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Mixed signals
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
I have friend who i work with who i really like and she appears to like me too, but i worried about making a move in case i ruin our friendship. When i am around her either at work or out socially with work people she pretty much gives me 100% attention. She likes teasing me and competing against me. I am not a "touchy feely" person but ocassionally when she teases me i have squeezed her hips and she has never said anything about it or stopped teasing me she normally just giggles and carrie on.
Part of me has always thought that this is just what she is like once you get to know her and she feels confortable around you as she seems shy. However over the last couple of weeks she has told me that i am the only person she likes to tease and compete with.
A few weeks ago i was up in london with a mate and i new my friend from work was also up town and he suggested i text her and ask if she would like to meet for a drink with some of her mates. She did not reply (though she normally does) and today at work when we were talking about our respective weekends she did not mention my text ( i'm pretty sure i sent it).
Like me she seems quite shy and private but when we are alone she seems to like going great detail about her life outside of work, friends , family interests etc. I'm pretty sure that she does not tell other people at work about her private life in as much detail as she tells me.
When we have been out with work people and get time alone we have long conversation about our lives away from work yet when the others return she quickly finnishes the conversation and either stops talking or changes the subjec to something we all have in common.
This makes me feel a bit uneasy as it must be really obvious to the others that we stop chatting as soon as they come over. I even get the feeling that our work mates are somewhat reluctant to go out with us as they feel that we only invite them as an afterthought and that they interrupt our romantic evening ( alot of people in our office have made comments about us fancying each other) and i would not want to loose out on a good friendship group just because of the way the two of us act around each other.
About a month ago i started a new job in the office where we work. As a result of my new job i sit in a different area of the office. For the first few weeks we did not get so much time on our own as we used to, the week before last we only saw each other to spewak to once.
Last week she asked me if there was room next to me for her to sit and i said yes. She has spent the whole of this week sitting next to me because where we used to sit is "too cold". She has a point because the room we work in is heavilly air conditioned and where i used to sit was quite cold but apparenty she never realised this untill the other week.
This is very similar to when she used to make excuses as to why she did not want to go to the office and have lunch with our colleagues as she did not need to go there other than to have lunch, although again she had never mentioned this as a problem before. As a result we ended up going to lunch together alot.
A few times i have asked her if she would like to go shopping or to the cinema etc but she has been unable to go as she already had things planned, which she then tells me all about, and she never suggests another time to go which makes me think she is not that interested.
One of the things that i find most frustrating is that most of the time if i or someone else sets me up for a putdown she will take it. However if someone makes a comment about me fancying her or us fancying each other she does not give any reaction and will not take her chance to put me down.
Sorry if that was a bit long but i am really confused and would like some advice
I have friend who i work with who i really like and she appears to like me too, but i worried about making a move in case i ruin our friendship. When i am around her either at work or out socially with work people she pretty much gives me 100% attention. She likes teasing me and competing against me. I am not a "touchy feely" person but ocassionally when she teases me i have squeezed her hips and she has never said anything about it or stopped teasing me she normally just giggles and carrie on.
Part of me has always thought that this is just what she is like once you get to know her and she feels confortable around you as she seems shy. However over the last couple of weeks she has told me that i am the only person she likes to tease and compete with.
A few weeks ago i was up in london with a mate and i new my friend from work was also up town and he suggested i text her and ask if she would like to meet for a drink with some of her mates. She did not reply (though she normally does) and today at work when we were talking about our respective weekends she did not mention my text ( i'm pretty sure i sent it).
Like me she seems quite shy and private but when we are alone she seems to like going great detail about her life outside of work, friends , family interests etc. I'm pretty sure that she does not tell other people at work about her private life in as much detail as she tells me.
When we have been out with work people and get time alone we have long conversation about our lives away from work yet when the others return she quickly finnishes the conversation and either stops talking or changes the subjec to something we all have in common.
This makes me feel a bit uneasy as it must be really obvious to the others that we stop chatting as soon as they come over. I even get the feeling that our work mates are somewhat reluctant to go out with us as they feel that we only invite them as an afterthought and that they interrupt our romantic evening ( alot of people in our office have made comments about us fancying each other) and i would not want to loose out on a good friendship group just because of the way the two of us act around each other.
About a month ago i started a new job in the office where we work. As a result of my new job i sit in a different area of the office. For the first few weeks we did not get so much time on our own as we used to, the week before last we only saw each other to spewak to once.
Last week she asked me if there was room next to me for her to sit and i said yes. She has spent the whole of this week sitting next to me because where we used to sit is "too cold". She has a point because the room we work in is heavilly air conditioned and where i used to sit was quite cold but apparenty she never realised this untill the other week.
This is very similar to when she used to make excuses as to why she did not want to go to the office and have lunch with our colleagues as she did not need to go there other than to have lunch, although again she had never mentioned this as a problem before. As a result we ended up going to lunch together alot.
A few times i have asked her if she would like to go shopping or to the cinema etc but she has been unable to go as she already had things planned, which she then tells me all about, and she never suggests another time to go which makes me think she is not that interested.
One of the things that i find most frustrating is that most of the time if i or someone else sets me up for a putdown she will take it. However if someone makes a comment about me fancying her or us fancying each other she does not give any reaction and will not take her chance to put me down.
Sorry if that was a bit long but i am really confused and would like some advice
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Comments
With what I've gotten and interpreted from you, I'd leave her alone. She's said no to going out in the past, why would she say yes now? Maybe she just wants male attention, who knows? Go with your gut feeling, don't hesitate because you're afraid to lose a friend. Besides, you'll never be able to see her as a genuine friend if you have feelings for her. Good luck