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Thoughts?

Say you discovered you were pregnant by your recent ex - who treated you awfully, was abusive, a shit partner, is currently avoiding you like the plague and also talking shite about you all over the place. What do you think is your moral obligation to them re: telling them about the situation and giving them input on your final decision?

I have my own views on this, but am wondering what the general concensus is.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your body, your choice. Even if you were in a fully functioning relationship then it would ultimately be your choice.

    If he's been abusive then he definitely doesnt get a say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I never tolod mine when I had an abortion but mine were different reasons.
    Morally is always down to your own morals really. I think if I was still on good terms etc I 'd tell but if not, why rock the boat if you are going o have an abortion regardless of what they say?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think morally, if he is treating you like crap, or youre not even in a relationship, then you have no obligations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If, who you're talking about, does go ahead and have an abortion i'd keep quiet about it in general. If this guy is slagging this person off and being a general shit then they'll only give him more ammunition i.e. 'Yeah she was such a bitch she aborted my baby'. Just a thought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well just to clarify, this isn't me and is not even someone who has asked for my counsel on the subject. Just someone whose situation I have become aware of, and a bit unfortunately as I am rather more linked to the shithead ex-boyfriend than the woman herself, and therefore now the keeper of a big secret which isn't something I relish.

    Yeah I agree that he has forsaken any kind of say by his abusive behaviour, because I can completely understand that she is probably terrified that the moment he finds out he will enforce his own wishes about what happens. Though strangely I can't help feeling a little bit sorry for him in his clueless state. Not that I would ever tell him or interfere in any way, of course.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote:
    If, who you're talking about, does go ahead and have an abortion i'd keep quiet about it in general. If this guy is slagging this person off and being a general shit then they'll only give him more ammunition i.e. 'Yeah she was such a bitch she aborted my baby'. Just a thought.

    This is very true. I could definitely understand her keeping schtum if she has an abortion, but what if she keeps the baby, surely in that circumstance the father always finds out one way or another... :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she keeps the baby, i think she has a duty to let him know, for the child's sake. Guys can be shit bf/partner/husband but a great dad. I don't think any child should be denied access to their father, unless the child would be in some kind of danger obviously. Then of course there's the question of financial support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she has an abortion that's for her alone.

    If she keeps it, the father should have to pay towards it, and should have access to it.

    She doesn't have an obligation for him to be involved in the decision process at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    Well, my opinion is that when it comes to making decisions about whether to proceed with a pregnancy or not, the ultimate, final decision has to rest with the woman (rather obviously I would have thought, although I've found in the past that to be quite controversial). I think the woman has an obligation to discuss it with the man involved and consult him and find out what his opinions and preferences are, and hopefully they'll be able to reach some agreement as to the best course of action; however, in the possibility that after talking about it they still cannot agree, then the woman's views take precedence, every time. Her uterus, her decision.

    HOWEVER; in the scenario you've painted here, where the bloke has been an obnoxious, nasty, abusive piece of shit, I think he's pretty much relinquished his rights to any opinion whatsoever about what happens to you and the unborn baby. If he's abusive he's hardly likely to make an ideal father anyway, and since he treated you with such a lack of respect then I don't see why he deserves any respect from you. So, yeah...in that case, I might be inclined to make the decision entirely unilaterally, and think, well tough shit, you lost your right to have a say by being a bastard.
    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    ETA: So basically, exactly what RubberSkin said :razz:

    Great minds and all that :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Say you discovered you were pregnant by your recent ex - who treated you awfully, was abusive, a shit partner, is currently avoiding you like the plague and also talking shite about you all over the place. What do you think is your moral obligation to them re: telling them about the situation and giving them input on your final decision?

    I have my own views on this, but am wondering what the general concensus is.

    fuck him.
    have the abortion or have the kid either alone or with your new partner.
    He does not need to know.

    (sue for alimony)
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