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Has anybody else found this with age...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
At 21, i'm hardly an old man, but I think back to when I was like 15, 16 or 17 and when I liked a girl back then, I remember falling head over heels and being almost besotted. These days when I like a girl or get involved with a girl, I find it a real effort to even be bothered. I know that sounds bad, but no matter how much I make myself try, that's the way it is. Has anybody else found this or something similar over time?

I've read scientific rants about how the chemicals that make you feel lust or love or whatever, lessen in your body as you get older. Or do you think it's more that you are afraid of getting hurt when you get older due to past experiences so you tend to keep yourself in a bubble and not let anyone else in. Or has my heart just turned to stone lol?!

In some ways I miss feeling like that - the buzz, the excitement, the chase etc, even if it was harmful, because sometimes they didn't like me back, but it made me feel really alive. In other ways I think i'm better the way I am now because life is safe these days, no pain, and I don't have to put my heart on the line. But in other ways I think that's bad because life gets dull sometimes, and you start to wonder whether you'll ever feel the way you did again...

Any experiences anyone?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would say that im more cautious and quite reluctant to enter relationships and actually make someone my boyfriend. however i love meeting new guys and i always like to be involved with someone. so yeh the feelings of being excited and lustful or even loved up are still there.

    im not sure why i dont take things seriously with guys though. i mean i've never really been hurt by a guy. the only time i was was when i was 16 and this guy said he loved me and we had this thing for a couple of months and then he met someone else at his school! i think i just find meeting new poeple exciting and im not ready to settle down yet. also i dont think i've met the right guy yet either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i would say that im more cautious and quite reluctant to enter relationships and actually make someone my boyfriend. however i love meeting new guys and i always like to be involved with someone. so yeh the feelings of being excited and lustful or even loved up are still there.

    im not sure why i dont take things seriously with guys though. i mean i've never really been hurt by a guy. the only time i was was when i was 16 and this guy said he loved me and we had this thing for a couple of months and then he met someone else at his school! i think i just find meeting new poeple exciting and im not ready to settle down yet. also i dont think i've met the right guy yet either.

    Interesting. Yeah, I guess I do find meeting new girls fun and a bit of a thrill still - it's just two weeks later when I start to think 'Nah not really my type, cant be bothered'. Same as you, I don't think i've met the right person yet either, but I just think that maybe I should be having fun with some of the people I meet and have been meeting in the last couple of years, and making an effort and that, because when I do meet the right person, I can settle down knowing that I've done all the having sex with different people and dating and that sort of stuff, but still I can't really be bothered. I feel like because all my mates are doing it, I should be doing it to - but am I just different? I am supposed to be a one woman guy or something? And then as well, if I don't give some of these people a go, how can i know for sure i've not already met the right person and not given it a proper chance? Or would I have known if somebody was the right person instantly? Lol, the questions are endless...!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think hormones do play a part, once you're out of your teens your hormones will stabilise and you won't get the extremes of mood you get in adolescence. It isn't a bad thing, really, and you will still get the buzz of the new person if you meet someone you actually like a lot.

    I think people as they get older care less about having the partner, they enjoy their own company more, and can take or leave most new partners they meet.

    There's way more than one person for everyone- a lot of it depends on when you meet them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe you're just happy being on your own for now. you don't have to do what your mates do either. one of my friends lost her virginity to her boyfriend at 17 and is still with him 5 years later yet another of my friends has never had any kind of relationship!
    for the girls you do meet, do you just have one night stands or do you not even bother going that far or getting their numbers? do you have any desire to start seeing someone or does it scare you or not even appeal to you?
    i wouldn't worry about missing out on meeting the right person because you've not given it a chance. you're still really young and its obviously not the right time for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    I think people as they get older care less about having the partner, they enjoy their own company more, and can take or leave most new partners they meet.
    :yes: when i was younger up until about i was about 19/20 i NEEDED a boyfriend but now i dont.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    maybe you're just happy being on your own for now. you don't have to do what your mates do either. one of my friends lost her virginity to her boyfriend at 17 and is still with him 5 years later yet another of my friends has never had any kind of relationship!
    for the girls you do meet, do you just have one night stands or do you not even bother going that far or getting their numbers? do you have any desire to start seeing someone or does it scare you or not even appeal to you?
    i wouldn't worry about missing out on meeting the right person because you've not given it a chance. you're still really young and its obviously not the right time for you.

