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Messed Things Up :/

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right I was seeing this lad through August till the start of this month, when we kinda mutually agreed it wasnt going anywhere. But I was a bit funny in the head at the time, and I really can't stop thinking about him and move on. I'm like, obsessed, and I keep messing things up between him and I, so we can't even manage to be mates. Its like I can't bear to talk to him normally whilst I still fancy him.

For most of the time we were seeing eachother, he was reaaally keen, texting me telling me he hopes this lasts a long time, and telling me he can't believe his luck etc. Such a lovely guy, we're really similar (both pretty shy), and I really thought things were going well and we were perfect together. Then, he suddenly turns and says he doesn't want a relationship at all, and basically stops talking to me.

I've got shit self-esteem, and I've just been diagnosed with depression, so I can't stop thinking this is all my fault, and I'm obviously not worth being with etc etc. I'm getting really bitter and obsessive, and its really not doing me any good.

I had a bit of a shit weekend, where I told a few close mates about my depression, and they basically turned on me.. so on Saturday, I got incredibly drunk, and made an awful fool of myself (although I can't remember a thing). And I basically phoned this lovely guy and gave him shit for about an hour :(. I'm so messed up.

How can I move on, and be happy? (Although all I really want is him back).

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have the doctors given you anything to help??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive been in the same position as you- met someone i REALLY REALLY liked over summer, was great at first he said such lovely things we were perfect for eachother etc etc etc then he started being all weird and distant. i couldnt stop thinking about him but as hard as i tried he drifted and now is gone.

    that was 3 months ago. i still think about him every day of course but the pain is easing.... keeping your distance and time are the only things that may help.

    im really sorry to hear you have depression, as lucifer said, have you any medication? come and talk to us any time on here if u feel depressed.
    hope u feel better soon x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *big hugs for you*

    You sound like you are going through something I went through in the middle of the year. I went out with this guy for a very short time and things were going really well then he suddenly dumped me, I went off the rails for err a few months :o Is very embarassing looking back at it but hey what can you do. Like you, I was depressed and had really shit self esteem. I went out with this guy after being in a nasty relationship with a guy who cheated on me repeatedly for 3 years. It wasn't the right time for me to be in another relationship and I think that was pretty obvious to him and everyone else around me. I needed "me" time. After another blow, it just really sent me to a horrible place inside my head. Not nice. Not nice to look back at. So glad to have gotten through it (spent months feeling suicidal, self harming and not eating/throwing up but it wasn't because of him, it just tipped me over the edge of the iceberg sorta thing)

    However, now, months on. I'm completely fine and 100% happy and I don't even think about him anymore. Not at all. He is just one of my exes who is in my past. Like all my other exes that I thought I'd never get over, I'm over him. You will get over this guy. You will move on and there will be other guys. I promise you. In time, you will forget you dated this guy. You will forget his name. You will meet someone else.

    Don't spend your young years drowning your sorrows on one boy. Its not worth it. Believe me. I know you've probably heard it all before but I've been through so many break ups. I've always got through them despite feeling so shit at the time.

    Do you know what I did to get better this year? I got out there. I got a job, I socialised with new people, I started to focus on what I didn't like about him and how it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I also and kept telling myself that I deserved better and I'd meet someone nicer who wouldn't just drop me like they did.

    Sometimes hun, things just don't work out. Some relationships just don't work out . I've had to learn that just because you get dumped by a guy, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that THAT guy isn't right me. Just like this guy isn't right for you. There is nothing wrong with you ok? I've seen pictures of you are you are really pretty.

    Don't let one guy rule your life like this. Don't make the same mistakes I have by crying day after day after day over one boy. Just don't. These are the best years of your life.

    You don't need this boy hunni. You don't need anyone. I thought I needed someone but now, now I'm on my own, I'm happier than I ever have been in years. Months ago, I was suicidal. I felt as though no boy would ever want me and something was seriously wrong with me and yanno how I feel now? I feel fantastic. I feel happy with myself, I like how I look. I'm confident and the best thing is, I don't feel the need for anyone to be in my life. I'm completely independent. Things can get better if you want to but the only way you are going to feel better is by changing the way you think.

    When you look in that mirror, focus on what you like about yourself. Tell yourself how great you look. Take compliments.

    Tell yourself how you deserve better and how things with this boy wouldn't have worked out anyways.

    If you really feel depressed and stuff, I'd go to the doctors. Good luck in whatever you decide to do and chin up :) xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why did your friends turn on you? Thats terrible :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why did your friends turn on you? Thats terrible :(

    Yeah, some friends. I'd stay away from them to...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all your advice so far :)

    My doctor has put me on the waiting list for cognitive counselling, but its pretty long (8+ weeks). He says he's reluctant to prescribe anyone under 18 anti-depressants.

    My mates said they were fed up with me feeling down and sorry for myself - so yeah they've decided to not know me anymore. Haven't said a word to me all week.

    Tonights gonna be a bit savage. I'm still thinking about him, and I've been told hes planning to pull a certain someone at a party tonight. Boo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What terrible friends!!

    Urgh, so awful knowing theyre off to get someone else :(
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