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I love you, I can't help it... I just love you
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Oh **Helen** 
Well, the point of this thread isnt my undying orgasmic affection for youthnet, this website and the associated wonderful people who keep it running, but they deserve a mention from time to time.
Since my last relationship ended I havent been confronted with the prospect of another romantic interest, yet that changed tonight when two girls grabbed me in a nightclub and started dancing with me. Then started grinding against me. You see where this is going? My issue was, I couldn't follow through because really I just wanted my old girlfriend back.
What makes the issue more complicated is that she loves me. It would be easier if she didn't, if she just left me and didn't look back, and then I could give up all hope. But she left me, looked back, then realised she wanted what she left. Now, she knows after everything that happened we can't get back together, yet because we still care for each other neitehr of us can move on. I think.
I mean, it's feasible she can, but this thread is about me. And I can't, because I love her. But I'm not with her anymore, so why do I hold back when I have it on a plate? I had more than enough dutch courage but just... couldn't. Perhaps I'm queer. I got told I'm a nice guy, which was nice (as one was fairly paraletic lol so I sorted her out and stuff) but still. I've never been in that sitaution before and I could have had some fun, not non-consensual or anything
before people get upset, but just... fair clean fun. But I couldn't because kissing... sex... it means too much to me.
I wish it didn't, because I've been *dry* for a while now and it's making me kind of crazy. Guys, I don't know what to do? Some might say 'give it time, it's natural' but I'm not sure if I'd ever move on, since she was my first love. At times I hated her, despised her, she made me feel sick - but I never stopped loving her. I'm not sure if you do ever stop loving your first love, even if you go on to have happy relationships with other people, they still live an impression on you for the rest of your life - your expectations and wants from a relationship. Aside from the cheating / lying / deception, she taught me that a relationship boils down to making each other happy, it's not abouy technicalities and '10 year plans', but if you can get through today anad be happy with each other, regarldess of everything else - and tomorrow too - then maybe it's worth hanging onto.
I'm really messed up, on my online profiles I never know whether to put 'single' or whatever. I act like I'm in a relationship and know I'm not. I could 'force' myself and it might help - but I want to hold on in a way. It's daft in the same way golem held onto the one ring as he fell ino the pit of doom or whatever it's called - he actually didn't think about the dying part, just the ring.
Tonight, I suppose I thought about everything wider. I wish things weren't complicated, the way things are now, wihout everything that had happened, I'd ask her out and she'd say yes and we'd be happy. But I get so upset and angry when I remember, and she gets so stressed, and so we can't be together.
Sorry if this is a bit long, needed to explain myself a bit, because too often on this forum I've been guilty of putting one side of the story across, and then receiving only one perspective back, when really there are two sides to the story but people didn't realise that because I didn't explain it well enough.
Loving you all cos you're wonderful people for taking the time to read this and maybe even reply
Rich a.k.a ShyBoy ---<---<---
edit: even though ShyBoy was too shy to make a move, he just got a text from one of the girls "I got nothing [as in lectures in the morn] u can come c me now if u like! Me not sleepy! If not tesxt/ring me any time tomorrow! Block [xxxxx] sweet dreams if dont cya 2nite! Luv [xxx] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
Not trying to show off, I'm just fucked cos I don't know how to handle it. Wheres the stupidly macho guy in me sayin 'GET IN SON'. I am gay, aren't I? Or something.
Well, the point of this thread isnt my undying orgasmic affection for youthnet, this website and the associated wonderful people who keep it running, but they deserve a mention from time to time.
Since my last relationship ended I havent been confronted with the prospect of another romantic interest, yet that changed tonight when two girls grabbed me in a nightclub and started dancing with me. Then started grinding against me. You see where this is going? My issue was, I couldn't follow through because really I just wanted my old girlfriend back.
What makes the issue more complicated is that she loves me. It would be easier if she didn't, if she just left me and didn't look back, and then I could give up all hope. But she left me, looked back, then realised she wanted what she left. Now, she knows after everything that happened we can't get back together, yet because we still care for each other neitehr of us can move on. I think.
I mean, it's feasible she can, but this thread is about me. And I can't, because I love her. But I'm not with her anymore, so why do I hold back when I have it on a plate? I had more than enough dutch courage but just... couldn't. Perhaps I'm queer. I got told I'm a nice guy, which was nice (as one was fairly paraletic lol so I sorted her out and stuff) but still. I've never been in that sitaution before and I could have had some fun, not non-consensual or anything
before people get upset, but just... fair clean fun. But I couldn't because kissing... sex... it means too much to me.I wish it didn't, because I've been *dry* for a while now and it's making me kind of crazy. Guys, I don't know what to do? Some might say 'give it time, it's natural' but I'm not sure if I'd ever move on, since she was my first love. At times I hated her, despised her, she made me feel sick - but I never stopped loving her. I'm not sure if you do ever stop loving your first love, even if you go on to have happy relationships with other people, they still live an impression on you for the rest of your life - your expectations and wants from a relationship. Aside from the cheating / lying / deception, she taught me that a relationship boils down to making each other happy, it's not abouy technicalities and '10 year plans', but if you can get through today anad be happy with each other, regarldess of everything else - and tomorrow too - then maybe it's worth hanging onto.
