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Venting and advice time for AARJ

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So my girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. We agreed to still be friends and all that. I've been away at college while she's finishing up her senior year of high school. At some point she found somebody else, so she ended her relationship with me.

I don't really know what to do about it. It has to be close to a month now, but every time I start to think that I'm over this girl all it takes is a picture of her, or just something that remindes me of her to bring it all back. I was really in love with her, and up untill recently I thought she felt the same about me.

This really has got to stop. If I'm going to be friends with this girl later on down the line (and I really want to), I need to get over her now before we stop talking all together.

So, advice please. How do you get over someone you've fallen for really hard?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi. I know how bad your feeling at the moment, but I think you need to take action here. I'm of the opinion that once you've been with somebody intimately in that way, you can't just break up and still be best friends the next day. If you still love her like you say you do, but you want to get over her, you need to cut contact for now. To keep seeing her is gonna be to painful an experience, and in the end you'll probably end up arguing all the time because of the mixed feelings you'll have for her, ie the love you have for her, but at the same time, the frustration and anger of the break up and not being able to get over her etc. Tell her you need to stay away for a bit to get over her, then spend lots of time with other friends. I had a similar situation with an ex, I was so besotted and she got with someone else, and I just couldn't handle my emotions, so we ended up arguing all the time. In the end, I got away from her for a few months, and now when I bump into her, we are able to talk like old friends...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    sophia wrote:

    It's hard, but it will get easier with time, so go easy on yourself. Don't expect to get over a serious relationship within a month, because that's not realistic, and if you could get over it that quickly it wouldn't have been the amazing thing that it was. Because you loved her so much and she was so important to you, it's bound to take time to get over it. But you will get there because everybody does, and then it's great because you can look back on all your memories and just be happy and glad that they happened, without it being painful.

    :yes: aswell as taking onboard the above, you may find this article on mending a broken heart helpful. Take good care of yourself ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh god I know how you feel. Its been the same amount of time for me, and he did it out of the blue. Hurts.

    I have my bad days and the past few days have been bad. Trying to reason with myself when even he doesnt really know why he did it.

    I know you wanna stay friends. So do I. I am having 3 months of no contact. When we see eachother again, I will be so terrified. I just want him back. And I know that you want to stay friends partially for that opportunity later in life. Me too. *sigh*

    I know what you're going through and it sucks. I cant tell you how long it will take as I am still hurting so so much. But I hope you get there soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    You just give it time mate, nothing else you can do. You have to go through all the stages of denial, anger, depression, acceptance, etc, and there ain't much you can do to speed up the process; it'll take as long as it takes. Get drunk and maudlin, listen to some depressing music and have a cry, pull someone else and regret it the next day, these are some of the things that most people do after a break up, and while they're not always a good idea, I reckon they're part of the coming to terms with it process.

    It's hard, but it will get easier with time, so go easy on yourself. Don't expect to get over a serious relationship within a month, because that's not realistic, and if you could get over it that quickly it wouldn't have been the amazing thing that it was. Because you loved her so much and she was so important to you, it's bound to take time to get over it. But you will get there because everybody does, and then it's great because you can look back on all your memories and just be happy and glad that they happened, without it being painful.

    Good luck, it's not easy but you'll get there :)

    Wise words. Taking time out from any kind of relationship with her, and being good to yourself are the only things that can really be advised... I wish there was a quicker and easier route to regaining a happy heart but if there is I haven't discovered it yet.

    Take it easy :)
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