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How do you dump somebody?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, this is keeping me awake.
Started seeing somebody about three or four weeks ago, went on a few dates things went well, having a good laugh etc.
Last few days though, I've been thinking more and more about ending it, mainly because I think she's getting a bit attached, just the way she looks at me, her body language, some of the stuff she's been texting (like how I'm her special boy and stuff) and I'm not sure that's what I really want or need justnow. She's a bit stroppy at times too, but so am I so I can't really hold that against her.
Anyway, I'm wanting to have the talk with her about it, but I've only ever dumped one person years ago and I handled it all wrong and stuff. I don't know if she's picked up on what I've been feeling about things, but it's been mostly "How are you, what you up to?" type texts over the weekend rather than me flirting or anything. I'd really like to do it face to face because I think it's only fair, but I'll be fucked if I know what else to do.
Is there a way to sort of prepare her for the worst? Do I ask her to come and see me down the pub after work? Maybe not a great idea because she'll think it's a date and I'll probably end up with a pint of cider over my head. Dunno if going up to her halls would be a good idea, she lives with 5 other girls so I'd expect to be lynched.
I just hate the thought of doing it because she is a really nice girl and I really, really don't like the thought of maybe hurting her feelings.
Cheers in advance
Started seeing somebody about three or four weeks ago, went on a few dates things went well, having a good laugh etc.
Last few days though, I've been thinking more and more about ending it, mainly because I think she's getting a bit attached, just the way she looks at me, her body language, some of the stuff she's been texting (like how I'm her special boy and stuff) and I'm not sure that's what I really want or need justnow. She's a bit stroppy at times too, but so am I so I can't really hold that against her.
Anyway, I'm wanting to have the talk with her about it, but I've only ever dumped one person years ago and I handled it all wrong and stuff. I don't know if she's picked up on what I've been feeling about things, but it's been mostly "How are you, what you up to?" type texts over the weekend rather than me flirting or anything. I'd really like to do it face to face because I think it's only fair, but I'll be fucked if I know what else to do.
Is there a way to sort of prepare her for the worst? Do I ask her to come and see me down the pub after work? Maybe not a great idea because she'll think it's a date and I'll probably end up with a pint of cider over my head. Dunno if going up to her halls would be a good idea, she lives with 5 other girls so I'd expect to be lynched.
I just hate the thought of doing it because she is a really nice girl and I really, really don't like the thought of maybe hurting her feelings.
Cheers in advance
0
Comments
To be honest I'm not really a fan of doing it face to face... I mean, if you've made up your mind then there's nothing really to say for either of you apart from "This isn't what I want right now." And like you say, if you arrange to meet up after work it does sound a bit like another date and is kind of messing her around by setting her up with a false impression of what to expect from the evening.
Personally I would go for a text along the lines of "Fancy meeting up later? I'm not happy with the way things are going with us so I think we should probably have a talk." That way she knows the score but you're not being callous because you're giving her the opportunity to talk to you about it if she wants to.
If you meet up with her it's probably going to end with her either her getting mad/upset and storming out, or talking round in circles trying to figure out what she did wrong or whether she can change your mind. If you're not there when the bombshell hits then she has time to get over the initial shock and if she wants to try talking round in circles she's quite welcome to, otherwise she just doesn't have to see you at all if she's too upset to.
If someone likes you and you don't like them then there's nothing you can do to not hurt their feelings over it. Dumping someone is rubbish but if it has to be done then it's best sooner rather than later, and it's best in one quick rip (like taking off a plaster) rather than dropping hints for a while and then getting round to spitting it out. Good luck.
Basically you'll just have to be honest. She's an adult and therefore should know that sometimes things don't work out, and one person just doesn't develop the feelings that the other does. Tell her what you told us, in that you feel like things are racing into relationship territory and you feel the need to slam the brakes on, because you're not in the right place for that at the moment. The only important thing is that you don't leave it too long. Most people (and especially women) can sense when something's up in their relationships and it'd be cruel to let her work herself up into a state wondering what was wrong.
My advice? "Welcome to dumpsville. Population: You." That oughta do it.
Cheers folks
I was dumped once before on the phone. I really didn't appreciate it and thought the guy was a coward for doing so despite the distance. It really upset me at the time. It was originally by email though so I suppose the phone call was an upgrade.
However, you haven't actually said if you are official. In my book, seeing each other and being bf/gf is different. If you are just seeing each other then maybe it is ok doing it over the phone. If you are bf/gf I'd definately do it face to face. Just my opinion, like.
If I dump someone, its always face to face. I am usually very honest. I explain why I don't think things are working out and why I don't want it sorta thing. I find honesty is the best policy because the truth will only come out in the end. I am also guilty for doing the whole "its not you, its me" line. Thats because it usually is though.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Let us know xxx
i think i'd appreciate the thought but it's not really necessary. just more dramatic for him.
Well I did phone and we had a bit of a chat. I think I realised I was a bit scared of getting hurt and a bit pissed off at myself for not being able just to see somebody and have a laugh with them, cause I suppose could potentially see myself really liking her but I'm not sure if I'm ready.
Anyhow, we were supposed to be going to a gig on Friday but I told her to go with her mate who she was supposed to be going with in the first place and I'd maybe go up to hers after because I was going on the piss with my mate and she was fine with it.
Then later on my mate falls over and smashes his face off the dancefloor steps and we get a free ambulance ride to A&E, we're there till about 5am and I've forgotten all about her till I wake up on the Saturday morning. I text her to say sorry for not going up to hers and explained and she's all "Well if you didn't want to you should've just said", which wasn't true
But we've been texting again, so fuck knows really.
Very gently.
*goes to edit original post*
- but at what point do you stop 'seeing someone' and actually become boyfriend and girlfriend? is it after a certain amount of time, or does it really depend on the relationship and the feelings of the couple in question as to when that border is crossed?
just that ive never really been in a proper relationship before and.. was wandering basically
those were the days. :grump:
I brought it up with my current fella, but I already knew the score when I brought it up in conversation. I probably wouldn't have done it so directly otherwise.
aww i like that