I'm really messed up, on my online profiles I never know whether to put 'single' or whatever. I act like I'm in a relationship and know I'm not. I could 'force' myself and it might help - but I want to hold on in a way. It's daft in the same way golem held onto the one ring as he fell ino the pit of doom or whatever it's called - he actually didn't think about the dying part, just the ring.
Tonight, I suppose I thought about everything wider. I wish things weren't complicated, the way things are now, wihout everything that had happened, I'd ask her out and she'd say yes and we'd be happy. But I get so upset and angry when I remember, and she gets so stressed, and so we can't be together.
Sorry if this is a bit long, needed to explain myself a bit, because too often on this forum I've been guilty of putting one side of the story across, and then receiving only one perspective back, when really there are two sides to the story but people didn't realise that because I didn't explain it well enough.
Loving you all cos you're wonderful people for taking the time to read this and maybe even reply
Rich a.k.a ShyBoy ---<---<---
edit: even though ShyBoy was too shy to make a move, he just got a text from one of the girls "I got nothing [as in lectures in the morn] u can come c me now if u like! Me not sleepy! If not tesxt/ring me any time tomorrow! Block [xxxxx] sweet dreams if dont cya 2nite! Luv [xxx] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
Not trying to show off, I'm just fucked cos I don't know how to handle it. Wheres the stupidly macho guy in me sayin 'GET IN SON'. I am gay, aren't I? Or something.
0
Comments
I want to talk to him, but I cant yet, not until I feel like we can be friends, and it hurts so so much
I havent yet gone out there, into the big wide world, but it has only been 6days, but i dont want anyone but him.
And I am terrified that even being friends, I will get too attatched again, or start acting like we are in a r/ship.
We should get together Rich lol... cept the boy was called Rich, thatd be weird for me.
I have no advice except I know your pain, and it hurts so much
You can call me ShyBoy heh.
Really sorry to have to remind you of all the pain though
Only thing is, this week ive accepted i cant have / dont want her back.
Feel the pain you are going through, eventually it will happen again. The next time it will suck 2x
So what i say is be young free and single!
Get busy doing things (not just other girls!!)
Its really the only way to move on, the other week i was talking to her mum about us and how it still hurt etc, but its just not healthy hanging onto something that hurts.
I will ALWAYS have a place in my heart for Alex always always. I need to think about myself right now, just like you do.
Have fun and enjoy this time your only young once.
:yippe:
It took me ages to get over my first love - hell I still think about him now - wonder what he is doing and all that! You do - its human nature.
I would say, take things slowly. You might meet someone nice but don't jump into the sack with them. Get to know them as a person and move on from there! If you jump into bed with them too soon, you will only have thoughts about the other person and what it was like with them.
Give it a few months and see how you get on!
Good luck - you deserve a break!
Moving on does take time, in my experience getting to know somebody else really can help.
(You coulda got laid dude, what were you thinking?
i agree with this, the first love person always leaves a great impression on you and im not sure you do ever get over them. the only time i can go a day without crying is when i sort of fantasise AFTER uni and everything in about 5 years time about us just meeting again and picking up from there- even though i know its really unhealthy to think like that.
i also agree with this though! nothing like sex to lift the spirits and give u a good ego boost. and also its good to know that he may be getting some action but i am too!:p
Shyboy, chin up kid. not really much i or anyone else can say to make it feel better. hopefully with time the big searing hurt will only be a little glowy pain in your heart, if that makes any sense to anyone at all.
Always the charmer
I think this is a really good post for you to bookmark ShyBoy - you've articulated your feelings really well, so I'm just going to pull out some of the key points and add some comments.
The main reason why you are still feeling fragile. Losing a first love is one of the biggest disappointments we can have. But the best advice I've heard is to take the good things and realise how you can use them to really make a good go of your next relationship.
This is severely holding you back. It's important that you cut contact for a time so that you don't even know what she's feeling. If you know the above, it means you're still talking to her - which for a time is prohibiting your progress.
An important reminder of why you're no longer together.
Because 'fair clean fun' as you call it doesn't actually always appeal to everyone. Some people are more turned on by personalities and before something even happens, maybe you suspect you won't feel satisfied afterwards. Perhaps other activities/distractions are more your bag until you meet someone/people you really connect with. If you do decide to have some fun with the others girls - that's cool too. Just don't feel you have to. They'll only want you more, if you play hard to get
A great lesson to learn in general. But I'm afraid the "regardless of anything else" in most cases, is asking too much. We like to think we can ask people to love us unconditionally, but we all have boundaries. The other stuff sounds promising though - the kind of thing you can take with you in a future relationship.
Single all the way
Hope this has helped a little at least. Take it easy and have fun meeting new people
On an unrelated note, thanks for Octi Helen, he's keeping me good company up here in York :-)
That's what someone told me to do, that you can't trust anyone except yourself. I'm far too optomistic to have the perspective on life, because in my opinion life is about getting the best things you can, and if you don't believe it's possible because it's difficult or painful.. then what's left?