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Do you think... talking about problems

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
what do you think of openly talking about ones problems to others, particularly those whom youre not very familiar with, for instance, a hairdresser.

when one is asked "how are you?", what do you think of giving a "not good" answer and talk about the matter?

what kind of problems do you think would or would not be nice to talk about?

i think most people are too polite not to talk about ones problems, hence, keep things bottled up.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't realy like talking about my problems anyway so to someone I hardly know is a big no no. They don't know me and wouldn't understand me and I wouldn't want them to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont like talking to anyone about major problems, not out of politeness, I just personally feel its no one else's business. Sounds horrible I know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    Sounds horrible I know.
    :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends if they're just asking out of politeness, if they actually care, or if they want to enter into conversation.

    If someone just asked how I was in passing, I'd always come back with something like 'fine' or 'not bad' or good', but say if it were the hairdresser and you're there for a while, there are some things I'd chat about, and some I wouldn't. Very personal things are a no-no, but i would talk about more general things, like if I were having problems buying/selling a house. I would like to think most people know instinctively what things are ok to share, and which people REALLY don't want to know about.
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    Hmmmm ... tricky one.

    Sometimes I find it much easier to talk about problems with a complete stranger - they don't know the other people involved, they don't really care and it is good to get it off your chest. It does depend on what it is though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if a stranger or a not-friend (like a buddy/mate) asked me what's up I will not always say "I'm fine." but maybe let him know something from the surface, like uni stress, girlfriend stress, happy, cuz bought a new snowboard, hungover because of nice party yesterday. why not?, but only one or two phrases so he can't "regret asking", if you know what I mean.

    I would never go into detail with a not-friend about some issues in my life, even tho I am known to have my emotions spillt everywhere among the place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think a lot of people confide in strangers.

    However, the question "How are you?" is not normally an invitation from someone to tell them all your problems. You could drop some small hints and if they seem receptive then confess all :)

    The great thing about strangers is that you're unlikely to see them again and they have no emotions or involvement in you or your "problem".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say bar workers are a good receptacle for all your worldly woes, the cliche is probably very true.

    I suppose being on here is kind of like what you're talking about - confiding in strangers - it is a LOT easier sometimes than telling all to someone you know well and see often.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    I hate it when I ask someone I don't really know "how are you?" and they then proceed to pour out all their woes to me. I was just asking out of politeness, for crying out loud -- the acceptable answer is "I'm fine, thanks", not "well I think I'm coming down with the flu and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is cheating on me, and I may be being made redundant next month so I have no idea how I'm going to pay the rent and will probably be made homeless....." Jesus, don't you know a rhetorical question when you hear one?

    Spot on. I just solve this problem by not asking them at all. :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    I hate it when I ask someone I don't really know "how are you?" and they then proceed to pour out all their woes to me. I was just asking out of politeness, for crying out loud -- the acceptable answer is "I'm fine, thanks", not "well I think I'm coming down with the flu and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is cheating on me, and I may be being made redundant next month so I have no idea how I'm going to pay the rent and will probably be made homeless....." Jesus, don't you know a rhetorical question when you hear one?

    Ha. Ooh, you're a hard woman ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if you ask someone how they are, you shouldn't complain if they proceed to tell you how they are. People using "how are you?" as an extended form of "hello" is one of my pet hates. If you don't what to know then DON'T ASK. I quite often fall into the trap of replying "fine" when I'm asked how I am, even if I'm not fine, but I'll almost always correct myself: "Well actually I'm not fine, I'm really tired/stressed/upset." I'm a big advocate of honesty though and would rather everyone spoke their minds (not in a spiteful way though, obviously) than held their tongues out of tact.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends who it is, tbh. I will tell some people about my problems but won't tell others. This is mainly to do with trust an whether I know them well enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont want to listen to a complete strangers problems, I really dont care. so I wouldnt go offloading mine to them...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wildchild wrote:
    I think if you ask someone how they are, you shouldn't complain if they proceed to tell you how they are. People using "how are you?" as an extended form of "hello" is one of my pet hates. If you don't what to know then DON'T ASK.
    Mine too. It's one of those questions that you just don't really know how to answer. "Fine" is too short an answer and also seems rude because you don't ask the other person how they are BUT "Fine, yourself?" is too long - either they've already walked past by the time they answer, making the whole conversation pointless, OR worse still, they stop and answer and then you have to struggle to make more mindnumbingly boring conversation. :banghead:
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