Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

dealing with a shy person on a date??? urgent, advice needed for tonight!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
advice please!!!
thank you
L+C
«1

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    get him drunk? i've been known to be a bit shy sometimes, depends who the person is, but a few drinks certainly get me going.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well we're both driving, so thats not an option. BUT even so, he was drunk the night i met him and very complimentary and flirty, so id like to know if he likes me when he's sober (as thats what ive been worrying about the most, im just worried he's going to be dissapointed with me)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    koe_182 wrote:
    get him drunk?

    Haha! :razz: Yeah, that can help... I certainly get more talkative if tipsy... but I also do really stupid things, which might not be so good on a date.

    Well... If you know he's shy beforehand at least if he's really quiet you know why... Just ask him a few questions so he doesn't have to worry about what to say... If I'm feeling shy and quiet it's usually because I'm thinking 'shit shit shit I cannot think of one single thing to say! shit shit shit!' It's much easier if the other person leads the coversation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well we're both driving, so thats not an option. BUT even so, he was drunk the night i met him and very complimentary and flirty, so id like to know if he likes me when he's sober (as thats what ive been worrying about the most, im just worried he's going to be dissapointed with me)
    Well I'd expect that if he's shy, he won't be as complimentary and flirty when he's sober. Most people aren't. Don't take that as him not liking you as much though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
    im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
    advice please!!!
    thank you
    L+C

    I went out with a quiet guy a few weeks ago. I'm very chatty and just kept talking...um ask him lots of questions, easy stuff about his friends and family. Or do something like an activity such as going on the arcade games/playing pool as then you are actually doing something and don't have to constantly talk.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take them to a loud rock gig. Always makes me feel better if I go shy. Then you have something to talk about after. It could be a possibility that they are shy as they really like you also.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    see, i know il ask him lots of things - but ive got a feeling its going to drive me mad ME starting every conversation. it'd be nice iif a guy took interest in me once!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    see, i know il ask him lots of things - but ive got a feeling its going to drive me mad ME starting every conversation. it'd be nice iif a guy took interest in me once!

    Give them a chance. If it continues like that and it seems like they are making no effort then move on. Just slip him a shot of vodka or something maybe as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??


    Well are you making ALL the moves? Is he showing any interest at all? Who asked who out?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not all the moves, but alot of them! we've arranged when+where 2nite, so surely he cuda ignored me/backed out if he werent interested.....or even said no in the 1st place wen i suggested it?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Fairy wrote:
    Just slip him a shot of vodka or something maybe as well.

    :eek2: I'm sure you meant this in jest, but just erm slightly dodgy methinks.
    PussyKatty has given some sound advice - just give him a chance, keep asking questions (although I now it can be frustrating) and see how it goes :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??

    Lol, no need for sexism. Some men are shy and so are some women. My mate set me up with this girl a few weeks back. We all went out together and she said like 2 words. I thought, fair enough, first time nerves. Then I went round her place and it had to be one of the most awkward night's of my life. She might have said 1 word but I can't really remember! Finally we all went out together again, and I made an extra extra effort to cheer her up and bring her out her shell and still so little response. At the end of the night her mate told me that she really liked me, but was just a little shy. Well there's shy and there's plain ridiculous. I'd given it my best, and given it a bit of time, but I couldn't suffer anymore of that. If she liked me, I reckon even a complete introvert could have tried harder than that. My point - give him a bit of time, but if he's still helpless after a few dates, move on...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers guys, you're all being so helpful. i just need reassurance, but suppose il have to wait and see tonight how things go!
    luke, i apologise for the sexism, i dint mean it that way. im just abit traditional i guess+am new to the whole dating scene, so im just learning my way! That girl does sounds extremely shy. im the kind of girl though who likes to chat and laugh with a person, and i cant laugh at my own jokes, can i?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you should write yourself a list of ice breaking questions that you can ask - keep them in your hand bag and nip to the loo to read them if your stuck for words.

    As well as some kind of obvious ones you could talk about christmas telly, what they got for chrismas, whats in the news today, what films you have both seen recently, what your top 10 songs are, where do you like to go shopping. Its suprising how much time you can spend talking about stuff thats on the surface quite normal.

