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Multiple Dating
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
What do people think of this?
I recently met 2 guys and i have been out on a couple of dates with them so far with plans to see them again. obviously they don't know about each other and i have no idea if they are just seeing me or not.
is it wrong to date more than one person? its pretty common in USA but all my mates have laughed and jokingly called me a hussy etc.
at what point should things be exclusive? when you both have 'the talk' or when you start sleeping together?
im totally captivated by guy number 1 - he is stunning. i still fancy guy number 2 but in a way im leading him on because hes not my favourite, more like a back-up plan.
i just dont know whether im in the wrong here or not.
I recently met 2 guys and i have been out on a couple of dates with them so far with plans to see them again. obviously they don't know about each other and i have no idea if they are just seeing me or not.
is it wrong to date more than one person? its pretty common in USA but all my mates have laughed and jokingly called me a hussy etc.
at what point should things be exclusive? when you both have 'the talk' or when you start sleeping together?
im totally captivated by guy number 1 - he is stunning. i still fancy guy number 2 but in a way im leading him on because hes not my favourite, more like a back-up plan.
i just dont know whether im in the wrong here or not.
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Comments
I don't think you're wrong to not be exclusive, but just be careful you don't piss about with other people's feelings.
I regularly date numerous guys, when I start to get feelings for someone that's when I cut it with the others.
I had a lot of shit with one guy I went on a date with once, he stalked me for ages and ages and he ended up getting his sister to try and beat me up!
All because he thought a date meant you are a full on item.
So best to be honest!
Another thing I think it depends on is how "relationshippy" the dating is, really. If dating/seeing these blokes means you're spending time/the night at their house and behaving as a couple, well, I think assumptions could be made on their part. But if it's nights out, going for a drink etc then it's not so clear-cut. Either way, it's definitely good to talk about it and get it out in the open.
I say go for it girly...
Simply put, until you have a commitment to either of them, you don't owe them anything.
Have your fun.
I think the only thing you have to take into account is that if the 2nd guy is relationshippy, try getting the point over that it's not what you're looking for.
2 dates hardly constitutes anything serious though and if he get's weird after 2 dates, you're probably better off not bothering with him!
G.
well i guess then everyone is going to see this situation differently, some think im being unfair and some think its fair game. i'll just see what happens.
But to answer the question, I don't think it's wrong. But it's probably a good idea to imagine that each of them has another girl on the go, just to see how you'd feel about it. If you want to keep it up, it might be a good idea to set some boundaries so that the blokes can make up their own mind. You don't have to go so far as to say that you're seeing someone else. You can just hint at your feelings about relationships in a conversation, and it should be pretty easy to tell whether he has the same values as you with regards to exclusivity. If it turns out he doesn't then there's no need to embarrass him, just break it off, or stop seeing the other one. But remember it can't be one rule for you and another for him.
I always find whenever someone becomes my bf, I always think they are better looking than anyone else anyway!
Cause if they did then I'm pretty sure it'd end in tears one way or another.
If not then it's cool as long as you know where to draw the line.
If I found out I was a back-up, then I'd fuck off. It's different if everyone knows what is going on, but as you've said in your original post that they don't know about each other, I think you're doing wrong here.
But hey, I know I'm in the minority with my views. I just treat people like I'd hope to be treated myself.
Exactly. I think if its more than a few dates then keeping them both on is out of order, and frankly a little strange.
how is it strange?? loads of lads have more than one girl on the go. so i've been asked out by 2 guys i liked and accepted. its not strange at all.
I find the idea of anyone dating more than one person strange, that's just my view, if you're going to have a relationship then surely you need to invest emotions and time into it, I cant imagine being able to do this with multipule people. And yes 'loads of lads' might do it, but then a large percentage of men seem like complete arseholes to me.
However, having said that, just having two dates to 'test the water' as it were seems fine.
I also don't see anything wrong with sleeping with multiple people, as long as you're all protected. I only stop that kind of activity when I decide I want to be with one person - and that has been over a year since that last happened.
I'm all for people having as much fun as they can - just try not to hurt people in the process... I don't particularly like lying to people, but it's a case of what somebody doesn't know can't hurt them.
Oh - and I'm not an arsehole. Quite a nice bloke, to be honest... I've just not met that right person to stop my tart-ish ways.
It is? Just cuz they might do it on the OC or whatever shit show they have on now :yuck: :rolleyes:
I'm with Budda though, on the back up plan. If they know about eachother and your intentions, though, then its a different situation.
On one hand, its bad to compare one to another
on the other, nothing wrong with 'test drives'
then again I know fuck all about dating so have fun anyway!
like she's said elsewhere, things with the first guy might not work out.
the first guy might be better looking but she might also find that personality wise she prefers the second one and thus later on he becomes better looking to her and possibly more relationship material than guy 1.
who knows!