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low low self esteem

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
so basically... i think i'm really ugly. i know i'm not because my boyfriend tells me i'm not. but sometimes i just worry and get paranoid that i'm not pretty enough to go out with certain groups of friends.
before going out, sometimes i'll make myself really upset because i dont have anything to wear/dont think i look good in what i am wearing.

i was wondering if anyone here before was the same? or is still the same but has some idea of how to change that?
i NEED to change this.

it would help too if i knew what kinda style i wanted to follow, or if i had some idea of how id like to look. but ive tried loads of different ones and i really still dont know.
is there anywhere/way/one that can help??

thank you!!
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's too late at night to go into things but I feel like this a lot. I always think I'm fat, even when I the clothes that I now can't fit up my legs, were baggy on me I still felt fat.
    However, even though I still get low I do have a shit load of confidence but when it falls I turn to my mum, she always boosts me up.
    You get a lot more friendly attention when you have confidence.
    Do youhave anyone that really gives you a boost?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont even know...
    I feel great when my boyfriend's around, like the most beautiful girl in the world. but most of the time when he's gone i feel horrible, and i feel that other people think that about me too.
    meh...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know the feeling, and it sucks. I don't know what to suggest to help, though. Just wanted to say you're not the only one :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you go shopping with your friends? because then you can pick out clothes together and they can tell you if it looks nice on. and then that will make you feel more confident for when you wear it out.

    also how old are you? i'm 22 and in the past couple of years especially i have really come into my own style and figure. i mean occassionally i'll have a fat day but i'll mostly feel great. whereas when i was younger up until about 20 i didn't really know what clothes to wear and i was constantly yo-yo dieting. so i guess part of it is just age.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a fairly big girl and a lot of my female friends are pretty stunning (honestly, I have a lot of hot lady friends :thumb:), but I don't really compare myself to them... Although it gets annoying sometimes because when we go out the men always want to talk to them and ignore me. lol

    Tbh I should have low self-esteem by the way that I look, according to the comments I've had in the past (somebody once stopped me inthe street to call me ugly and I've had people shout at me from cars ect) but I just think that if somebody has an issue with my appearance it's their own issue, not mine.

    Beauty is an equivocal term, only you can get close to defining what you believe it is.

    If somebody is so shallow as to think any of you lovely ladies is not beautiful, they're not deserving of you, simpe as.

    And don't compare yourself to other people, it's not healthy. People love you for who you are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah... I really need to stop comparing myself to others.
    But it's so hard. People are forever telling me (even random girls) how hot my boyfriend is. He never gets that from anyone, and that makes me feel pretty bleh...

    And Lipsy, I'm 19, coming up for 20 so I guess then I'm just at that age that's pissing me off! Heh... Whereas my boyfriend is almost 21 so he's far more comfortable with his lovely figure and himself.

    But I always go shopping on my own. I'm too scared to go shopping with friends. Just in case I really like something that they all hate.
    My other boyfriends used to tell me what to wear and how to dress but my current boyfriend likes me to do that for myself, ya know? So it's like discovering myself all over again which is pretty weird. If that makes sense?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go shopping with your friends then! it will give you a huge confidence boost. and don't worry about them not liking something you do.. i mean we all have different tastes. me and my mates sometimes use the classic line "yeh it looks nice... on you!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, i guess that would probably help!

    problem is knowing even what i want to where, or what i want to look like. i spend HOURS browsing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everyone has low days. even if you're super pretty there's always going to be someone you think is prettier than you..even if you're a size 8 you'll have days where you think you're chubby or whatever. it's part of life.

    is it just low self esteem with regards to your whole appearance? or your body or face or the clothes you wear?

    same with lipsy, i think as i'm getting older (well i'm only 21 but still older!) i'm much more comfortable in my own body. though sure i'd rather the middle age spread wasn't coming after me.. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ah yeah... i guess buying loads of new clothes really won't help! at least i got that clear in my head before i spend all my student loan!!

    i dont like my face
    my body's a bit bleh
    and i dont even have a decent sense of style
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs. I know what you're going through. There's not a day goes by when I don't panic about the way that I look. I realise that part of my problem is that I have "friends" who make me feel bad about myself - little sly comments and digs. I've now just wiped the last of these so called friends from my life which kind of leaves me without anyone to turn to but for the first time in a long time, I actually feel better about myself. I'm me and no-one is going to judge me - easy to say that when I 'm sitting at home in my pyjamas and don't have to go out til Monday though. Anyhoo, the point of this reply is to ask whether it's maybe your choice of friends that's the problem. If you don't dare to go shoppping with them then maybe they don't make you feel comfortable and good about yourself!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's more a case of they have quite a lot of money... I can't afford to be buying things from FCUK even if I wanted to. And...I dunno... I'm just very aware of that. I know that my clothes aren't as flash, and they look so good in their delicate rich people clothes so I feel not so pretty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    ah yeah... i guess buying loads of new clothes really won't help! at least i got that clear in my head before i spend all my student loan!!

