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Sleeping at boyfriend / girlfriends house
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Are you allowed to sleep in the same bed when you go to your boyfriend/ girlfriends house?
This is just something I was thinking about a few days ago. I took my boyfriend home for the first time during my uni holidays, whom I'd been going out with for about 5 months and he was surprised that my parents let him sleep in my bed.
I was 21 (am 22 now) so I didn't think it was that odd. They never said anything until a few months ago my mum made some bitter comment that they didn't really like/know him and I shouldn't have done it. Which made me feel as though I'd let my parents down or something! I guess it's cos we have a couple of spare rooms and they think he should have slept in one of them. I guess many parents have to allow it cos there's no other beds in the house.
What age do you think is reasonable? I know people who've been allowed boyfriends/girlfriends to stay in their room since they were 16 and others who will never be allowed until marriage!
I think it's different for boys, for example my boyfriend was allowed girls in his room from about 15 and my brother was from about 17. However, its only my most recent boyfriend who's been allowed to stay in my room.
This is just something I was thinking about a few days ago. I took my boyfriend home for the first time during my uni holidays, whom I'd been going out with for about 5 months and he was surprised that my parents let him sleep in my bed.
I was 21 (am 22 now) so I didn't think it was that odd. They never said anything until a few months ago my mum made some bitter comment that they didn't really like/know him and I shouldn't have done it. Which made me feel as though I'd let my parents down or something! I guess it's cos we have a couple of spare rooms and they think he should have slept in one of them. I guess many parents have to allow it cos there's no other beds in the house.
What age do you think is reasonable? I know people who've been allowed boyfriends/girlfriends to stay in their room since they were 16 and others who will never be allowed until marriage!
I think it's different for boys, for example my boyfriend was allowed girls in his room from about 15 and my brother was from about 17. However, its only my most recent boyfriend who's been allowed to stay in my room.
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I've never had an experience in a fella's parents' house where they've exiled me to a spare bedroom, though obviously I don't know if they got into deep shit/were bombarded with snitty comments once I'd done one!
Ha I just love that phrase 'bumping nasties', makes it sound so romantic
My mum trusts me though, and we speak about everything. So even if it had been a couple of years earlier, she'd have probably given me the contraception talk and gone along with it. She knows I'm responsible.
:angel: Ahaha
she stayed over at mine more that I at hers as a result.
first time she stayed over at mine my mum told me to sleep in the living room, but I "accidentally fell asleep" when I went to say goodnight to my gf
We only got to stop at his house after there was no choice when it was his mum's 40th. His uncle was staying over, and his uncle is (was) a lot more open minded than his mum, and made her see logic that there was no point him staying in the double bed in the spare room on his own, when Chris would have to "sleep on the floor" so I could have the single bed.
After that, she let us now and again, and once it became more regular she offered for him to have the spare room as his bedroom so we could have a double bed! That wasn't that long after the party - definetly before Chris turned 17 - so we've been sleeping together most nights ever since and we're both 18 now.
EDIT: And more recently, it's become clear they've accepted our sex lives as well. My parents, again, are quite open minded, and couldn't care less - my mum was proud of me for losing my virginity! - but Chris's parents were a little more worried, and conservative. But they openly discuss things now - just nothing so much as to say "you have sex". Best left unsaid I think.
he never comes to mine over night because my parents wouldnt let him stay theyr quite religious so it makes them uncomfortable
so we stay at cheap hotels
They probably don't know that they do that :razz:
I'd tell them and it might make them change their minds.
Usually works.
I slept in the same bed without her telling her mum- her mum couldn't refuse after the event- and then when we went to mine I brought out the "but her mum lets us!" line.
However I don't remember it ever being that much of an issue either as no one else I knew was allowed to have boys over or stay over at thier boyfriends. Though oddly enough mixed sleep overs were allowed from the time I was 16 - though at my 16th birthday party my parents made all the boys sleep in tents in the back garden whilst all the girls got beds in the house - what fun.
I have a friend who's mum didn't let her sleep in the same room as her boyfriend until they were married even though they had been living togeather for years he was still made to sleep on the sofa (they wouldn't even let him have the spare bed!0)
Only time I remember it being a problem was when I was dating someone at 16 and in a LDR. His mum made him sleep in the living room while I slept in his bed. He did the 'I fell asleep routine' too. Oh and once he snuck me out of his bedroom window (ground floor PHEW).
I think there's a big difference between allowing a boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over when you still live at home and letting you both stay over when you are visiting from your own homes somewhere else.
And i cant have sex when i know my dad is in the house, it freaks me out as our rooms are so close
When I stayed round his the first time his parents made him blow up the airbed and he was supposed to sleep on that in the lounge while I got his bed, but we moved it up to the floor in his room so we could 'natter', and from then on we always had the airbed on his floor.
He was nearly 2 years older than me and the excuse of the airbed I think made his parents happy that they weren't forcing me into bed with him and his mum could look mine in the eye and say we slept separately.
There's definitely a difference between her parents and his generally though, his will let you share a bed far more often than hers will.
It was the opposite in my case. My boyfriend first stayed over when we'd been together about 4 months, I was 19 and he was 22. The first couple of times, Mum made up the spare room (I wanted to be a bit cautious, it was the first time I'd brought anyone home and I didn't want to push it) but he didn't actually sleep there (when we went to bed, he came into my room for a 'goodnight kiss', and I didn't have the heart to kick him out of my bed), as made patently obvious when my little brother went into his room the following morning to say hello and it was empty - kinda gave the game away! Afterwards, Mum didn't bother making up the spare bed. She probably would have been fine with us both being in my room from the beginning if I'd asked.
On the other hand, I first met his parents when we'd been together for over a year, I was 20, he was 23, and I was banished to the spare room. Even his older brother (25) and his girlfriend (28) weren't allowed in the same room at that point. We did the whole sneaking around at night thing for the next few times, but the crux came one time when I was going to be staying over at the same time as his gran. His mum gave her the spare room, and the plan was that I'd sleep in my boyfriend's bed, whilst he'd sleep on the sofa. He point blank refused, saying that his mum could tell his gran what she liked, but I was going to be in his room and so was he. And that was that. About a year later, his bed broke and he replaced it with a double.
It's funny how things change: I've now been living with him, his mum and his gran for the best part of 3 years, what was first a big issue has now completely disappeared (although I know that his family are champing at the bit for us to get engaged)!
I don't think that's odd.
It's not so easy to have sex if you are in different rooms... need to drill a hole into the wall or something... nono, keep it simple.
iv slept at ma girlfriends house a few times now (im 16) but im kinda forced to sleep downstairs like her parents are great but they dont wanna accept what we get up 2 so im a bit confused what to do
has anyone gort any advice
coz my parents wont even let her sleep near me :O which kinda sucks
but they say its coz her parents wont let me slepp near her
help me :O:banghead: