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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Just to update people who don't read my LJ- been put on anti depressants, going back for more counselling.

    Ballerina- 2 years is brilliant! I wish I could say that I have gone that long.
    it wasn't easy...i thinks its more just over one and a half, i think....my head was such a mess then i can't even remember when i stopped

    i didn't drastically sh anyway, it was just bad scratching with sharp objects so it would go red and raised but be gone in a few hours so know one ever knew. In a way i wish i'd cut so maybe i would have been helped sooner. Never mind though lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you still did good
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Just to update people who don't read my LJ- been put on anti depressants, going back for more counselling.

    Good for you, your getting the help you need. Keep your chin up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good for you, your getting the help you need. Keep your chin up.
    Cheers. Hate the bloody things, but oh well :)

    Have harmed and slipped up more than ever recently too, am mega pissed off, but oh well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did bad last night.

    Fuck it.

    Two and a half months.

    I'm an idiot.

    My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I feel like I wanna cry again. I need hugs. I wanna throw up or something.

    Just....fuck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry you feel shitty again franki
    hope you feel better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Hugs Franki* come on you, two and a months without doing it is a really good thing. You are not an idiot at all, I certainly dont think you are. Your not human if you didnt slip up.

    Kirsty - Same applies to you, even if you hate the ADs they might just help you, even though the side-effects can be a bit shitty. You know where I'am if you want to talk, feel free to email me if you need a rant.

    :heart: to you both.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Hugs Franki* come on you, two and a months without doing it is a really good thing. You are not an idiot at all, I certainly dont think you are. Your not human if you didnt slip up.
    Two and half months for me *isn't* that good though. I always feel bad saying this when there are people that can barely go a week, but it isn't difficult for me to go 3 or 4 months without even thinking about it. Just...meh. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, thankfully. Not for the minute, anyway.

    Meh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jus cant cope anymore
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki: I did it the other week, and I hadn't cut properly for about three years. *shrug*

    Kirsty: *hug*

    You can cope, you know you can:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote:
    Two and half months for me *isn't* that good though. I always feel bad saying this when there are people that can barely go a week, but it isn't difficult for me to go 3 or 4 months without even thinking about it. Just...meh. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, thankfully. Not for the minute, anyway.

    Meh.

    Differet people can go different times, I'm okay at the moment I seem able to not even think about it for days on end. You just have to keep trying, the longest I've gone since I was 15 is about six months, which isnt that good over 6 years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm still holding you all in mind. I don't post here often because I don't want people to think that I'm always just going "aw hugs" for the sake of it, like. But I do read it and I do hold you all in mind and in prayer, if that means owt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    I'm still holding you all in mind. I don't post here often because I don't want people to think that I'm always just going "aw hugs" for the sake of it, like. But I do read it and I do hold you all in mind and in prayer, if that means owt.

    No its nice to know that theres someone out there who understands what your going through and supporting in anyway they can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've havent done it for about a month now, but if I make it to the end of next week I'd be amazed.

    I posted that the 22nd and I quite royally fucked up last night, both arms as well which is really rare for me. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I posted that the 22nd and I quite royally fucked up last night, both arms as well which is really rare for me. :(
    *Hugs Marie* Thinking of you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    *Hugs Marie* Thinking of you.
    Thanks. I just had a conversation with someone who accidentley triggered me off, but then I was boiling up towards slipping at some point soon anyway, you just know sometimes.

    *Hugs Kirtsy* hope your okay as well babe.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm getting there thankyou, getting used to the anti depressants too, even if the side effects can be a little harsh :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neva posted on one o these b4, I started sh when i was 13. I quite often go 4 a while without doin it, but i jus moved to uni n iv started again more cause i kno i won't get caught than coz movin stressed me. Messed up but i don't really wanna stop it helps me n if sumat does thats gotta be good?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm starting to feel like I'm losing it. And I'm scared:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The dude who was saying he was going to kill himself cos my friend wouldn't go out with him, well the school nurse or whatever spoke to him, and he was fine. She's now dating someone else... and tells me (upset) that she's read his latest LJ entry.
    Over these past few months if anything the only thing I have looked to with any certainty is my need to end it by committing suicide. I've never had the gut for it before, because there was too much to leave behind. And yet now? What am I leaving behind? My family? My friends? The only thing that has kept me going for the past two weeks it that little white bear who sits behind me, he's all that I talk to now, I just wish he'd talk back to me.

    ...
    When the pain won't go away, and the cutting won't ease it, what the hell am I left with? I have no one to turn to and no one who understands. I have the thoughts and dreams that keep me up and scare me to death, and most of all I have a fractured soul. Things have finally come full circle. I have come from last March on a steady accent to the pinnacle of my life, yet what comes up must go down, and I have rapidly tumbled, burning from grace.

    How much further must I descend before I finally lose my will all together? To be brutally honest, I hope that I reach it soon.

    God grant me strength, give me courage, and send me to hell for what I have done, because I am no longer worthy of life's grace.

    I've told her not to bother with him anymore, just let him do it if thats what he wants. He needs a really good punch in the face, because it's so unbelievably obvious he's just doing it to upset this poor girl. She's only 17, is trying to do her A levels, and this psycho is... targetting her like this. Yet the school seem to think 'there isnt a problem'.

    Should I turn up on my bike in leathers and have a word? :cool:

    P.s. sorry again if I've been too forawrd, you guys are the only ones I know to to speak about this...

    p.p.s he says he doesn't want her to worry, yet she's still the only one on his flist. I don't think he realises a) she told her teacher b) she tells her friends what he writes on there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could have a word, but I'm not too sure that will change anything. He really does need help, tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id have a word
    its unfair what hes doing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whats wrong?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whats wrong?
    Just feeling a bit sad and nothingy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote:
    Just feeling a bit sad and nothingy.

    *gives randomgirl a big hug*

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Phoenix_ wrote:
    *gives randomgirl a big hug*

    :)
    thanks :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i feel the same.

    if i fall now, i cant imagine ill ever be able to pick myself up.....again.
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