    i dont like my face
    my body's a bit bleh
    and i dont even have a decent sense of style


    nice clothes can make you look better and feel more confident but deep down they won't help. if you don't believe people when they compliment you, then new clothes won't help.

    what don't you like about your face? do you wear make up and make the most of your features?

    and same with your body - do you think you're overweight, is this what's making you happy? perhaps you could do some exercise if you don't do already. i know after i've been to the gym i feel much better about myself (not when i'm all red-faced and sweaty though!).

    and what is a decent sense of style? we all like wearing different things and all have our own individual styles.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see. If you dressed from there you'd just look the same as every one else though. Pride yourself on being different. As far as shopping without stress goes, I go for ebay everytime. That way, you don't have to try stuff on in front of others and you can get designer (nearly new and new) gear at cheaaap prices!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Loopi wrote:
    I see. If you dressed from there you'd just look the same as every one else though. Pride yourself on being different. As far as shopping without stress goes, I go for ebay everytime. That way, you don't have to try stuff on in front of others and you can get designer (nearly new and new) gear at cheaaap prices!

    Not always definite that the clothes will fit properly though or look nice :(

    Anyway you have changing rooms to change in, no one can see you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's a shop near me that sells designer stuff like diesel, g-star, religion etc. they only have 2 small changing room cubicles and no mirrors inside them. you have to go out of the cubicle and walk into the main shop and use the big mirror that covers most of the back wall of the store. i hate it, it's horrible! i like to be able to see what i look like before anyone else does and i always like to spend ages looking at every possible angle thinking 'does it look right?'. :grump:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's a shop near me that sells designer stuff like diesel, g-star, religion etc. they only have 2 small changing room cubicles and no mirrors inside them. you have to go out of the cubicle and walk into the main shop and use the big mirror that covers most of the back wall of the store. i hate it, it's horrible! i like to be able to see what i look like before anyone else does and i always like to spend ages looking at every possible angle thinking 'does it look right?'. :grump:

    I can imagine it'd be quite embarassing if you looked a complete twat :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    I think it's more a case of they have quite a lot of money... I can't afford to be buying things from FCUK even if I wanted to. And...I dunno... I'm just very aware of that. I know that my clothes aren't as flash, and they look so good in their delicate rich people clothes so I feel not so pretty.


    i have some nice clothes, but many of them i've bought in the sales. why don't you wait until january and see if there's anything nice you like? even if it's just a few little things it can make you feel more confident (though like i said in your cause i doubt it'd help - you need to address the root of the problem :)).

    i know it's a bit materialistic but i like wearing/owning nice clothes i.e. by more expensive labels.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know... it's really not the clothes. But I'd like to have some kind of idea of how I'd like to look.

    I only tend to wear makeup when I go out. Everyone says they envy me cause I can go out without makeup and my skin still looks great. But I feel prettier when I wear makeup, or at least, just eye makeup. It's stupid, but I'm scared about what people might think if I suddenly start wearing makeup all the time. Meh.

    I know I'm not overweight. By any stretch of the imagination. But I feel fat. I used to be quite underweight, and I liked that. My boyfriend insists that it's better that I have something to my figure rather than just skin, but sometimes I feel a bit tubby. I think if I toned my stomach a bit I'd feel better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    I can imagine it'd be quite embarassing if you looked a complete twat :p


    well it's not that i'm particularly self-conscious but when you're trying something on (especially jeans 'cause i'm really fussy!) it's nice to have a look by yourself without other people being able to see, too. if i wanted to go out of the cubicle and ask their advice then i would!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    I know... it's really not the clothes. But I'd like to have some kind of idea of how I'd like to look.

    I only tend to wear makeup when I go out. Everyone says they envy me cause I can go out without makeup and my skin still looks great. But I feel prettier when I wear makeup, or at least, just eye makeup. It's stupid, but I'm scared about what people might think if I suddenly start wearing makeup all the time. Meh.

    I know I'm not overweight. By any stretch of the imagination. But I feel fat. I used to be quite underweight, and I liked that. My boyfriend insists that it's better that I have something to my figure rather than just skin, but sometimes I feel a bit tubby. I think if I toned my stomach a bit I'd feel better.


    have you ever posted a picture of yourself on here? :)

    i wasn't suggesting to wear make-up all the time but sometimes even just a bit of mascara can brighten your face up. and you're lucky if people compliment you on your skin! i have quite good skin but still get the occasional spot (i have a sensitive chin, apparantly!). :grump:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tee hee!

    Yeah, I think I have... but no one noticed it!
    Maybe I should?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go for it. :)

    is your self esteem really that bad though? as in does it stop you from going places? we all get low sometimes. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I often won't go out if I really feel that bad.
    I came back from a lecture in tears because I was sure the girls along from me where laughing/talking about me. They might well have been, but that just goes to show you how I think about myself.

    So...will I put something up on the photo thread?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's more paranoia though, isn't it? what on earth would they want to laugh at you for?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cause I look like a reject. And I think my tshirt was a bit snug.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol what?!

    you're just being silly now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOLZORDS

    well, i've put up a couple of pictures. they're not great cause i don't really do photographs... but they're there nonetheless...

    xo
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