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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not sure if this should be in sex or in relationships...
So today my girlfriend and I were having sex. Typical drill... I was about to cum and stopped, telling her that it was about to happen. She told me to continue. The entire time I had heard nothing from her, no noises and no irregular breathing which I usually associate with good feelings, and no flat out "that feels good"s. Now usually when I cum, I keep pounding away, to attempt to have her reach orgasm too, but this time I didn't because I didn't think she was anywhere near reaching orgasm, and it's hard for me to keep pounding away. I had an exceptionally good orgasm, which I associated to me not trying as hard to get her orgasm to happen when she asked if it was good. Now I'm all of a sudden "using" her she says. Because I "gave up and didn't care." After sex today she just laid there and stared at the ceiling. I drove back to my house, which took an hour, and felt terrible the whole way home. I feel bad because she thinks I used her. I don't think I used her, but I'm not really sure . If you were the girl in this... What would you feel? I don't think I'd even be analyzing it the way she is, but I suppose I'm biased. Any words of wisdom?
Thanks,
killing
So today my girlfriend and I were having sex. Typical drill... I was about to cum and stopped, telling her that it was about to happen. She told me to continue. The entire time I had heard nothing from her, no noises and no irregular breathing which I usually associate with good feelings, and no flat out "that feels good"s. Now usually when I cum, I keep pounding away, to attempt to have her reach orgasm too, but this time I didn't because I didn't think she was anywhere near reaching orgasm, and it's hard for me to keep pounding away. I had an exceptionally good orgasm, which I associated to me not trying as hard to get her orgasm to happen when she asked if it was good. Now I'm all of a sudden "using" her she says. Because I "gave up and didn't care." After sex today she just laid there and stared at the ceiling. I drove back to my house, which took an hour, and felt terrible the whole way home. I feel bad because she thinks I used her. I don't think I used her, but I'm not really sure . If you were the girl in this... What would you feel? I don't think I'd even be analyzing it the way she is, but I suppose I'm biased. Any words of wisdom?
Thanks,
killing
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Comments
I think you need to talk to her to be honest. As the others have said, orgasm isn't the primary aspect to sex, enjoying it is and getting a grump on when you didn't coming, and have shown no signs of even enjoying the sex isn't fair really as how are you meant to know when she let's you finish and doesn't respond at all.
If I were you id wait till she initiates it next time just to be on the safe side.
You said it yourself... You were going along, she showed no signs of enjoyment. You told her you were gonna cum and went pounding away and that was that.
Would you enjoy it if you were her!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
In all seriousness, and i dont want to sound harsh here, but it sounds to me like she isnt enjoying it as much as you are, for one reason or another, i doubt its your technique, but rather the emotional side.
Sounds to me like she has something on her mind and isnt up for it as much as you are...
How long you been together?
It sounds like maybe theres something on her mind thats troubleing her you should talk to her find out why she wasnt enjoying it as much as normal it, like jayjay620 said maybe its an emotional thing.
it really doesnt sound like you are using her though you seem to really care.
i think i probably would feel slightly used but i think thats normal after sex and your emotions are everywhere i find
just try and make it up to her and don't use sex as an apology! buy her flowers or somthing sweet
good luck x
I wasn't pounding away to cum, I usually pound through my orgasm, so keep her stimulation up so she can hopefully reach orgasm. I know she doesn't enjoy it as much as I do. I can't figure it out though. I don't suggest sex really ever. She always asks. I don't expect it. She hasn't gotten anything out of it so far except for pain and worries. So I'm really not pushing her into it. I've tried to give her oral a few times, but she doesn't like that whole set-up. Sex has always been like this for us. I mean we're young so we're still experimenting.
She isn't upset that I didn't get her to orgasm, as said by the first few posters. She's mad because she thinks I stopped trying to better my experience.
shes probably very frustrated that she hasnt reached orgasm but sometimes that can be the problem which is hard to explain... but youre not a fucking mindreader and no one else is either- she should tell you or show you what she wants but laying there like a corpse and expecting you to hit the magic button and make her O wont do anything will it?
she used the wrong word- ''using''- youre not pleasuring her properly or she feels emotionally neglected or something but youre not using her. you drove her all the way home right afterwards and seem like a nice guy who cares. i think a 'user' is someone who goes bangbangbang then fucks off or acts like a twat apart from when theyre about to get sex.
i just think you should communicate better.
That's what I thought whilst reading this.
You need to discuss your feelings and ask her what she feels / thinks. Ask her what she wants to happen - get her to tell you what feels good and what doesn't. Don't just treat her like an object (not that I'm saying you are, btw) but sex is a two way thing. If she's not orgasmed in your three years together then it sounds like she isn't completely confident in the bedroom. If she has issues you need to work them out together.
I'm sorry about yesterday, it didn't work out the way it should have. sex should bring us closer, not to a fight. I've been trying to get you to orgasm since we've started, you know that's a priority of mine. I know you haven't particularly enjoyed sex, but you still always want to try and progress, which I admire a lot. I think we need to work on our communication, because that is what I think this all comes down to. I can't know what you feel if you don't tell me. I tried getting a rough idea through your expressions, but that apparently doesn't work. By doing what I did, I did not mean I was giving up on you. I didn't stop to make my thing better. I've thought about this all day. It really bothers me that an act of love is resulting in this. So, I'm sorry about what happened, and it won't happen again.
Is that ok? I don't really know how to say sorry without saying I was using her.
EDIT: What could these unresolved issues about sex be? I mean, we both lost our virginities to eachother, and had a relatively innocent sex life before eachother, so it's really a work in progress on all fronts.
I think you really need to make clear that if you did get more pleasure out of this time, it was accidental. You weren't planning on it, it's just the way it turned out. If it had been intentional, then maybe it could be said you used her - but it wasn't the case. Tell her you're really sorry she felt used, but don't assume the responsibility of having provoked those feelings - cause it isn't. It's a thin line of difference, but its important I think.
but it sounds to me like she's losing interest at some point
You gotta talk to her
Thanks you guys, I know I'm a pain