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I love my best friend!!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 18 and about 4 months ago, I came out to my group of 5 friends as gay and thankfully, everyone was more than OK with it.
Then, about a month after me coming out, we started talking, and he explained to me that he got turned on by men and ever since I came out, he's been playing with the idea of being gay. I know that he's already gone through one phase of thinking he might be gay when he was about 14, (he's now 17), is it possible to go through two phases, or is this genuine and he is gay/bi. In the following months, we've mutually masturbated, given each other hand jobs and I've given him a blow job, it even went as far as him penetrating me, but he pulled out at the lest second, which was OK. When it's just me and him, he says comments which I know I am to take in 'that' way. If he's sitting down, and I'm standing up, he says "That's a nice view", looking at my crotch. He's told me in great detail (he's just like that) of the number of penises he's seen, and comments on how good looking he thinks some guys are (just to me though).
So I'm confused. He's told me he's not straight, but I'm not sure if he's just being inquisitive and just wants to experiment. Most of the time, I don't know what's going through his mind. He randomly comes out with comments like those above, but the next minute, he's totally off the idea. The biggest problem is that I've developed strong feelings of love towards him, and I'm not sure he feels the same way towards me. I want to talk to him about it, tell him my feelings, but I'm not sure how he's going to cope, and it might ruin our friendship. He's good-looking and has loads or charm and charisma, everyone likes him. There are rumours that another girl likes him, he says he's just going to go with the flow with her, but I'm scared he's going to go for her instead of me. I know I'm being selfish, but I can't help my feelings towards him, and what makes things worse is that this girl, I'm not to keen on her as a person. The whole thing is driving me crazy, I can't stop thinking about him; I go to sleep thinking about him, he's the first thing I think about when I wake up. I want to know what his feelings are, and I want him to know what mine are.
Can you please help me!!!
Then, about a month after me coming out, we started talking, and he explained to me that he got turned on by men and ever since I came out, he's been playing with the idea of being gay. I know that he's already gone through one phase of thinking he might be gay when he was about 14, (he's now 17), is it possible to go through two phases, or is this genuine and he is gay/bi. In the following months, we've mutually masturbated, given each other hand jobs and I've given him a blow job, it even went as far as him penetrating me, but he pulled out at the lest second, which was OK. When it's just me and him, he says comments which I know I am to take in 'that' way. If he's sitting down, and I'm standing up, he says "That's a nice view", looking at my crotch. He's told me in great detail (he's just like that) of the number of penises he's seen, and comments on how good looking he thinks some guys are (just to me though).
So I'm confused. He's told me he's not straight, but I'm not sure if he's just being inquisitive and just wants to experiment. Most of the time, I don't know what's going through his mind. He randomly comes out with comments like those above, but the next minute, he's totally off the idea. The biggest problem is that I've developed strong feelings of love towards him, and I'm not sure he feels the same way towards me. I want to talk to him about it, tell him my feelings, but I'm not sure how he's going to cope, and it might ruin our friendship. He's good-looking and has loads or charm and charisma, everyone likes him. There are rumours that another girl likes him, he says he's just going to go with the flow with her, but I'm scared he's going to go for her instead of me. I know I'm being selfish, but I can't help my feelings towards him, and what makes things worse is that this girl, I'm not to keen on her as a person. The whole thing is driving me crazy, I can't stop thinking about him; I go to sleep thinking about him, he's the first thing I think about when I wake up. I want to know what his feelings are, and I want him to know what mine are.
Can you please help me!!!
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Comments
Dude, I have been here before - and I got quite hurt.
Remember, he knows you are gay so the onus should not necessarily be just on you to talk about your feelings. If he is GENUINELY interested in you and not just being flirty (or using you for easy sex), then why can't HE talk to you about HIS feelings about YOU?
When we come out as gay, we often do all the running but I think (from what I have read) is that you try and sit back and let him come to you ...
If things just continue as they are and you don't tell him how you feel, could the friendship continue? Or are you just going to spend every minute you're with him wondering how he feels about you? Basically I'm asking you to think about how much you'd be risking if you did tell him. You can't guarantee how he'll react but is it better to risk distancing him rather than continue to live in confusion all the time?
One thing you could do, rather than going the whole way and admitting how you feel, is to ask him general questions about his sexuality: whether he could imagine going out with a bloke or whether he's just interested in experimenting for the moment, etc. You could say that you're worried he might end up hurting this girl if he is confused about his sexuality and is just experimenting with her, which will hopefully get you some answers about whether he's just flattered by the attention or whether he's considering her as a serious prospect. Then you could judge from his answers whether he's decided he's definitely interested in men, and if so, consider telling him how you feel. But I wouldn't suggest telling him straight out without testing the waters first, in case you and the friendship end up getting hurt.