    Thanks for the further input guys.

    To answer your questions Lipsy, the usual pattern is I go on a couple of dates or something, tell myself the're not really my type or something and walk away before the chance for sex even comes along. As for your other question I guess that's where i'm mixed up. Occasionally (Not that often) I get so down because I've never had a serious relationship and I tell myself it's the one thing I want right now more than anything else. And that always holds true - it is something I know I want. But when it actually comes to the point where I've met someone, gone on a couple of dates and there is actually a chance of something serious happening, I get scared I guess. I get scared of the commitment, scared of the thought of having my whole life changed and (Because i've sometimes had slightly low self-esteem in the past) maybe scared of being kind to myself and actually realising that I do deserve it. So, yeah it's wierd, I do know I want it, but when it actually comes to a chance to get it, it kinda scares me to actually do it, and so I guess I kinda make excuses to make myself feel better like "She's not my type" or "I can't really be bothered" or "my family and friends wouldn't like her anyway" or something along those lines...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think its because when youre younger, so many people seem wonderful and exciting, but as you get older, you realise that hardly any of them are that exciting. It takes a lot lot more to fall in love with someone, but when you do, youll feel like a teenager again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well then thats nothing to do with age and more to do with yourself. when i enter a relationship i feel scared too, its more of a commitment issue for me though. but you've just got to give it a go!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    well then thats nothing to do with age and more to do with yourself. when i enter a relationship i feel scared too, its more of a commitment issue for me though. but you've just got to give it a go!

    Well, I think it's a bit of both. When I was younger I'd have strong feelings almost instantly, and as a result of these feelings I'd just do it and not give a crap about the consequences or the circumstances. Now i'm older, I don't feel anything anywhere near as quick, and that means I think almost to rationally and think about it all to much which makes me scared...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awwww :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    awwww :)

    Lol! :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TBH it sounds like your not meeting the right gals.

    Ive got a few girls, who i like and am chasing, nothing yet, but i do get "those feelings" the anticipation of what they say etc etc

    my 2 cents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Phoenix_ wrote:
    TBH it sounds like your not meeting the right gals.

    Ive got a few girls, who i like and am chasing, nothing yet, but i do get "those feelings" the anticipation of what they say etc etc

    my 2 cents

    Yeah, I really don't know. As you can probably tell from my ramblings so far, I'm not really not sure about anything! There's no doubt there is a fear of commitment there once I'm involved with someone like I said, but as you say, maybe if I met the right person there wouldn't be that fear. I dunno. Clueless lol!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    try not to over analyse everything! its natural to feel lots of things like excitement and lust when you meet someone but then also have doubts too. but rather than talk yourself out of it just go with the flow and see where it leads.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    try not to over analyse everything! its natural to feel lots of things like excitement and lust when you meet someone but then also have doubts too. but rather than talk yourself out of it just go with the flow and see where it leads.

    I'll bear that in mind! ** breathes **
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am 20 now and I wouldn't say head over heels... but at least neck over knees of something, but I am a eeny-weeny bit infatuated right now.

    So I can be bothered, it took long tho, for the right chick to come along.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the usual pattern is I go on a couple of dates or something, tell myself they're not really my type or something and walk away before the chance for sex even comes along.

    I think my boyfriend was similar to this most of the time he was at uni (he was in his final year and nearly 22 when we met). Before me, I think he'd had a few relationships and a few random snogs/flings, but nothing very serious. However, I don't think he was very worried about it at the time, and was having lots of fun in other ways (drinking, drugs and watching football with his posse) so didn't feel there was anything very huge missing in his life.

    We've now been together for nearly 5 and a half years...

    I suppose the main message of this post is, as others have already said, don't get too concerned and over-analytical about your lack of long term relationships, concentrate on enjoying yourself, and when you meet a girl who you really click with, you will be bothered and you will want to make the effort to arrange more dates etc.
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