an awkward position

Former Member · January 2001

if you are uncomfortable Rach then just tell him. Im not sure if he understands what an awkward position he is putting you in, its unfair above all else. Maybe he doesn't realise. So just speak to him ok. and get the truth.

Dk

I never said I loved you...
However I will fuck you...
until someone better comes along!!!!

Former Member · January 2001

Former Member · January 2001

but it5 is still unfair what he is doing. if you are going to lie, you have got to make sure you r going to get away with it. sit down, and talk. even if it is just to make up a story you can both cover if questions are asked. If you want to talk to me more. and I would like that, e-mail me at dudbrook@hotmaail.com

It seems as if you are the only one giving me any time. I think people are a bit peeved about what I said about Daze. and all this just before I get my own pc, and am able to chat properly!

DK

I never said I loved you...
However I will fuck you...
until someone better comes along!!!!

Former Member · January 2001

Say,

"i feel uncomfortable that ur putting me in this position that i have to lie to mum. I would like to know where you were today, that is so secret that she can't know."

If he says "its none of your business" then tell ur mum.

I was always put in awkward positions when my parents were 2gether. They were on the verge of divorce, both were having affairs and both were getting me to tell lies to the other one and trying to get me to find out "inside information" about what was going on.

It was really hell <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> so i know wot ur goin thru. i'm not saying that ur parents are gonna get divorced tho!!! Its probably somethinng completely innocent.

Let me know what he says! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

Girl-From-Mars · January 2001

i was just thinking of things to say as i was reading your post rach and then DK and drifter went and said it all! doh!

yeah i think you need to sit down and talk to him, tell him you're not comfortable about being put in this position and want to knwo why its so secret your mum cant know about it.

If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

Former Member · January 2001

Former Member · February 2001

Former Member · February 2001

((((((((((Rachel))))))))

Sorry to hear that. I can understand how upset you feel.

I think its a good idea to take some time away.
I also think you might feel better if you get it over with and confront your dad, or alternatively tell your dad.

Good luck!!
let us know

Former Member · February 2001

ok I think the line... "AH" would probably suffice now. um, there is only one thing oyu can do. Tell him you know, because what if your mum finds out and the finds out that you knew!!!!! You have to make sure of everything, if you get the chance, forward those messages from his phone to your/ ure b/f's or even your mum. I know its going to be hard but in this case, late isnt better, earlier is! (((Rachel)))

I never said I loved you...
However I will fuck you...
until someone better comes along!!!!

Former Member · February 2001

Rachael, STOP.

I can understand how upsetting this is for you, you are in a situation that you have never been in b4 & you shouldn't need to be in, but you can't do anything until you are absolutely certain.

But how can you ask him without letting on that you invaded his privacy. How would you feel if you found out that your parents had been interrogatong your mobile, or reading your diary?

Is there is a very slight possibilty that he let someone else use his phone, so they wouldn't get caught out? Imagine how you'd feel if this was the case & you had forwarded the messages to your Mum's phone <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif">

Does your Dad ever use the phone to make calls or recieve them, when he thinks no-one is around? Do you ever answer the phone & find it's a wrong number, or there's no-one there? Try dialing 1471, or, if you know you're Dad's made a call you could do "last number redial".

Apparently this is the most common way for men to get caught out. If the person who answers is a legitimate call, you can laugh it off & say you didn't realise anyone had made a call since you last called your mate.

If it's all true & he does leave, it is going to be a very frightening time for your Mum and she's going to need alot of support. I know it was for my Mum when my Dad left. But now she is married to a wonderful guy, who worships her & her life is great. It takes time of course, but she will recover as long as she has your support.

Is your sister younger than you? and is she in full time education? He has to provide for his family, it is a legal requirement.

You shouldn't need to move house, I believe that after a set period, if your Mum isn't working, the DSS will make the interest payments on her behalf.

It might be worth a visit to the Citizens Advice Centre to find out about the legal entitlements & the legal obligations of your father.

But please, don't give up hope. People have had affairs before & he may have no intention of leaving you all, not many men do, they tend to lead on the mistress. You hear of mistresses hanging on for years on false promises.

If it were me (and this may not be right in your situation) I would try & get my evidence first, then say to him "are you having an affair?" give him a chance to fess up before you fly at him. If he denied it & you were absolutely sure then tell him you know about the text messages.

I've just had a few other ideas, you could tell him your battery is flat/ credit run out etc, could you use his phone to send a quick text mesage to a mate & see how he reacts. If he says OK, you could then legitimately draw his attention to the outgoing messages.

Or, another idea would be to hide his phone & later pretend you found it for him. In the meantime wait for phonecalls or text messages. If the phone rings you could pretend to be a friend & offer to pass on a message.

I hope it all works out ok for you Rachael, but whatever happens, you've got your family here to come to <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

j9

I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

MTS ^5

Former Member · February 2001

Once again I totally agree with j9's sound advice. I really hope this is all just a misunderstanding Rach (((rachel)))

Former Member · February 2001

i know exactly what ur going thru rachael coz it happened to me. I just sat back and ignored it and watched my family fall apart. i think it mighta bin beta if i'd have sed sumfink. like pullin off a plaster really fast and then the wound bein exposed instead of letting it get all infected. Ok thats a stupid metaphor, but i do know what ur going thru. I think u shud tell ur mum. See if u can get ur dads fone again and show her, then get out to ur bf's house and let them argue it out.

