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I'm a bit of a lame-o really
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
To keep this short and sweet firstly I'd like to say that I'm not unhappy, but confused.
I've always lived with the perception that I am not girlfriend material, not something that has ever really bothered me, I'm used to it. Anyway I was talking to my best friend last night about how nobody ever comes on to me or seems interested and he said that he's seen a fair few people interested, it's just that I either shrug them off or don't seem to notice/believe it.
An issue I have is that my dyspraxia makes some communication skills harder for me, so things like body language and hints can be difficult to read. I've had boyfriends before and a couple of interests (male and female) who haven't really bloomed in to much... Women are the worst... Confusing!!!
But I was just wondering, for future references how you can tell if somebody is interested, or just friendly.
I've been friendly before and people have thought that I'm interested, I've been interested and people have thought I am just friendly...
Most of the time I just have no idea what's going on. lol
I've always lived with the perception that I am not girlfriend material, not something that has ever really bothered me, I'm used to it. Anyway I was talking to my best friend last night about how nobody ever comes on to me or seems interested and he said that he's seen a fair few people interested, it's just that I either shrug them off or don't seem to notice/believe it.
An issue I have is that my dyspraxia makes some communication skills harder for me, so things like body language and hints can be difficult to read. I've had boyfriends before and a couple of interests (male and female) who haven't really bloomed in to much... Women are the worst... Confusing!!!
But I was just wondering, for future references how you can tell if somebody is interested, or just friendly.
I've been friendly before and people have thought that I'm interested, I've been interested and people have thought I am just friendly...
Most of the time I just have no idea what's going on. lol
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Comments
Why do you shrug people off, do you convince yourself that they're not right for you or some other reason?
When I got tested for dyspraxia and found out I had it, then I started reading a bit on body language, so I am learning (when I came to uni a friend noted that I didn't use my hands or expressions when I talk, though I've taught myself now)...
Although maybe they are unsure...
I have difficulty in the situation, not understanding as well as I should the moves, the social cues ect (I don't mind admitting it, it's not something I feel sorry about, it's just I am trying to learn) and sometimes things people say... For example sarcasm, that and I have to consciously remind myself to make eye contact and not look elsewhere. That and I have difficulty listening...
It is something that has affected relationships before, sometimes I come across as rude or abrupt, sometimes scatty and sometimes my speech is too fast.
Then of course there is the thing of "do I tell them I have a development disorder because although I do not see myself as disabled or whatever, if they think I'm wierd/rude/scatty then they'll know why".
I dont think there are set cues to look out for as such, just be yourself and be friendly and the rest sort of falls into place.
I think if you get close to someone then it is important to tell them. My ex-girlfriend has aspergers syndrome, she did/said a lot of things that seemed strange (before I knew she had aspergers). At first, I didn't really mind because I liked her so much... but without explaination over time she just seemed rude and unexplainable.
I can't tell you the answer to this MoonRat because I'm the same, I never have a clue if someone's interested or just friendly. But I have to say I disagree with budda, people always say "you can just tell if someone likes you", but how? There must be signs to watch for if it's so obvious. I'd be interested to hear suggestions on this as well as MoonRat!
There was a Thread I read a while ago about How to tell if someone really does like you. I Think its called 'How to chat someone up' ALthough it doesn't sound the obvious choice for this kind of thing Katralla actually wrote some quite interesting stuff about body language and so on. Hope You find it helpful.
About Budda's comment, It might just be an isolated incident but when I was at school my best friend just seemed to happen to me, its quite odd because I remember not being friends then we were just kind of friends. Hes still my best mate to this day but I still cant for the life of me remember what happened to make us friends.
Longer stares, more frequent touches of your hand, pulling their hair away, frequemtly more attention on you than anyone else, laughing loudly at ur jokes etc.
All signs to look out for!
hehe, all good observations however sometimes body clues are very subtle. Also, taking your feel rule, what happens if the person has their feet facing you because it's simply more comfortable for them?!
Say someone's feet are pointing at you as it's comfy, try checking every time you are sat, if their are pointing at you etc.
then I look back and think god how was I acting?! all part fo the fun n games tho
We all vary in our abilities to spot the subtleties of communication, particularly when it comes to body language, it just comes naturally to some while others have to watch more carefully. Try not to stress about it
Hope that helps,
Lucy
Heh... It's just what my friend said made me paranoid at the time. I have had partners in the past so I'm not completely useless.
Sometimes my dyspraxia makes it harder and in a way, although I am not very severe I am worried that somebody would like me less for it.
I dunno, am rambling