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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why not move out for a bit, even just to a friends for a few days? The immediate aftermath is pretty difficult to deal with. I'm not saying it'll be fine when you get back... but at least then he can accept it. Being in his shoes, I know being heartbroken you kind of lose your perspective on everything. Being around friends helped me, maybe if you give him some space then he'll see his friends?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he`ll be devastated that his comfort zone has gone. Itll take time for him. Being dumped is never nice, even when you know its for the best deep down.
    Youve done the right thing though Byny.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah - I am at my sisters now but he keeps sending text messages asking me to reconsider. I answered a few but decided to stop. I have told him to speak to his friends as I am the cause of his upset and can't say what he wants to hear.

    It is just too sad. We will have to keep up our routines (Cats and dogs) for some time :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, my ex did this, it makes you feel like crap, doesn't it? My ex became pathetic after I told him and it felt like kicking a puppy.

    To begin with he just didn't believe me, for about the first month, he kept saying things like, "You don't really mean it, do you?" :rolleyes: Then he kept asking if it was only going to be a trial separation... To begin with I used to answer him, and feel bad, but after a pretty short time I just started to feel annoyed. I didn't answer him then, I just used to roll my eyes and sigh.

    Like SCC said, it'll take time for him to process the information, and until then you just have to stay strong. You obviously know you've done the right thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's a perfect expression. When i first told him he kinda rolled over and let it happen but I knew he didn't really believe it. Now he is just trying to keep me. I feel so bad, he says he is losing the person who is most important to him and I had to say to him that he had already lost me :(
    it's really horrible but I can't (for both our sakes) say anything that will give him hope because I don't want this anymore.


    I feel like a total cow and I know he is going to mount a campaign to convince me to stay but I haven't been happy for years and him mtelling me now how much he loves me doesn't mean anything because he hasn't properly shown it for a long time.
    I feel scared because I have someone else who I think I have slowly fallen in love with and who is in love with me but we're being cautious because it's quite early (though we have known eachother for over a year in one way or another) - I am scared because I don't want to be ending a relationship this long and pinning all my hopes on the new 'thing' but at the moment it feels right and has just been the thing to spur me on to do something about my own happiness.

    And most of all it feels right.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    byny wrote:
    I feel like a total cow and I know he is going to mount a campaign to convince me to stay but I haven't been happy for years and him mtelling me now how much he loves me doesn't mean anything because he hasn't properly shown it for a long time.

    Same here, again. Too little, too late.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am breaking his heart and ruining his life it seems but I can't stay and have my life ruined. I have never done anything like this before and it's really scary because I feel like I have the power to make his life ok again but I don't want to and that seems so cruel. What can i say to him to make him ok? :confused: I guess only time will make things better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can't make him OK. Only he can do that, in time. You won't ruin his life. If you stayed with him out of pity, THAT would ultimately be cruel and that might ruin his life, because you'd actually be condemning him to a life stuck in a loveless relationship.... as it is he now has the chance to eventually find someone who will love him and make him happy. From what you've said it doesn't REALLY sound like either of you have been happy, regardless of what he's saying at the moment. He's not thinking straight.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Much much happier now.... ex being civil, I am in the spare room and I feel happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Brilliant news :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have no fear that I have made the right decision now. Am seeing how things go now with this whole new start. It feels exciting and right. I guess the hardest bit is getting the words out and sticking to them. I know we (the ex and I) will have our troubles while dividing our belongings and house, but it all feels good :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Byny,

    I feel your pain here cause I'm going through almost the same situation (long term, 5 years, but minus the living together thing), and it is really hard to do, but I'm glad you found the courage to do it. It took me three months away in America to work up the guts to do it, and it was still really hard to do when I got back... Especially since it was the first thing I did after I got some sleep and a wash. Anyway, I hope you're doing ok and keeping on being positive. I know it's hard just now, but keep your chin up.

    KoG
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah - I'm ok. Bit of a wobble from him couple of days ago but it's all good. It's hard to pluck up the courage to do it, and sometimes hard to stick to the decision but this time I know I am doing the right thing! I think generally you just know when it's not right anymore and there's no fight left in you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So. Have moved into the spare room properly now and it's a shambles. Don't know how long I can live like this TBH, but don't want to rush into selling and freak my ex out. We can be amicable, and more or less it has been. Which is weird really.

    This morning he asked me if I was planning to move out over New Year (He's going away) which I thought was a bit odd. He thought because I had stuff in boxes etc that I was going to leave.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he probably wants some closure too. Is he in a position to buy you out?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no - I don't want him to. I think we can live there a while and then sell. I don't want to stay in that city in a big old house, would rather move later all in one go!

    Does that sound weird.

    I think we can live together quite reasonably!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You might be kidding yourself Byny.
    He might find that quite painful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On the contrary - when I mentioned to him this morning that we should sit down and talk about what we're going to do - he looked more shocked by the suggestion that we might actually sell the place. Maybe it's that he hasn't really come to terms with what's happening?

    Is it possible though that he's realised that we can't be lovers anymore but that after 12 years he still thinks we can be friends? I mean, when he suggested helping me with my stuff tonight and I told him I would be late back he said, casually, and with a grin 'oh - going to see your boyfriend?'
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