    The other option would be to do something like going to the cinema or bowling which means your not talking all the time and which gives you something to talk about later on in the evening...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wyetry - we are going cinema.......i dont think il run out of things to say....just worried its me that will do most of the talking+conversation starters!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try and get him to talk about something he likes. Im a really shy person especialy around people i dont know very well, but if were talking about something that i know lots about or im interested in, i find it much easier to talk cos i actualy have something to say. If your going to the cinema it shouldnt be to hard as you can talk about the film and ask him what he thought or other films he likes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Magic.Emma wrote:
    Try and get him to talk about something he likes. Im a really shy person especialy around people i dont know very well, but if were talking about something that i know lots about or im interested in, i find it much easier to talk cos i actualy have something to say.

    Well said, I'm the same myself and couldn't agree more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote:
    :eek2: I'm sure you meant this in jest, but just erm slightly dodgy methinks.
    PussyKatty has given some sound advice - just give him a chance, keep asking questions (although I now it can be frustrating) and see how it goes :)

    Hehe yeah I was taking the piss :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1983, thanx, i read alot of the articles on that page!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers guys, you're all being so helpful. i just need reassurance, but suppose il have to wait and see tonight how things go!
    luke, i apologise for the sexism, i dint mean it that way. im just abit traditional i guess+am new to the whole dating scene, so im just learning my way! That girl does sounds extremely shy. im the kind of girl though who likes to chat and laugh with a person, and i cant laugh at my own jokes, can i?

    haha, no apology needed. 'Twas meant jokingly. Yeah she was VERY shy. Part of me feels bad that I couldn't be arsed, but then, we've all been dealt a crap hand at some point. Really, if he likes you, and it sounds like he does, there shouldn't be to much of a problem - he'll come out his shell.

    Billy Connoly laughs at his own jokes, but no, I wouldn't recommend it! If you like to chat and laugh though, you're definately on the right track. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He should feel lucky he has this chance. Many girls just dismiss guys who aren't forward.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers luke;i do like to laugh and chat, but am worried il be rambling on and on, and he wont be that chatty - spose ive only really got before the film to worry about chatting in!
    deepfathom, your post made me :), thank you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
    im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
    advice please!!!
    thank you
    L+C

    Take the lead.. a shy guy does not want to make the decision. Make suggestions e.g. drinking a few alcoholic beverages. If you suggest something give him more options, so he does not have to say 'no', but is able to choose between more. Like... "do you want to watch a movie? or rather go out?... maybe you wanna play a round of twister!!?!?".

    If you want to improve the situation between you crank down the heat a few notches and bring a blanket to cuddle a bit during a movie. Make the decision! Don't let him have to ask for anything.

    That's the way to go.
    i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??

    Whatever happened to girls who are absolutely unresponsive when you chase them and don't let you know if they like you back, not before you have to take together all your courage and feel like a plonk by drawing them a diagram of how you like them more than just a friend and then fucking fail?

    Jesus, I wish someone would chase me once...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1983 wrote:

    LMAO

    I clicked on that because I was curious and scrolled down the page looking at the various titles.

    Amongst my favourites are 'how to':
    Date a 'Stoner'
    Date a Thug
    Get Your Girlfriend to Play Video Games
    Get Your Overly Sensitive, Emo Boyfriend to Dump You

    but the best title of all has to be
    How to: Break up With Your Imaginary Girlfriend
    :lol:
    Must be a tough one to go through, that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a note... A lot of men pretend to be shy so you will chase them, or do all the work.

    Be wary.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanx moonrat. things went ok, no awkward silences or anything, but he's still too shy for my liking :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a note... A lot of men pretend to be shy so you will chase them, or do all the work.

    Be wary.
    That is true. Then make you think you're the one that "brought him out of his shell."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is true. Then make you think you're the one that "brought him out of his shell."
    Yep, then they will try to make you work even harder for them, maybe try to make you jealous ect

    Tbh I can't be bothered with "shy" people (because most are just lazy or like the attention), would rather go out with somebody secure enough to be forward and honest.
Sign In or Register to comment.