Why can't ur mum work? like j9 sed there all kinds of finanical support. Jus coz ur dads avin an affair dusent mean they're gonna break up, they wil probably work it out lots of ppl do.

If u wanna chat on yahoo post ur id and i will add u 2 my list. i don't wana post mine incase sum1 from my skool comes on here and knows its me (ok im paranoid) lol

But really confront them, tel them wot u know. hope it works out 4u, my fingers r crossed 4u (((((((((Rachael))))))))

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

Former Member · February 2001

i just realised i already got u on my friends list - but i dont think i have ever seen u online!

i'm sooooooo ditzy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

Former Member · February 2001

Former Member · February 2001

I have never been in this situation myself,

but i really think ignoring it is the wrong thing to do,

you need to get this sorted out, its not fair on ur mum to have two ppl be decietful towards her,

thats just my opinion n i have no idea how u feel so i might seem unsensitive.

Former Member · February 2001

My father also put me in a similar position. I was about 16 at the time (now 22) He was self employed and landed himself a job in Nigeria with a load of other lads. When they returned the other lads went on about their sexploits and such, when one afternoon in the pub of all places he took me into a corner and said that he too met someone in Nigeria, who he thought a lot about. I cou'ldn'y believe it, i took it upon myself not to tell mum and it would kill her. He was being rediculous going on about bringing her over to the uK he must have been out of his mind. I told him that she was using him to do just that.

Eventually Mum, after listsening to the others questioned my dad, of course he denied it, but she kept baggering him until in the end he told her the truth, and that i too knew about it. She came onto me like a tonne of bricks for not saying owt.

To cut a long story short, she forgave him, purely because she was so far away and becuse they were too old to mess about with divorce, but i still often think about it and talk to mum after all these years.

Former Member · February 2001

Hi,
I really sympathise,I have been in almost the exact same position. I looked at my dad's mobile, and found lots in the inbox from someone, all signed 'i love you'. i was very upset, and kept it all bottled up, without telling anyone. eventually i told my bf, cos he knew i was upset, and he persuaded me that my mum had a right to know, and i was wrong to hide it from her. I agreed with him, and so i told her. I was very worried about what was going to happen, but she asked him about it while i was there, and he was really cross with me at first for reading his messages. but eventually he and mum talked about it without me being there, and they're now going to Relate about it and stuff. This was only just before christmas, and now things with my dad are pretty strained. we used to be pretty close, but now we don't really talk. So afterall that, I really don't know what you should do. Whatever you do there will be good and bad things, you just have to decide for yourself in your own individual situation. At least if you have someone to talk to about it that makes it easier.

Good luck, and sorry this is so long, i just wanted to let it all out too!

love,
Cara

Former Member · February 2001

Former Member · February 2001

Wow Rachael, you have had a really tough few days. I don't have any experience with that sort of thing (the parents having affairs part anyway), so I can't offer advice, only offer my love and know that I'm wishing you the best.

I can identify with the part about being asked to keep other peoples' secrets though. I think that is one of the nastiest things a loved one can ask you to do. I take all the onus off of them and puts it on your shoulders. It's just not a fair thing to ask.

Anyway, I hope you are staying strong.

Good luck

Burnout

Former Member · February 2001

(((((Rachael)))))

trust me, now it's out in the open, it wil b better and they can take the necesary steps to make things better 4 every1.

an open relationship is beta than a deceitful 1 eh?

I hope they work things out <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

Former Member · February 2001

Former Member · February 2001

{{{{{{{{rachael}}}}}}}}

best of luck, hope things work out.

I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.

Former Member · May 2001

Hi, I realise that youve had plenty of replies but I just wanted to tell you how similar your position is to mine. I wrote a message entitled Dads Secret Shagging and although it seems your dad is having an affair, you musnt do anything until you have proof rather than the smell of something dodgy. i.e mobile bills, emails etc. Thats how I found mine out. Because we are in a similar situation, id like to ask you to email me at tlc2900@aol.com just telling me if you have AIM or with your email address. I think it would help if we could share whats happening, up to you, but all my love whatever happens, xxx

**Tell me that you dont take that blade and drag it across ur skin and pray for the courage to press down...**

Former Member · May 2001

Former Member · May 2001

I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything (I'm sorry if it appears so, Rachael) but ... wouldn't this make a brilliant plot for a movie? All these emotions, sneaking about, etc .... I was mesmerised!

Anyhow, I hope everything works out the very best for you, Rachael! *hugs*

Former Member · May 2001

glad to hear things r finally on the up for u rachael <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

and congratulations on ur engagement!

There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did

Former Member · May 2001

Former Member · May 2001

Im so glad that its out in the open for you..but Im kinda jealous. I cant tell my brother, so I feel like Im the only one keeping it together. How did you get the strength to tell your sister?
I asked you to email me so that we could help each other, and now Im really asking you to email me because youve found the courage to do what I cant.
PLEASE. STay safe, xxx

**Tell me that you dont take that blade and drag it across ur skin and pray for the courage to press down...**

an awkward position

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