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Feeling blue and kinda podgy...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys
Im a size 10 and have suffered with bulimia in the past. It was particularly bad this summer. I've been with the boy for over a year now and in that time I've put on a stone. Every so often I feel really low about myself, even though I'm realistically not fat, and not unattractive, I feel really bad about myself. It's getting in the way of my relationship because I feel undesirable and therefore jealous of other women on tv etc. I also don't want my boyfriend near me in case he thinks Im fat when he touches me. This is really a problem for me, if you can help me at all I'd be so grateful.
Im a size 10 and have suffered with bulimia in the past. It was particularly bad this summer. I've been with the boy for over a year now and in that time I've put on a stone. Every so often I feel really low about myself, even though I'm realistically not fat, and not unattractive, I feel really bad about myself. It's getting in the way of my relationship because I feel undesirable and therefore jealous of other women on tv etc. I also don't want my boyfriend near me in case he thinks Im fat when he touches me. This is really a problem for me, if you can help me at all I'd be so grateful.
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I initially guessed you might want fashion advice given the forum you've posted in, though after reading your post this is obviously more a body image issue than anything else. I really feel for you, having felt this way myself ooh less than a year ago. I can only tell you that loads of women feel exactly the same as you, and that I've always found within a relationship it's so easy to put on weight and stagnate a little without even really realising it. It's not entirely bad, as this is "happy weight" you put on 'cause you're settled and content, but obviously with your history of disordered eating and the simple fact that you're not happy with things... well that means it's not okay, either. I would imagine I don't need to tell you that your boyfriend probably hasn't even noticed that you've filled out a little, and if he has... then he probably likes it! I would go on to say you're a size 10 so what the flip are you worrying about, but I remember times when I was a size 8 and I still spent my days fretting over that, so it would be hypocritical of me to say "what the fuck?". I can tell you that if I'd known then what I know now I wouldn't have given it a second thought. I'll never be as small again as I was at 18/19 (barring an internal parasite) but I'm ok with that, I guess I've made peace with my body and all the great things it does do and the parts of it that are fabulous. Obviously that takes time and isn't easy, but if I can do it and overcome the twisted way I used to think about food and my own body then I'd say pretty much anyone can!
Basically in the short-term, if you're not happy then you should probably look at doing some exercise/slightly increasing the amount of exercise you do, and/or taking a look at your diet so you can regain some control over the situation and your feelings towards it. Because that's the key really, control. If you're anything like I was then you probably feel that you've lost the innate power over what your body looks like and are hating the resulting feelings; and the easiest way to stop that feeling is to do something about it. Christmas (and Winter in general) are awful times for a lot of people's body image, as food becomes stodgier and we're programmed to store a little extra fat as a self-preservation 'thing'. It doesn't help that there are tasty treats everywhere and alcohol galore, but you just need to moderate it all and exert some control... denying yourself will obviously have the opposite of the desired effect and you'll end up gorging yourself and then experiencing those awful feelings of guilt. It's such a cliche, but accepting - and being happy with - your own body and being comfortable in your own skin really do come with age for most people, and for all people to an extent anyway. I'm furious with myself now when I think back on all the time and energy I wasted on something that really was a non-issue anyway, but that's life and the way a lot of our minds seem to work. You are - without a doubt - your own worst critic, everyone else is probably looking at you thinking how great your figure is and how fabulous you look. But you'll never be able to appreciate that until you can feel it about yourself, so that's what you need to aim for
The women on TV and in magazines are airbrushed within an inch of their lives- with technology now they could even make me look like a slender buxom blonde.
You know all that anyway, though.
I don't know how to get more self-esteem regards body shape and size, I think its just something that you grow into as you get older.
All my friends are bigger than me and one of them is a size 20/22 so if i moan about it then they all have a go. It's really hard to get support for wanting to lose some weight when you're slim, so i know how you feel.
I joined the gym and started going twice a week and eating healthier, even though i've not been able to go to the gym for a while. It really helps, i haven't lost much weight but i'm begining to feel fitter and healthier and put together with eating healthy it seems to be keeping winter bugs at bay.
Drinking lots of water works wonders too.
And always look on the plus side. I haven't got the loveliest skinniest belly in the world like I used to and I do get those nasty lines when I sit down :mad: BUT I no longer have to trawl topshop looking for the only size 6 in stock and then fight to the death all the other midgets looking for the same top. I also have a rather nice pair of hips which used to be just bone, and my boobs have grown 2 cup sizes. Wahey! Remember: Women are supposed to be curvy. I still hide my belly under baggy tops when I'm feeling fat but its definatly better to be a nice womanly shape than a couple of years ago when people used to tell me I was too skinny. I thought that was cool. Its not. :no: People compliment me on my figure now a load more even though I think I'm chubby!
Errm not really sure where I'm going with this so rant about women over