrong! You were just being yourself - open, loving, warm, and generous. HE's the one who should feel humiliated, for being such a user and loser. Maybe he does feel that way - that's why he can't face you and speak to you honestly, and instead is ignoring you. Though chances are he's just a total waste of space, consider yourself well shot.

    Don't let anyone make you feel bad about being a good person and developing attachments. You seem like such a sweetheart, I'm sure you'll meet someone worthy in time. In the meantime if you're looking to go out and have fun then it might work in your favour to be a bit less open. I know it's crap to recommend people to be a "cold fish" so to speak but if you want to have the physical fun then I think you have to protect your feelings in some way :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aww.thank you :) funny thing is, as soon as i realised what he'd done+let go of the hope that he actually liked me for me, then he started txtin again, but i put him in his place+basically said im a friend to you or nothing, im not going to be used for sex :D felt damn good, but was still a hard thing to say!

    its me that feels bad about getting attached to be honest - i analyse things too much, and when a guy i like shows an interest, then my mind goes into daydreaming overdrive :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok,sorry for this thread guys...its more just to vent some stuff, because im siting here with alot of stuff going through my head.

    sex with someone you love and care for......amazing? well,ive recently learnt that it is not as simple as that when you're single! whenever ive been in a relationship, ive never had mind blowing sex, but its been enjoyable by both parties, but now im single the sex itself seems better, more varied, BUT afterwards i feel cheap+useless. ive been used by a guy for sex, clearly+now whenever i sleep with a guy, i worry and panick he's going to do the same thing to me.....how do i get over this? i shouldnt be worrying about this, really? its making me feel so insecure about my sexual abilities, when in the past ive never worried.
    ive always enjoyed sex, and for me the best bit has been giving the other person pleasure, but now i spend all my time worrying :(

    is there anyone out there who's experienced this maybe? just so i know im not alone, and get some reassurance or advice?

    L+C
    So you're single and having one night stands? Why do it if it makes you feel bad?

    If you are having casual sex then personally I don't think you should expect people to want anything more than that. Of course people will use you for sex because that's what casual sex is, mutual using of each other for a lay.

    As for the guy... A lot of men do that although if you are having a few one night stands and some men see this, they are more likely to try their luck and use you because they think they will be able to (although I don't know how many people you've slept with). I don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how does someone 'use' you for sex, if you like it yourself? Maybe you used him for sex? Just enjoy it, it's sex... It's not eternal enlightment that falls apart after cumming, it's JUST PLAIN OL' SEX
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