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Falling for

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, I seem to be doing what I always swore I wouldn't. Rapidly falling for the guy I'm currently sleeping with.

Has been 'friends with benefits' for ages now, which we were both enjoying and suited both of us. Since I moved home from uni though we get more opportunities to see each other and I'm falling for him.

Silly Girl :banghead:
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm a toughie. do you definitely know for sure that he wouldnt want to be anything more than friends?

    i think, it might just be me, that its pretty much impossible to be just friends with benefits. when you sleep with someone its usually such a close physical thing theres gotta be some feelings involved. even if its purely lust.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know for sure, this is the catch. He's being a bit more 'couply' recently which is what's confusing me.

    It has worked very well in the past, good mates who care about each other but aren't interested in the commitment involved in a relationship.

    Grrr. I shall keep thinking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm, excuse my idiocy, but I don't quite get the point of the thread. Are you saying you don't wanna fall for him because you fear a commitment? Or are you saying you would like a relationship with him, but are not sure whether the feelings would be returned?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good point, I don't know what I saying or what I want, except that being typically difficult I don't want to do anything that risks losing the good friend I have at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Isn't there some sort of scientific explanation thing that says when women have sex they automatically form an attachment to that person? But I suppose if you're good friends already that attachment's already kinda there.

    If he's already doing a few more 'couplely' type things with you, maybe you could just suggest a few more. Like go out together places and just spend time together not having sex. If that all goes well, and you still reckon you really like him you could make the suggestion. But the biggie is if he says no, you probs wouldn't be able to continue the 'friends with benefits' situation. But if he's a good friend, I doubt you'd lose him completely
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good point, I don't know what I saying or what I want, except that being typically difficult I don't want to do anything that risks losing the good friend I have at the moment.

    Okay, I know what you're saying. Yeah, I suppose if you do wanna take it further, there are risks involved. But who ever got anywhere without taking risks? Like Kate said anyway, I doubt you'd totally lose his friendship. And just think what you stand to gain. How great would it be to be in a relationship with such a good friend and somebody you already know so well and are so comfortable with? Again, like what has already been said, do more coupley things like meals out and stuff, gradually build it up, and see how it goes...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had exactly the same thing with the guy I'm with now (been together over a year so no quick fling!). We were just shag buddies for ages until he started being more couply (watching films and holding hands when I was at his rather than animal sex), and I knew I had feelings for him. In the end he told me how he felt and the rest is history. I think the best thing for yourself is to be honest- it's better to fess up now and deal with the possibility of him saying he doesnt feel the same rather than carrying on as you are and never knowing what could have been. I really feel for you, I know what it's like. I hope it works out xXx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers for all that.

    He's suggested going away for a night or two somewhere when I'm properly better so might wait and see if that actually happens and how things go in the lead up to that and while we're there, and talk to him while we're away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers for all that.

    He's suggested going away for a night or two somewhere when I'm properly better so might wait and see if that actually happens and how things go in the lead up to that and while we're there, and talk to him while we're away.

    :thumb: sounds like a plan

    and going away for a couple of nights already sounds like a bit more than a sex buddies thing ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :thumb: sounds like a plan

    and going away for a couple of nights already sounds like a bit more than a sex buddies thing ;)

    Yeah. Sounds romantic to me... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, was of the things that made me thought maybe it wasn't just me. It's a treat to make up for the shit time I've had recently. He's a nice guy. :blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I could never do the whole 'just sex' thing.
    Hell even if I pull a girl who I don't even know in a club, I end up thinking I have feelings for her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote:
    I could never do the whole 'just sex' thing.
    Hell even if I pull a girl who I don't even know in a club, I end up thinking I have feelings for her.

    :yes: same pretty much. especially if they were a friend already, I think I'd be in a similar situation to Scary Monster
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's been working fine for me for ages (like 2 years) so it can work fine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote:
    I could never do the whole 'just sex' thing.
    Hell even if I pull a girl who I don't even know in a club, I end up thinking I have feelings for her.

    please go out with me

    orig poster: i'd play it by ear :) good luck with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    please go out with me

    I'm sure something could be arranged :flirt:
    lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :d
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote:
    I could never do the whole 'just sex' thing.
    Hell even if I pull a girl who I don't even know in a club, I end up thinking I have feelings for her.

    yeah, same :p I always think: if you can seperate the feeling completely from it, it's just an advanced wank. Since I inherited the hormones of a 13 year old, I rather leave that be =)

    So, watch out girls :P I'm the guy who texts you the day after asking you how you are and trying to arrange a cup of coffee in your vicinity :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    Awwww, that's really sweet :heart:

    Use that line on the girl in the club and she'll be putty in your hands :razz:

    Yeah, or I'm putty in the bouncers hands!! ;)

    I just read the thread from the main page

    Falling For
    and in the second line (if you disregard the "by")
    sophia...

    awww, falling for sophia. Something everyone of us was guilty of at some time :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    :blush:

    Strubbles, you charmer, you've just got all the lines tonight haven't you?! :o

    my ghostwriter sitting behind me is worth every penny.

    :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I always thought I was about the only guy in the world who didn't ever want to have no-string casual sex...
    I can rarely be bothered with girls I don't know when clubbing, i'd far rather enjoy the time out with my mates. Same in the uni - i'd rather chat to girls who're my friends than look for someone to go home with.
    On topic though, I definitely think it sounds like he thinks it's more than 'friends with benefits' too... or wants it to be anyway...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how did uyou find some to be a "friend swith benefits" anyway?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You find a good mate, who you get hugs etc from, you spend the night somewhere together and end up close because its cold and things get rather more intimate than usual.

    Stone cold sober hindsight realises that as you both enjoyed it might as well try it again sometime and one fondle leads to another!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You find a good mate, who you get hugs etc from, you spend the night somewhere together and end up close because its cold and things get rather more intimate than usual.

    Stone cold sober hindsight realises that as you both enjoyed it might as well try it again sometime and one fondle leads to another!

    yeah... if you make little hints like, "brrr, it's cold can i slip under your warm blankets?" and it's an accept, it's already have the rent.
    If the other one is not interested in you, you'd realize pretty easily, when you subtly dig...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You find a good mate, who you get hugs etc from, you spend the night somewhere together and end up close because its cold and things get rather more intimate than usual.

    Stone cold sober hindsight realises that as you both enjoyed it might as well try it again sometime and one fondle leads to another!

    See I just wouldn't be able to do that with one of my close female friends for a few reasons. Number one, it would just seem so wierd! Number two, I wouldn't be able to not fall for them and keep it as just sex. Number three, I'd be scared of it ruining our friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont have that many female friends. I got about 2 now and both are taken so thats buggered.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm one of very few girls involved in the side of Scouting I'm involved in and there's a group of us (lads and me) who staff events, and they all look after me in some ways like a sister and it's frequently damn cold and we snuggle up, at which point having me is handy. Apparently keeping close to me so we all stay warm is fine, but the blokes don't seem to think they can do it without me between them!
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Of course I can't speak from experience, but it seems to me that the only difference between "best friends" and "(possible) soulmates" is sexual attraction between the two people.
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